GAL: A couple of errands, and out for coffee, but before that a 20-minute run, 30 push-ups, and tried the butterfly sit-ups that A/S suggested (THAT was probably a hot mess, but I’m intrigued by it, and will try to continue it). It’s probably still too early to notice any changes, but I’m feeling stronger with the push-ups, and if I look in the mirror right, I see some definition in my arms and chest / abdomen, maybe? I think what helps is carrying around a 12-14 sack of potatoes that is YS—helps with strength training, I guess.
I would say that dinner tonight was a relative success.
Though before we left I thought ‘oh, no’ because W said she couldn’t find her black shoes, and I asked her which ones and she got a bit of an attitude with me “C’mon [Bo]...” Internally, I rolled my eyes and braced for the struggle all evening.
Honestly, we had pretty decent conversations on the way down, and during dinner. She looked great—I know in prior posts I talked about how I’m not all that into her, but she looked amazing. Did her hair, low-cut blue dress she wore for a wedding some time ago, different bra (NOT her nursing bra). She’s naturally well-endowed, so it’s hard not to look, and to want. We split sushi, got drinks, she ordered dessert (I had a couple bites but let her eat the rest).
For me, a personal small victory was NOT asking her how she liked the place (she volunteered on her own that it was pretty good), or thanking her for coming with me, or verbally saying ‘Happy Anniversary’ (I hand-wrote a short message in the card, and it seemed pretty obvious), or complimenting her on her looks. NONE of that.
We also exchanged gifts—she gave me mine, a thoughtful, practical gift. She can be really good at that. And I gave her hers—did a bit of explanation (NGS, I’m sure), but I heard from her a ‘thank you, baby’ in a purr that I have NOT heard in quite some time. I know, believe nothing they say.
Ride back and walk-up she was not a great conversationalist, and I had to keep telling myself to STFU and not force it and learn to live with the silence. (The cynic within me asks why should I be surprised—of course the woman’s great until after you pay the bill.) I’m a mild extrovert and am used to talking and conversation, and for me, silence is death in my classes (unless I really really want the silence from them). On the way back I made a few comments every now and then, but then I just had to learn to accept the silence. Don’t force things. And maybe the silence means that something is going on within her.
But hey, at least no R talk, and no BD (praise God!), so I’ll take my successes where I can get them. I know no expectations, but I was at least hoping not to get the R talk or a BD. In that sense, mission accomplished.
On the way back, W needed to stop for a restroom break, so we pulled into a Starbucks. While I waited for her, and she got us coffee, my thoughts turned sad.
Tonight, like every now and then, I see the woman that I fell in love with and married. At our best, we partner well, work together well, get along well, she looked great. Where has this woman gone? Thinking about it now still makes me sad and on the verge of tearing up.
But then I realize that everything and nothing has changed. Everything about her has changed, and nothing has changed with my sitch (for better or worse).
So couple of things stick out, your career being a teacher, her job and this other guy from work(red flag or no?), your children, her anger, your possible NGS?, your mention of sex a lot, and you seem ready to throw in the towel, and oh, she had a medical condition the first time she didn't pass the test??
I think I remember reading where you said it could be lonely being a teacher. I think this is where GAL comes in to help you a lot. Also if you hadn't read NO MORE MR NICE GUY, I recommend reading it. It helps all guys, even If you barely have NGS. It will help explain the importance of male bonding and that it helps remove your attachment to your W for emotional support. It frees her up from this because you are getting your emotional needs met by other males you bond with. Maybe during your free time, read up on self-differentiation and being centered. Being centered is being balanced with enough separation from your W as well as togetherness. I'd also consider looking into this for your W because of the possible PPD. You both need healthy time away for yourselves. Distance will help make the heart grow fonder as they say.
Keep being a great dad as mentioned by people here. Be awesome at that and hey, if you haven't heard of deliberate disappointment, check into that. It may help with your W getting angry. Sometimes you can only validate so much, other times you have to know when to stand up for yourself, and then you have to know when to admit she's right. You deliberately disappoint her by telling her she is right if she wants to argue with you about something so that when she is being passive aggressive and expects you to get defensive or argue back, you disappoint her by doing the opposite or by agreeing with her.
And as far as what you mentioned in my thread, I don't see any reason why you should get too wrung up if she is away. Enjoy this time being a dad, and be a wonderful dad.
