Dealing with a WW and finding my happiness pt. 5

[SoTorn]

Previous Thread:

Dealing with a WW and trying to save myself pt. 4


I agree with Lost. And yes I have met several very nice women. I have been talking to the woman who is quite a bit younger than me. We seem to get along and have a lot of similar interests. She is very sweet and is completely ok with me not wanting to rush into anything.

When I went out of state this last weekend this woman, again who is 13 years my junior, visited with me. We had a wonderful time. Between that and getting attention from a lot of random women I am really enjoying my freedom.

Still the same feeling today. Saw WW this morning. Shes a roommate and that's about it.

[lost8]

Exactly...I can see it being a problem if you are just trying to "get back" or even for what your WW has done....I was at that point 6 months ago but fast forward to now and I know I have a lot to offer and want to share good times with someone other than her. Everyone has problems and mine is I'm in a M that is dead, but WW doesn't want to move forward.

You are ONLY 38, you have a lot of years left. I can't believe how far I have come in 8 months from near suicidal (well maybe not that far but), to now I have a brand new life waiting for me.

[SoTorn]

Exactly...I can see it being a problem if you are just trying to "get back" or even for what your WW has done....I was at that point 6 months ago but fast forward to now and I know I have a lot to offer and want to share good times with someone other than her. Everyone has problems and mine is I'm in a M that is dead, but WW doesn't want to move forward.

You are ONLY 38, you have a lot of years left. I can't believe how far I have come in 8 months from near suicidal (well maybe not that far but), to now I have a brand new life waiting for me.

I agree lost. I was in bad shape when my WW moved upstairs. Like bad bad shape. Really really hurt and depressed. I realize completely that my M is dead. This woman that I met lives out of state which is a good thing because we can't just see each other all the time and it also gives me more incentive to get the heck out of state and go do something.

That being said, on the 18th, I am going on yet another road trip and this woman will be visiting me again. And no, this isnt to get back at WW or anything. This is to enjoy myself because I am allowed to do that. I am sure either I or WW will file for D in the near future.

I will measure my feelings every day for a while and just see how I feel in a month or so. Co-habitating doesnt bother me either. I get to see my kids. I have been kind of stagnant this week though because the weather has been brutal cold and wet. I hate the winters. Plus the kids started school again so they havent wanted to go out this week. Next week I will start back up with my major GAL activities.

[MoveFrwd]

This woman that I met lives out of state which is a good thing because we can't just see each other all the time and it also gives me more incentive to get the heck out of state and go do something. That being said, on the 18th, I am going on yet another road trip and this woman will be visiting me again.

Be VERY careful, ST.

Your words of "not wanting a R" and your actions arent matching up.

Her words of "being ok with you not being in a R with her" and these regular meetups arent matching up.

My opinion is that it is inappropriate to be seeing this woman while you are still considering W on any level.

Are you using this other woman to fill your "happiness void"?

[SoTorn]

This woman that I met lives out of state which is a good thing because we can't just see each other all the time and it also gives me more incentive to get the heck out of state and go do something. That being said, on the 18th, I am going on yet another road trip and this woman will be visiting me again.

Be VERY careful, ST.

Your words of "not wanting a R" and your actions arent matching up.

Her words of "being ok with you not being in a R with her" and these regular meetups arent matching up.

My opinion is that it is inappropriate to be seeing this woman while you are still considering W on any level.

Are you using this other woman to fill your "happiness void"?

Hi Amoafwl. Yes, very very very careful. I understand this completely. I am happy WITHOUT visiting this woman. I personally feel confident again and I am happy with myself. I have been doing a lot with other people. I am actually going out of town to do an activity that I really want to get into and its just something this woman likes to do as well. I have only met her once.

I have boundaries set for myself and have been VERY vocal about them. I am NOT trying to start up a long term relationship. I don't want that. I truly truly don't. But yes I NEED more friends, both female and male.

I am talking with male friends and female friends, new and old. I mean yes I guess this is a form of relationship. At this point its friendly and will remain that way. And at this point I am honestly not considering my WW. My WW fired me, I accept it, I am co-habitating and co-parenting. My WW is still head over heels with OM.

[SoTorn]

Journaling,


Today was a productive day with the GAL and with S11. I got up, got dressed nicely as I usually do and also cleaned my room up. Went for a hair cut with S11 and then afterwards S11 and I went to our favorite indoor karting arena. We have been to this place so many times that we have memberships and we have both started with the beginner karts and graduated to the adult and then to the super karts. These karts are amazing, they top out at 50mph on the straightaways.

