sticking around with somebody who was willing to hurt him is even worth his time.
that is the heart of the matter. the crossroads for the LBS that we all aspire post-BD. funny how when some of us get there it is much much harder than we expected to decide which way to go. preservation of our families, our spiritual beliefs on divorce, etc vs the hurt, betrayal and effort required to rebuild something that may no longer be/seem as special as it once was. I think for MANY months since you started piecing so many of us LBSs held you as the model and hope so to speak for our sitches. It was like "look at Steve, wish I was where he was" I hope many of us given your current feelings take a long and hard look into our feelings in our own sitches. There is much for us to learn from your experience. Post-BD no path forward is at all easy.
Continue to look within yourself to understand your feelings. Take your time, continue to be patient, as a man of faith you know God works in our lives at his pace not ours.
W is away taking D to school this AM. I'm really wanting to sit her down when she gets home and talk. I know this will do no good so I will control my impulse.
Guys I can't describe this feeling. It's as if I'm back in the days following BD but instead of thinking about how to save the MR I'm thinking about the ways, or the things necessary, to end it. Strange dichotomy.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
sticking around with somebody who was willing to hurt him is even worth his time.
that is the heart of the matter. the crossroads for the LBS that we all aspire post-BD. funny how when some of us get there it is much much harder than we expected to decide which way to go. preservation of our families, our spiritual beliefs on divorce, etc vs the hurt, betrayal and effort required to rebuild something that may no longer be/seem as special as it once was. I think for MANY months since you started piecing so many of us LBSs held you as the model and hope so to speak for our sitches. It was like "look at Steve, wish I was where he was" I hope many of us given your current feelings take a long and hard look into our feelings in our own sitches. There is much for us to learn from your experience. Post-BD no path forward is at all easy.
Continue to look within yourself to understand your feelings. Take your time, continue to be patient, as a man of faith you know God works in our lives at his pace not ours.
Praying for you friend!
-B
Thanks B. I do feel like a disappointment for you all right now. You know R2C or someone told me to be careful what I wish for when I expressed feelings of wanting her to BD me again so I could tell her, ok then leave. I think the be careful what you wish for is really for all the LBSs that think they need to save their marriages at all costs.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve...STOP! You ARE NOT a disappointment to any of us! You have done nothing but been a tireless supporter of all of us on here and we all owe you big time for steadying our ship when we first landed here. NOW it is our turn to pay it forward by doing the same for you in your time of need.
As I say if ALL of us are smart we are firstly praying for you and secondly, learning very clearly from your experience that NOTHING in this part of life is as easy/simple as it seems. There are ZERO easy answers nor paths forward for any of us.
I follow all your advice and your sitch very silently because I don't have much to contribute to the piecing process.
I think, like many WAS, you feel like just telling her all this will bring you some instant relief from what you have been feeling. It might for a second, but a lot comes with that. You don't need to pull the trigger right now. Christmas in a few days, emotions are all over the board for many at the holidays and there really is no need to put another bad connotation on the holidays.
You don't have to do anything right now. Nothing is really going to change by doing it RIGHT NOW. let the holidays pass, let things settle, then have the R talks. I do commend you, piecing especially after infidelity has to be one of the hardest things. It's understandable if you are done, you sure did give it a shot, but I think you really need some time to think things through and just be still before making any rash moves.
One of the best quotes I ever read on this board this board is the only difference between the WAW and LBS is timing. Meaning in essence both spouses were essentially unhappy. The WAW drops the bomb and the LBS feels rejected, "rejection breeds obsession" and the LBS is magically in love again. It is more about the destabilization of your life as you knew it being flipped upside down.
IMO true reconciliations that will last happen when both parties go on their separate paths on their own journeys and their paths somehow cross again way down the road. That's the reason I always say time and space to truly figure out what you want is the only way that these situations work out long-term.