I think once you really start to GAL, that sex talk of yours will go away because I have a hunch its really about intimacy, which is your need for emotional connection. And hey if you just need to, read the NMMNG book, it talks about you making you happy in that area as well.
Early in your post, you said that your W failed the exam due to a medical condition. Was that still present when she got pregnant? I may have missed that. What happened if you don't mind me asking since something seems off with that whole piece.
The possible EA, is this with someone who was on a different coast or her office? I may have gotten confused reading two separate things but trying to piece them together. I will say this, its not uncommon for people to find others of the opposite gender to hang out with at work. In my building, one of the companies pairs their employees up like this, one male, one female and they usually go out together for lunch. My company tried to do something socially like this but it didn't work out. Too conflicting schedules of people for lunch. I had a good female friend I used to go eat lunch with every day. It never turned to anything, but you could tell the girl was into me. She would get flushed red in the face when we were together. Certain parts would perk up, but since it was left up to me, I kept it as friendly. She later moved and I remember the last day, she said so this is it. I was like yup. I had to practice so much self control. Imagine this happening to our W. I don't picture someone practicing that much control. Didn't mean to scare you, but these things are common place, we have to keep moving on. BTW, do not be tempted at your work. I think I recall you talking about harmlessly flirting in another thread talking about alpha male and dominance. Wrong place/group to get your emotional needs met.
It's understandable to be sad. I got a little sad today for the first day in a long while. I dwelled on the fact I can't trust my W when it came to decisions regarding my children. If you read my last post, I couldn't believe she didn't tell my S10 he couldn't stay home, but rather, she had him ask me. I was sort of sad because when she helped put a toy together for my S6 she couldn't follow the instructions on the box so they thought the toy was broken. I had to come in to fix things again. We laughed but I thought about when we'd be separated, my kids will not enjoy another functioning toy again unless we put them together at my place. She's always been so terrible at mechanical stuff. The other day her toilet seat broke off. She is good at ordering it on Amazon, but she asked me for a wrench to fix it. I doubt she even knows what that looks like. We used to have this balance where I did all the manly stuff around the house and she did the other chores. I'd cut the grass outside, she'd clean up the inside. Then we outsourced both of those things and other life's small inconveniences like dropping off dry cleaning became deal breakers... like really, wtf. Excuses to live the single life.
You have a good chance to turn this around. Put in the work.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Thanks for the advice, and good thoughts. I’ll try to tackle as many points as I can in this space.
Yes, I’m a teacher—wasn’t my first choice as a career in SoCal, but I’ve made the most of it, and have done really well, for the most part. Been doing that for about the last 4.5 years. It can be incredibly isolating, but I know what you are saying about the GAL—it can help me so much with that loneliness, but also the loneliness I feel now. I try to keep really tight boundaries with my students (especially my female students), and I’m not exactly chummy with colleagues (partly by chance, partly by choice, especially with respect to female colleagues about my age—despite what I’ve talked about recently, I don’t exactly pal around with the honeys at work, and I certainly don’t have their phone numbers). I’m not exactly interested in the term ‘work wife’—to be frank, I hate that term. I only have one W, and she is at home. Don’t need or want another, especially with respect to temptation, but also don’t want to give the wrong impression to others.
Last night, I ordered 3 books—NMMG, The Art of Seduction, and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F. They should get here while I’m out on break. Yeah, they’re being sent to our townhouse—good thing I’ll be home during the day and can get the mail. What I do need to do is get with other guys. I’m Catholic, and a lapsed member of Knights of Columbus. What I should also look at to keep myself balanced is look into men’s groups in general—faith-based, or otherwise. In my life, I’ve had friends of my different religious (and non-religious) traditions.
I have read a similar book to NMMG—No More Christian Nice Guy. A friend of mine gave it to me before I went off to grad school. I read it, but didn’t really internalize much of it. I’ll have to look to see if I kept it. I am looking to eliminate as many of the NGS tendencies as I reasonably can. I also realize that there are some things about me that I can’t totally change—some things are hard-wired in. But I’m not going to use that as an excuse not to try. What I’d like to change about myself (at least as much as I can):
*Stop over-apologizing *Stop over-explaining *Ask for what I want, directly *Eliminate covert contracts *Not letting the little things bother me as much—trying to let them roll of my back, instead of letting them build, and either get angry about that or about something else (passive-aggression) *Don’t be such a doormat (this one is the hardest)
I’ve been trying to validate better today. I’ve read on the threads about asking her a question about the last thing she said. Also, trying the whole “you know what, you’re right.” “You know what—you’re right. I should have parked the cart over there instead”—that was earlier today.
