First post here, looking for some advice on what to do after divorce.
Some back story: Wife left 2 years ago, came back, "wanted to work on things", but never really tried, Divorce was final about 6 months ago.
Typical WAW, everything was my fault, re-wrote our marital history, I was "abusive", etc. I went to counseling, worked on me, did everything she asked. Found out about Divorce busters too late (right before divorce was final) and realized I had been chasing her and it was not helping the situation.
I couldn't find any major evidence of an affair,
Anyway, I guess I my biggest question is: How can I win my wife back if we have virtually no contact?
Kids are picked up/dropped off at school, no texts or phone calls (maybe an occasional text about kids schedule or school event)
So I don't ever talk to her or see her. I need to just move on, but for I feel like I can't.... if I move on am I accepting it? I never wanted the divorce and I really want us to be a family again. It feels weird saying that after she divorced me and put me through h3ll this past year and a half. But I believe in Christian forgiveness.
DB is about bettering yourself. Sorry you ended up in your situation. Post more about what happened. Cadet will be along shortly. Read everything he links. This is your time to be the best version of yourself possible. Get on it.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
First post here, looking for some advice on what to do after divorce.
Some back story: Wife left 2 years ago, came back, "wanted to work on things", but never really tried, Divorce was final about 6 months ago.
Typical WAW, everything was my fault, re-wrote our marital history, I was "abusive", etc. I went to counseling, worked on me, did everything she asked. Found out about Divorce busters too late (right before divorce was final) and realized I had been chasing her and it was not helping the situation.
I couldn't find any major evidence of an affair,
Anyway, I guess I my biggest question is: How can I win my wife back if we have virtually no contact?
Kids are picked up/dropped off at school, no texts or phone calls (maybe an occasional text about kids schedule or school event)
So I don't ever talk to her or see her. I need to just move on, but for I feel like I can't.... if I move on am I accepting it? I never wanted the divorce and I really want us to be a family again. It feels weird saying that after she divorced me and put me through h3ll this past year and a half. But I believe in Christian forgiveness.
Any help or thoughts are appreciated!
"How can I win my wife back if we have virtually no contact? "
Here is the answer to your question:
The best way to win your wife back is by having virtually no contact with her!
You admit to chasing her until you found DB. Look up the LRT. That is your best option at this point.
At the start of my sitch a very wise, anti-divorce expert gave me this advice: Do not dwell on how you can change your wife's mind, you cannot. When we will she come back? When she is ready to come back. And not a second before. For many in your shoes the WAW comes back too late. IE the LBH has found someone new and moved on. The key here is to not hold back your own life waiting for her. For some reason the minute the LBH TRULY moves on is the minute the WAW decides she made a mistake and wants to come back.
The tighter you hold on the less likely she will be to come back. Let her go.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Your H or W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Me-64, D32,S31
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You go grab life by the balls. Kick ass at work, make lots of money, get a great personal life, take great care of your hygiene, dress well, bust it in the gym, run, play sports, travel, hunt, take your kids out for the time of your life, make yourself a better, happier man. And people will say "Wow, TNhiker is really doing well" and you'll be feeling like "Wow, TNhiker is really doing well" and she'll be thinking "Wow,TNhiker is really doing well" and then everyone will want a piece of you.
You CAN do this.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Go kick lifes ass and enjoy yourself. Stop dwelling in the past and get moving on today.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Thanks guys for the advice, I needed to hear that. I am working out, volunteering, Bible study, etc. Trying to get to a good place where I'm moving on without her. Have tried online dating, but not much luck there. I'm in no hurry though.
Very uplifting stuff though! Will be reading the links posted also, thanks everyone!
Hang in there, man. Just keep focusing on yourself and things will slowly but surely get better. Remember to detach, the more mental effort you spend hashing and rehashing your past, the harder it will be and the longer it will take to heal.
