Thankfully you have now moved on. All of this takes time my friend; and time is your best friend.
Seeing the new life ahead is amazing isn't it. You can make it better than it was before, for you and those you care for.
All of the guidance we get here is to help us to stagger, though awful times in the right direction. From there you find your own feet. You have found yours. I am grateful to see that; and mostly, pleased for you.
Well done. Know that there are very few strong Dad's that go through this. But to come out of this is a credit to you, but also to knowing right from wrong (and that's probably a parenting thing from your family - either you copy them or do the opposite).
Keep it up chap. I will keep checking in.
Try to help other on here too Joe. Your experienced enough to help. It will also help you. Don;t have to do it often, just pop in.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Friends! It has been a long while since I posted. I did not forget about you all, but I knew that part of my healing involved separating from a lot of my past. Unfortunately that also meant that I had to stop revisiting my past here.
So why am I back? Well, for one thing. It is important for others to read that LIFE GOES ON. You will not die from this. I am providing just another story for you all to read about how progression can happen in a bad situation. No two sitches are the same, but as you probably know by now there are oftentimes many similarities in how waywards operate. REMEMBER! You will survive this! You will come out the other end of this tunnel and you will see the sunrise again. You WILL experience joy again, as long as you GET A LIFE and go live it! GAL your az off!!! ABG! Always be GALing!
Now for updates...
Updates about Joe2017: I kept up my DB and reinvention of myself. I have reconnected with lots of old friends and made my life all about my career, self-improvement, and my kid. Things are going well. I am still at a very healthy weight, and I feel fit. I have received very high praise at work and I have been given raises and will be considered for a promotion within the next year. I was involved in one serious relationship for several months but I broke it off because it was best for my girlfriend. We are still good friends and there was no animosity afterwards. It was a very healthy relationship, but she needed someone who could give her more that I could offer in terms of time and attention. Yes, my kid was an obstacle there, but not a bad one. We both understood and agreed on this. She’s AWESOME.
Updates about kids: My kid is doing great, and he has become a very responsible and mature young man. I am going to be an empty nester, but it will be alright! My ex’s son is doing well, all things considered. I was always able to get updates on him through my kid, even though I was forbidden from talking to him. They are growing up and I am so proud of both of them!
Updates about my sitch with WW: I went NC for a very very long time. WW did temp check me a lot over the past year. It tapered off and became way less frequent. It started back up recently over the past couple months with her asking me to talk to her for a quick chat. This happened a few times. I always ignored her because if it was THAT important and quick, then she could start off by writing it in a message or email. Until then, I was not going to talk to her.
A couple weeks ago she did actually write down in a message what she wanted. She wrote an apology to me and my kids. She admitted fault for everything. She blamed herself for destroying our family and our kids. She wanted me to know that it was not me. It was her. She said she was a bad person, that she was wrong for what she did and she feels awful. She was convincing enough that I responded via message. We progressed like that for another day before I felt comfortable enough taking a phone call from her. This would be the first time I talked to her in a year.
We spoke on several occasions. I got updates about her situation with the OM. They are broken up now. As anyone and everyone predicted, he is a real piece of garbage that basically manipulated her into supporting him and his entire family. One thing that made me laugh was that he has constantly compared himself to me throughout their relationship. It sounded like he was very insecure and that he was threatened by my existence. Wow, was that a refreshing and entertaining bit of information to hear. For all of you LBS’s out there reading my posts... YOU ARE WORTHY!!! The OP is in NO WAY better than you!!!!! I promise! Get out there and GAL! Make the world know DAMN WELL that you are the winner in the situation!!!
I did agree to meet WW for lunch. We chatted for a long time. She told me she made a mistake in leaving me. She said it was the worst mistake of her life and that she regrets it every day. She gave me a real apology that I believe to be sincere. WW said she wishes she could get a chance to go back in time and do it all over again because she was never happier in her life than when she was with me and she has no idea why she thought things would be better if she left me. She said our marriage was “too perfect” and it made her uneasy, so she freaked out and left us. Weird reasoning, but it fits her weird behavior and how generally WEIRD she was at the time.
She wants to be friends. I think it could be viable, but she has to know there can be no expectations of a relationship coming from this. That would take a tremendous amount of work on her part, and I do not know if she is up for how rigorous it would be. I’m talking apologies to everyone she hurt, a round of STD tests, and she would have to go to counseling and agree to some serious trust litmus tests. If she agreed and followed through with all of that? I might consider it. Boundaries, you have to have them. And ENFORCE them. Rules to live by in general.
Her challenge won’t be with me accepting her as a part of my life. Her REAL challenge will be whether or not my son will accept her apologies. That’s the most important bit, because he is the most important thing in my life.
So yeah, that’s what’s going on with me. In a nutshell, Joe is doing fine and WW has made the first step towards tying up some loose ends from our failed marriage. Is this a path to recon? Who knows? I’m going to just treat this like any other circumstance and only allow it to occur if it aligns with my life goals. And my life goals are so different now that I’d be surprised if she could have a seat at my table.
But it was at least good for me to be able to accept her apology and get some closure there.
Everyone, keep up the good work and keep GALing! The first thing you have to save in a divorce is NOT the marriage. It’s your own life.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Glad to read what I´ve read. Good for you man. And it shows LBSs that there´s hope after the D. It´s about getting into amoafwl. Then it´s their turn to decide what to do. Sometimes it´s all a question of TIME.
Thank you for the update Joe.
My best wishes for you and your son.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Hey Joe!! Thanks for the update, it sounds like you are doing great! Completely agree with everything you said about your W and how you are dealing with her. Did you ever get D'd or are y'all still (legally) married? Keep it up brother!
I think it is important for all LBSs to know that the WAS/WS will always have regrets. Their revisionist history rewriting is a point and time thing. The truth will always be the truth. Just as your, Joe, WW now realizes, what she sacrificed for the pursuit of selfish pleasure was way better than she was willing to admit at the time.
Some will come back and apologize, some never will. But you can rest assured that they all have regrets except for in the most egregious of marriages.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joe, it's really nice to hear your success story! I'm glad things are working out so well for you. I hope you son, and hers, are able to make the adjustment as well.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Hi Joe, it's great to see your update. I just saw it and I don't have time to write now but it'd be great if you could check back later. I have a few questions I'd like to ask!
Another Stander: Yes, my D is final. All over and done. It's been almost a year now. Definitely one of the toughest years of my life. But at the same time, I have learned so much about life and myself.
Nicole: Of course, ask away! I hope you're doing well! Did you ever end up moving?
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
It's great to hear that you've done well at work, have stayed healthy and fit, and had a girlfriend. Those all sound like positive developments! It's also admirable that you kept your son as your first priority. He's lucky to have a dad that puts his best interests first.
I wanted to ask you about the timing of your ex-wife's apology. Do you think her relationship ended with her boyfriend (or whatever you would call him) and that's why she finally woke up and realized what she did? Also when you and she discussed potentially being friends did she take any follow-up action after that? Have you heard from her since then? Has she tried to communicate with your son? It'd be interesting to hear more.
Regarding my situation, yes I packed up and moved 1,000 miles away with my daughter. I'm now working full-time and I have an active social life although more kid-friendly stuff, not really bars or nightlife type stuff. My husband became much nicer after I moved away although he hasn't directly tried to reconcile.
It'd be wonderful if you could keep us posted on how things evolve!