I do hope distance makes the heart grow fonder. I’m out in the living room right now—she’s in MBR, as she just fed YS. Honestly, we don’t spend all that much time together—each of us is usually with one of the kids. We share meals and the same bed, go to the grocery. But no dates, except last night. And there won’t be any more of those for....a while.
I’m trying to pour myself more into the kids, and into my work. I’ve learned long ago to not get too disappointed with her being away for work. I’ve come to a certain acceptance about it. I also think that that is why it is ludicrous she considers separating—she really thinks that I’ll be available at the drop of a hat to take care of the kids so she can go God knows where and for God knows how long? If it gets that far, I can’t let her cake-eat, and I hope to develop the strength to prevent that. Other men will be cool with picking up the slack around the house and / or with the kids if she has them? Yeah f***ing right.
Speaking of W and work.....she was in training to be a federal agent. Emphasis on ‘was.’ She passed her interviews and did all the paperwork. The only thing left was to get in shape, so she worked out like a mother and got in really good shape. Last fall, she took the physical fit test, and had an asthma attack. Exercise-induced asthma. Which is technically disqualifying. She filed an appeal, got a doctor’s note, and she was given a second chance. But the Feds could have been total jerks (and totally justified) in denying her appeal and saying s***s to be you. She was supposed to take it again in January or February, but then being pregnant changed all that. Of course, she blames me for the pregnancy, even though she was all hot-to-trot for wanting sex pretty much whenever she wanted it, and I’m pretty sure she enjoyed the journey to getting pregnant. But, in her eyes, it’s still my fault, and pretty much always will be. In that sense, she needs to grow the F up and realize her part in all this. What I also remember is that a couple of years ago she got in really great shape to do a fit test, and then she totally let herself go and picked up some weight—she wasn’t incredibly fat, but she looked plumper and out of shape. She could have done this sooner (a year or two earlier) if she didn’t let herself go like that. But whatever, not the boss of her.
The potential EA? W is a federal employee, and there are numerous regional offices of her branch of the government. This other guy works out in what is known as the Inland Empire in SoCal—we live in coastal Orange County. Basically, it’s kinda far, but it’s not exactly that close—it’s a drive even on a good day. She met this guy on a training a few years ago and they texted A TON, which p***ed me off to no end when she came back from her trip. At first, I was all NGS and didn’t say anything, but finally I said something. I asked her to cool it with respect to the texts. I also tried to use reason and logic and appeal to empathy (fatal error I know)—“if I was gone for 4 weeks and some young, hot thing was blowing up my phone, how would you react? Would you like it? No? Why not?” However, the friendship has still maintained, and she told me some time ago that she needs that relationship for work. I know, sounds like lies. I trust her and am not going to blow up the marriage over it. But I’m also not going to (and probably never will) be okay with this guy being a part of her life—always kinda looking over my shoulder. And I know that for DB’ing, I shouldn’t—I shouldn’t care because I know I’m a total prize and will make myself a prize that if she can’t see it, someone else in time will. I remember her telling me about this guy at various points—according to W, how he was married to a psycho b****, how he cost himself a chance at promotions or work trips because he couldn’t stand up to his then-W, how he never left his IE bubble (sure his family is there and it helps with childcare, and I get having a certain comfort level). But I told W, when she would tell me this stuff, that he sounds like a f***ing idiot or a f***ing loser and what exactly is his deal God this guy sounds so stupid. And then I read in TDR and here on the forums about people affairing-down. If there is anything to it, this sounds like a classic case. I don’t have much evidence of an A (either PA or EA; but if there is OM, I would bet it is an EA and that this guy is the guy). Back in the spring, W made a comment to me about hey let’s look at the phone bill (phone bill is one of the few bills in her name) and see who we text the most besides each other. I should have totally taken her up on this. “Lots of texts to the 909 / 951, huh?” I also recall asking her a long time ago that if she needs to text this guy so much, she really should do it on her work phone. Apparently not. She’s an intelligence employee, so I’m sure that if there ever was or is something going on, I’m sure she could try to hide it—all sorts of covert messaging apps (ones that she’s told me about, and I bet there are others she hasn’t).
