Uncertain of What I Have (Thread 2)

[Bo562]

Previous: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2825871&page=1

(/hopes I’m doing this right)

[Bo562]

“Bo, which of the following would drive her away faster:

- The goodnight you gave her last night where you leaned in to kiss her arm.
or
- Just getting up, saying goodnight, and heading off to bed.

In a healthy, normal relationship, obviously the second would be behavior that would push a W away. However, once you are dealing with a WAW....now the above is flipped on its head. And what feels counter-intuitive actually is less driving away than what you normally should do.”

Steve—you’re absolutely correct.

I’m not sure what I was thinking in doing that, but I won’t do it again anytime soon.

Back in the spring when I detached more, I thought it looked it made a difference. Apparently not.

So try again.

It’s a good thing W and the boys are out tonight—work on GAL tonight, and while it’s rough not to hold at least one (YS) in my arms until he falls asleep, it’s only one night.

[Ready2Change]

work on GAL tonight, ..

What exactly will you be doing for GAL?

[Bo562]

In some order:

Haircut (W usually does that for me—blonde hair is thinning at the top, so pair of clippers and buzzzzzzzz)
Work-out
Go out to eat (love sports so maybe Buffalo Wild Wings)
Go to the store and buy something nice-smelling (like Old Spice) so I smell good and feel good
Couple of personal errands maybe
Go out to a coffee shop and take some grading with me and be around others

Maybe research some Meetups or ways to get involved with others

World = oyster

[RyanHun]

Bo,
Looks like a decent list. If you can find one on meetup I would highly recommend a mens group for you. Finding a good group of men to discuss things with has literally saved me.

[Bo562]

Thanks, RH

Will look into that, too

I have a lapsed membership to Knights of Columbus—maybe part of this is getting back into it (new parish has that)

[Bo562]

GAL Update: Mostly successful

Haircut—done.

Work out? Done. But I need to stick with that, which is an issue for me historically.

Out for dinner? Done. Watched basketball (college and pro) and was overjoyed to see game of favorite NHL team (Blues) on TV, so watched that too. Tried to work on confidence / talking with waitress—would try to be more assertive with ordering, look her in eyes, call her by first name when I could. She was cute, which helps.

Something nice-smelling? Done.

Coffee shop to hang out and grade? Done.

Still need to look into meet-ups.

Though it was nice to get out and be around others and do my things and (admittedly) see that there are lots of pretty ladies out there, it was hard seeing couples out and about holding hands.

And when I’m driving into work / school this morning, I heard an ad for Catholic singles online. /sigh

I know that’s nowhere close to my sitch right now. Also makes me sad for the woman that my W is—when dating, engaged and early MR, she was very devout, and we lined up very nicely in many respects. Now? Not so much—I’m not totally sure where she’s at with God, but I know that’s not my business or issue to fix.

I also know that in hearing something like that ad I have to guard myself / my heart—to still remain physically (but definitely) emotionally faithful to her. I can’t have another woman swoop in and become tight with me—not yet, not anytime soon. One thing I offered up in confession was the strength to continue to live out wedding vows, even though things are difficult right now, and that there is so much temptation out there in general.

[Bo562]

Not sure how I feel about this, so...

IC recommends I talk with her / ask her what, if anything, I could do to help her deal with her anger towards me re: the pregnancy.

To me, it sounds like MR talk / temp-checking, and told him as much.

Is he on to something?

[burned]

Don’t do it.

It’s not DB and it won’t work. I’m not saying it won’t work because it’s not DB, just that I’m speaking from experience. DB or not, it won’t work.

There WILL come a time for that, but that time is NOT now. You need recommitment first.

[Wanted1]

Though it was nice to get out and be around others and do my things and (admittedly) see that there are lots of pretty ladies out there, it was hard seeing couples out and about holding hands.

Man, what is with that?! It seems like everywhere I go all I see are happily married couples. It’s almost gotten to a point where it’s depressing. That’s literally all I’ve seen these past couple months.

Not sure how I feel about this, so...

IC recommends I talk with her / ask her what, if anything, I could do to help her deal with her anger towards me re: the pregnancy.

To me, it sounds like MR talk / temp-checking, and told him as much.

Is he on to something?

I’m with burned. DO NOT DO IT. I’m speaking from experience as well. I thought my situation was different and that we could talk things out. It doesn’t work. Trust me. Do what I didn’t do and trust the advice here!