I know there is going to be a conversation of why I ignored her on her birthday and other things.
W:"Bla bla bla ignore bla bla ba" H:"I believe I was busy. Anyway, I got something I need to take care of. Goodbye"
^^^This^^^ Boy those NGS tendencies die hard, don't they?
Phoenix, let's say you worked for me and I fired you last year. Then let's say I called you in a huff and said "Phoenix, what the hell man, yesterday was boss's day and you didn't get me anything? No card, nothing??? And here I was thinking about giving you your job back, but now, I don't know." How would you respond to that? This is no different, she fired you from your job as H. Why do you think you should be doing husbandly things for her?
Day 157,.... I checked the mail, and her ER bill came in...and it is significant. And it is going to be her problem to solve. I need to prepare my speech now. Because I know come Friday morning I am going to get a flurry of calls and texts asking me how we're going to resolve this. I plan on saying that the bill is her responsibility to figure out. Any other thoughts on how I should proceed with this impending talk?
Hopefully your finances are separated by now. No speech. Give her the bill. H"W,Here is your mail"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
You don't need to have a conversation about it. Actually you are probably on the hook for it just as much as she is right now since you're married. I'd make copies and see if it can part of the D agreement that she pays it.
For now, it's just her bill and you're giving it to her. If she starts asking you to pay for it or whatever, just say you'll talk about it later.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
R2C, I get paid later this month. Accounts will be separated once I separate phone, auto insurance, and car payments. Not sure how to address mortgage and house bills.
D4 came home last night. We were genuinely excited to see each other and spent the evening having dinner and cuddles watching her favorite show on Netflix (baking challenge or something like that).
Question: How long is the average time of full detachment? I would say I’m on month 6 now of this process and I am still struggling. I practically went NC. But I’ve been thinking about her A LOT. I still miss her. I still want her back.
Don’t get anxious about it. It takes time. Train your mind not to go to certain places. The spark of hope is very resilient and it’s ok to have it somewhere. It’s about managing expectations and living into reality. Here is where GAL kicks in. Keep walking your pace P, you are moving on, keep DB.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
It was a good day overall. I think due to a good combination of meds and progress on detaching. I can confidently say that I am making progress because I did not talk to WW all day today. No texts from her, nothing. And I was not worked up over it.
She finally called in the evening to check on D4. After D4 talked to her, WW tried to converse to me. I kept it short about D4. She started to tell me how she is going to have to go back to work soon. I basically said "Ok. Bye". She was taken aback and asked if I was ok. I said "yes, everything is good!", she tried to continue to talk about her vacation some more and I basically ended the conversation again ("Ok...have fun!"). She sighed in irritation and asked to put D4 on the phone. D4 talked to WW and that was the end of the call. I'm sensing some more temp checks soon. A lot more.
I am looking through the 3rd quotes thread and I saw the following link:
I am going the 2b route because we are both so far in this sitch that there really is no 2a option right now. 2a will likely be used if we R.
A very interesting post (link here) that discusses how the LBS spouse sometimes interprets the S waywardness as an MLC.
Key quotes:
Originally Posted by gucci loafer
Be careful with people who are diagnosing things as MLC by listening to a BS on an anonymous site. Not only could they be very very WRONG in their diagnosis, but in their advice EVEN if it is "MLC".. a term that is very loosely used. A term that is one that gives false hope to a person who doesn't want to face the other more correct diagnosis... which is.. the WS left them because their feelings changed and they found someone else and are having an affair... By saying your wayward is in MLC gives you hope.
I did notice that early on in our sitch, WW was going out A LOT (dancing, etc.) while doing the "casual" dating thing. I also heard some stuff from her that should have given me more warning (talking about our 7 year itch in our M, her basically going out to party a lot more, etc.) So I have come to terms that WW is in an outright affair. Maybe or not MLC.
Originally Posted by gucci loafer
That should be your key to be careful on using that as a crutch because you don't want to come to terms with what may be the real reality..... From my observations on this site it could almost be said that every single WS must be in MLC.
So, be prepared to hear that it may take years and years of pain and misery and waiting.. and even THEN your chances aren't any better than they are if you just let go now and chalk it up to an affair.
I'm happy that I'm DBing as if WW is in an affair and NOT in an MLC. I was surprised to hear that MLC is used as a crutch and an excuse for their wayward's behavior.
At this point in my sitch, does it matter if WW is MLC triggered or not? I did not think there was a difference.
Reading your post and the quotes I wonder does it really matter if the S is a WS or a MLC? The result all point toward the same direction. I guess a WS could potentially come back sooner than a MLC if at all. I found some quotes today which are basically what Gucci loafer is warning against. It describes a type of MLC that very much describes my W upbringing and our R. It even said MLC in women can start as early as 35. So basically as my parents like to keep reminding me, my W has a lot of growing up to do. Unfortunately, it is going to take a long time if it ever happens at all. That just keeps pushing any hope for recon even further down the road. So my point is WS or MLC, doesn't matter just keep DB and improving yourself.
H(37) W(35) D8, D5, S3 T20, M13 BD 8/31/18 EA Discovered 9/13/18 Mediation 10/3/18 W files for D 10/12/18 W moves out 11/10/18 EA confirmed 12/25/18 D Final 1/10/19
I'm continuing to go through the Quotes III thread and realize that I really need to start facing my fears and just...go for it. I've let the danger of divorce paralyze me for so long that I am afraid to make any moves that may endanger what little threads of my marriage I have left.
I saw a video on attractive body language...good stuff to work on as well.