She totally seems like there is at least some PPD going on—but I’m not going to push her on it. I’ve said it before—if things are really all that bad (with me, or with PPD, or anything else), she needs to be in front of a professional every week or two. Haven’t seen evidence of that. It also wouldn’t surprise me if the lack of sex is at least post-partum related—she breast-feeds YS, and I’m sure the physical contact is a bit much for her. Some Googling tells me that it can be hormonal—breast-feeding can release what is called prolactin, which stimulates milk production but depresses the sex drive. So, who knows.
Even today, I’ve seen evidence of her slightly opening up—her telling me about something funny that Wal-Mart is doing. Sounds like the old her, kinda, for a minute. She talks about opening up 529 accounts for the kids come January, she mentioned today that teachers (that’s me!) get into LegoLand for free, so we’d have to plan out when we go, and I hear all this stuff—and what exactly am I supposed to think? I keep bracing for the R talk, or the BD. It’s hard to let go of the ILYBINILWY, or her floating possibility of a break / S. She wants to do all these things as a family but then denies me sex? But then again—BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY.
I do hope to turn this around, but I also really that this isn’t totally up to me. I also am trying to do my best with respect to doing the work—I know I probably come off as disorganized, inconsistent and amateurish about just about everything, but I have to realize that I’ve only been in the forum for about a month. It’s been about 2-ish months since she floated possibility of a break / S. And I know come the fall that she will be gone for 3 months for a training for a promotion—THAT will be a full-on separation, basically. She wants it bad enough, that will be a trial run for her.
But I’m not exactly in love with W right now. I’m not enchanted with her, emotionally or spiritually. Physical attraction isn’t really there—she’s okay-looking, but I can’t help but look around and see a lot of good-looking women (especially with it being SoCal). Sexually? Won’t deny her if asked, but probably be more for self-gratification than a renewal of the wedding vows. Just do and be done, in that regard—walk away afterwards.
It’s really hard for me to want to be with someone who is effectively trying to fire me from my vocation, and in the event that we get around to piecing or R’ing, that will be really hard for me to deal with—but that is far down the road, if at all. She wants her space? Fine. She gets goodnights; kids get kisses, hugs and ILYs.
I know I should be careful saying this, because I know I could easily be wrong about this—I just don’t know how serious she is about all this. I’m sure others will tell me she is totally serious and is playing the long game about this—and they’re probably right. She ILYBINILWY’ed me back in February, and then in October mentioned taking a break....and that’s it. Which is worse—her following through; her spouting off about this because emotions / hormones; or her using threats to manipulate me? All I know is that no matter what I deserve better, though, and that knowledge really helps me on this.
Thanks for reading; welcome comments in the forum.
Happy holidays! That's awesome with the teaching. I always wanted to be an art professor/art teacher with summers off doing exhibits. My mother's best friend was a teacher. She helped to raise me. My mentors have been teachers. To help prevent NGS, we need more male teacher role models!
I think I am familiar with the other book titles with NMMNG. Haven't read them yet. I started reading ILYBINILWY alongside DR and stopped because it felt like there were too many exercises to do with the willing spouse and I have no willing spouse. This is a solo deal. Working on me and then seeing how that goes.
Thanks for taking the time to respond to everything. Hope it was a little therapeutic for you. I get what you are saying about the job and the work wife. Unfortunately I have one of those friends at work who'll say something like aww you're so nice, you my work hubby. I jokingly tell her that's the last time I do anything for her then or I say I'll tell her H, who knows of me. Been working with this lady for 12 years at least. In my department alone, there are 25 women and I'm the only male.
You're doing great. For you to know what you want to address with the NGS, and its only been a month.
Keep up the validation. I think its so important for your W to know you are listening to her.
So you got a list of your NGS tendencies you want to improve on. What about the 180s? You have time to work on those things as well so that when she does leave, she will see there is so much value at home that she will miss you and the kids. It's not trying to be manipulative, just honest changes. This will be a trial run and you don't want to be competing against your old self or however she perceives you. You want to be the improved H, someone always working to better himself.
FWIW, when my W had our second son, she wasn't in the mood when breastfeeding too. She didn't breastfeed for long at all and when she stopped that, her drive came back.
She may not be attractive to you now but that can change. You're going through this too, the ups and downs. Allow yourself time to process that and be patient.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
Earlier this morning, W was feeding YS. I don’t have the equipment for that, and he doesn’t like bottles, so I decide to get on with GAL and I put on workout clothes and go downstairs to our common area exercise room.
