So we are less than one week away from the 1 year anniversary of BD. While Ring and piecing is still going, I can't help but think of and relive the emotions from a year ago.
A couple things keep ruminating in my cortex. First, how long I noticed that she was distant and different last year, but ignored it. Second, how robot like she was in dealing with everything. For a very emotional person her ability to just blatantly state "I don't want to be married anymore" is astounding.
Also, BD was 12/23/2017. On Christmas Eve and Christmas she was very affectionate. Now newbies, listen up. It was very very easy to read this as her having second thoughts. However, she told me later she "knew I was hurting". She even was sharing things with me on her phone after weeks of secretive phone usage. She had removed all the apps she was using for EA, and this was her way of throwing me off the scent. Again, newbies, do not fall for these tactics.
Some of you might ask, why was she doing this? Remember, she was a WW. A WAW would probably have taken different steps, but she was trying to have her cake and eat it too. Her "plan" was out of the bag but she needed me and the security I provide in the meantime. She couldn't have me kicking her to the curb in the meantime. (In fact, she later after we moved to Ring told me that she knew I really loved her because I didn't move on immediately.)
So we are about 9 months into Ring and piecing. And the difference between last year at this time and this year are, profound. It struck me yesterday that we were one week away from the anniversary of BD. And there we were, flirting, talking, sharing, interacting, being a couple! (I did get turned down for sex on Saturday, only the second time since we started Ring. She's been dealing with shoulder pain and they were bothering her. I used it as an example of how I changed, since I used to pout, get distant, and act like an infant. (NGS) Just shows that I have 180'd on that.
Lots of family and extended family events coming up this week and next. So nice to be engaged as a couple rather than acting like two individuals with no connection. And yet I am still cognizant of being self-differentiated. If she were to BD now my reaction would be so much different than it was a year ago.
One other thing, at my mom's on Friday night after my D's basketball game (she hit the game winning free-throw by the way!), my W asked me to get her shoes. Last year I would have sighed heavily, or made it known someway that she can get her OWN shoes. But now I am happy to help her and cheerfully retrieved them for her. 180s galore!
Still lots of work on me to do...but I am proud of the strides I have made in the last year.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You have done all the work and have been blessed with having your family together again Steve, if the first year is going so smooth it can only get better from here on. I wish you and your family happy holidays and all the happiness together
You have done all the work and have been blessed with having your family together again Steve, if the first year is going so smooth it can only get better from here on. I wish you and your family happy holidays and all the happiness together
Thanks sia. Admittedly I am having a little anxiety as the 23rd approaches.......
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