I tell W: I’m gonna go downstairs and hop on the bike.
W: How long will you be gone?
Me: I dunno, about 30 minutes (?) [yes, I know—probably shouldn’t have answered]
Once I’m out of visual range, W: Does this mean I get to go for a run today?
What I should have done was kept stepping; but, I went back and I told her ‘It’s possible.’
Hit the bike for about 20 minutes, did 30 pushups and 25 of the butterfly sit-ups that A/S recommended. I look and feel so much better.
I get back upstairs, and I see that OS needs something. I go to help, but W tells me in a very annoyed tone “Just go do whatever you need to do.”
Me, inside: Okay.
So I throw in a load of my laundry, re-load dishwasher, and wrap Christmas gifts.
YS was in a high chair with W and OS, but I go grab him later. W: Are you done with everything you need to do?
Me: Yes, but now I need to take [YS] and be with him for a little bit.
Basically, W has bent out of shape that I just up and went for a workout this morning, and she was pi*sy towards me for a good portion of the day.
Later on, she told me she wanted to go for a run and a workout.
W (paraphrasing): I’ve been trying to go get in a workout for however long, but I can’t because you always seem to have something else to do. I shouldn’t have to ask you for permission, especially since you just seem to do what you want when you want.
Me (attempting to validate): I’m sorry you feel that way, but I need to go help [OS] clean up. (And I hit the eject button on that convo as soon as I could.)
I did my best with validating her today, especially trying what Adam suggested, the “you know what, you’re right...” to try to defuse things with her. It’s quickly becoming a go-to.
Man was she bent out of shape about this. Especially when she will start back at work part-time on Wednesday, and she’ll be staying late to go work-out, and I’ll be with the boys as I’m on Christmas Break the next two weeks. I provide tons of free child-care for holiday breaks, random days off, not to mention summer. If she ever decides to leave, she’ll have to figure something else out.
She has no problem taking time out for what she wants to do—staying late for workouts or this or that or the other, or this past Saturday she takes the boys to the park with her mom and I’m left her by myself. Luckily, I tried to GAL as much as I could. HOW DARE YOU GAL WHEN I TOLD YOU I’VE WANTED OUT.
At no point, ever, have I prevented her from getting a workout in. Now she’s mad? My eyes cannot roll far enough back into my head.
Obviously I’ll try to parent up a storm while she’s back to work, but I find it rich that she’s bent.
Use your judgement on the communication. Sometimes its best if we keep quiet, other times we can validate which is just listening, its not fixing, dismissing, or agreeing. Other times it's okay to push back on disrespect. In speaking with my WW, I have to look at what angle she is coming from.
If your W is coming to you wanting to talk about how she feels, validate, listen. If she is trying to argue with you, you can ignore or reverse it, not be a part of it.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
GAL: 30 push-ups, 15 butterfly sit-ups (took it a bit easier because holiday) Trying to space out cardio (run / bike) to every other day—don’t want to burn myself out
One apparent benefit of butterfly sit-ups is improved back flexibility. That helps me, because I’ve had a recent history of back issues. Back in February, I threw out my back. One day, it just gave on me, and W had to take me to a local ER and I missed a week of work. I remember W making the comment to me “I wish I loved you enough to want to take care of you...” And basically, my mantra has been don’t get sick or injured since. Luckily, my back problems have largely subsided, through pain reliever (helps), physical therapy (helps more), and sleeping on my back (helps the most, as I’ve been a side-sleeper for the longest time). What has bothered me so much (among many things) through all this is that comment she made. The wedding vows ‘in sickness and in health,’ and she apparently doesn’t want to take care of me. I don’t need her to be my mother—I get that, and don’t want that. But I’ve helped her through so much over the last 8.5 years of being together—and this second pregnancy, as well as caring for her (and paying for) her dental work, especially with some of that being done while she was pregnant. I take care of her, but she can’t be bothered to do the same for me? Whether or not this is a covert contract, it seems like the least a spouse could do for his / her better half.
Adam—thanks for the encouragement, and the further advice.
The 180s?
Exercise more. Always kinda been a weak spot of mine, in every sense of the term. I’ve usually been involved in sports at various point in my life—4 years of HS track, 3 years martial arts in college, intramural sports in undergrad and grad school. I’m not the most athletically gifted (I’m not a natural), but I love to get involved and work hard, and I make the most of what I have.
I’m also working on eliminating the sarcasm. Probably results from passive-aggression and NGS. Being more direct and upfront with her will help with that. She can be very sarcastic, too, and that that was one thing that really brought us together, oddly—we have (or had?) very similar senses of humor—dark, kinda sarcastic humor.
Obviously, the other aspects of NGS mentioned above. Over-explaining (I know, R.I.P. irony with my long explanations, but I do love to talk), over-apologizing, and especially not being such a doormat.
I need to get over this, and I know it sounds like an excuse....when she asks me for something, it’s admittedly hard to say no. Perhaps I’m overplaying my role as protector and provider and doing that to ‘serve’ her. But right now it doesn’t seem like she respects me (or our wedding vows) all that much, and like Steve mentioned in an earlier post....how did all that work I did earlier fare for me? Not well. So F that. She doesn’t want it, deserve it right now.
I tried 180ing back in the spring / summer. Be more open / accessible with respect to sex? Done. Take more initiative around the house? Done. Go to her pre-natal appointments more? Done. Invest in her more emotionally? Done. Cut back on the forgetfulness, or at least manage it better? Done.
I tried to make them permanent...but I will admit that I hoped that she would notice early on. Early on in that she told me she didn’t trust me, that it would be permanent. I did my best to try to make those qualities stick. Being SuperDad or SuperHubby? Fat lot of good all this did for me. She was still unhappy.
She already got her IUD after the pregnancy—as much I as opposed, and as much as I hoped or tried to reason with her, I wasn’t going to change her mind. At the end of the day, that’s on her and her conscience, and I told her as much. But I also told her I wasn’t going to blow up our marriage over it.
We plan on breastfeeding YS for up to a year—that’s the plan. With OS, her sex drive was stil pretty healthy—but OS was lazy and she pumped for him (and we bottle-fed him breast milk), whereas YS feeds directly from Mommy. I’m not sure if that matters, but it might.
W plans on going back to work tomorrow—maybe this will do her some good. Back in the workplace, not cooped up in the house, or having a child attached to her breasts all the time. She’s going to work out more—she got in great shape before, and she wants to get back in to it, because she admitted she looked and felt great. Perhaps that will help out with her body image, overall mood, and maybe sex drive? Who knows.
One last thing: W has to go back to work, and though there is the government shutdown, she is considered ‘essential’ and must report. Question is when does she get paid. This is our second (I believe? Or maybe third?) shutdown. Eventually, Congress authorizes back-pay for federal employees, but that is AFTER the shutdown. So, in the meantime, she gets one more already-earned paycheck, and then she relies on my Catholic HS paycheck until then. One thing I’ve always thought about with respect to her threats of leaving—who’s gonna help pay your bills while you’re on your own, especially during the next shutdown? Your dad? He’s retired, and though he lives fairly well in retirement, he’s still retired. Your mom? The federal employee who’s in the same boat as you and is only a handful of years away from retiring, best-case scenario? Someone else? Who? If there is an OM, OM if he is a federal employee? LOL.
Back in February, W mentioned that the only reason she’s sticking around is economics (I know believe nothing they say). My IC said that that is a fairly common statement and sentiment. But I also have to believe that if she truly wants out, she’d just get up and go, money be da**ed. But I’ve always wondered who would support her and her lifestyle if she decided to leave, especially with government shutdowns a reality.
Last night.....YS had a difficult time going to sleep, and was incredibly fussy.
Around midnight, W hands off YS to me, and he was fussing and yelling and screaming while I rocked him to try to get him to calm down. Eventually, I carried him around, and that got him to calm down, and I saw that he started to get sleepy.
/paraphrasing discussion from here on out:
W: [OS] says he can’t sleep because [YS] is making so much noise.
She then points at YS and calls him selfish. (I know that when I’ve been tired and / or frustrating with the kids in the past, I’ve acted out and probably said and did things I didn’t mean, but I wasn’t okay with this.)
Me: It’s not his fault, he doesn’t know any better, he’s 3 months old.
I forget exactly what W said next, but I told her not to take out her anger on YS.
She then accuses me of taking my anger out on her.
Me: I’m sorry you feel that way, but I need to take care of [YS] and you should go to sleep.
W: STOP SAYING THAT.....YOU’RE EITHER SORRY OR YOU’RE NOT.
I turn around and continue to walk YS around, and she storms off to bed.
I finally put YS down around 12:30 our time, and then fall asleep soon after.