We had a wonderful time. We raced a total of 32 laps and boy am I sore. I hold the top time for the month so far and S11 is right behind me. S11 is a great driver and we hope to get him into motorsports by buying him a BMW 135i and making it into a turnkey race car so he can start getting into the sport.

Afterwards we went and ate dinner where D19 works and being nice I picked up food for my WW.

Unfortunately, there was no gratitude from WW. WW went to the grocery store and when we were unloading the groceries from her car I saw a gift in her car from OM. I should have kept my mouth shut but I asked her what it was. She responded extremely angry with "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!" I said, "Ok, I understand" and she asked why I cared. I just responded stating that I don't and never mind, because I truly don't care and yes I should have just STFU. I was just curious to what it was and let my question come out, but there was no anger, it was just a very general sincere question of curiosity.

WW started to fling a huge amount of hate at me. WW again was digging through my closet and my room. No idea WTF she is looking for but I have nothing to hide at all. I am going to get some locks for my doors tomorrow because this is getting out of hand already. WW's level of disrespect for my personal space is staggering. I have stayed out of her room just as she asked and have not once gone back in there to dig through anything.

WW then said "Why do you have to ask that with the kids standing here?" AKA she is very upset that the kids know she has OM. I didn't validate anything I just told her that the kids know the truth already and I again asked her to please stop with the hate and arguing because its pointless and a waste of time at this point.

WW then told me that I need to move where she wants me to move when I move out. I advised her that I would move where it is convenient for the kids and I and asked her to please respect whatever decision I make as to where I want to live. WW then said "The courts will tell you". I know the courts won't force me to live in any specific area. Since WW sort of brought up our D, I just advised her that I was understanding that we were going to do this amicably and that the courts don't force anyone to live anywhere specific. I advised her that an amicable D doesn't have to have the courts decide anything.

WW then said randomly "you know what you are doing". I truly have no idea what she is referring to when she said that. I asked her to clarify what she meant by that and she couldn't. I again advised her that I would be happy to speak with her about logistics, the settlement and custody provided she is not being hateful and mistreating me.

I honestly fear that WW is considering trying to keep me from seeing my kids for some unknown reason. WW then went upstairs and berated D16 who messaged me and told me that WW was being extremely mean to her. WW is obviously in a very bad mood, yet again. D16 actually told me that she feels that WW doesn't want the 50 50 custody because WW doesn't want to have to pay child support to me.

I spoke with D16 and let her know that if it came down to the court deciding custody, due to her age, she can decide where she wants to reside. I advised D16 that if she wanted to live with WW full time that would be fine and I would accept that. D16 told me that she wanted the 50 50 custody that she heard WW speaking with me about a couple of months ago. D16 asked if she could speak with WW and tell her that she would be very upset if WW tried to keep me from having any sort of custody of them.

I advised D16 that if she felt the need to speak with WW that she can absolutely discuss her concerns as long as she isn't mean or hateful about it. D16 left to a friends house because WW was being very mean and short to her.

Again my perspective is that WW is all over the place with her emotions. Unfortunately it is very hard for me to validate because the emotions that WW refers to are worded to berate me, blame shift etc. Again, my feeling that I no longer want to remain in an MR with WW is still very strong. I am trying to be friendly, cordial and nice to her when I see her and she talks to me, but its nearly impossible due to her state of mind to have any sort of rational conversation with her or to have any sort of conversation where she isnt criticizing me, blame shifting, or just plain being ugly. I do not wish to have an R with this woman. I honestly feel that WW will not change and that its truly over between us. Even if WW wanted to R at this moment I would decline because her actions speak very loudly that she is still very much in the fog wherein she believes that I am below her and I am the enemy. My timeline is still intact.

[neffer]

Hey ST! You don’t validate each thing your W says... you need to stay away from her. There’s no need to confront either. Stay cool, calm and collected.

Be there for your kids. There know who to trust. Then keep up that good GAL you are doing.

Stay strong man. Keep DB

[SoTorn]

Thanks Nef. You are right, I just need to keep the distance. Anything besides NC ends up in me being mistreated.

My kids trust me 100%. So glad about that. Of course its snowing today. That means I'm stuck inside with WW.

[SoTorn]

Journaling,

So the weather has been poor. I had told S11 that if the weather cleared up a bit I would again take him karting. Its snowing and I dont like driving in the snow and I also cant get my car up the driveway when it snows. I was waiting for the weather and WW was downstairs with S11.

I dont want to be around my WW because she breathes conflict right now. I again went into my room, the MBR and locked the door. I do this because WW will not respect my boundaries to knock and not just walk into the room. I have a lot of laundry to do today and I started going through old clothes that no longer fit so I can donate them.

I'm in my closet and WW starts banging on the door frantically. So I answer and of course shes like "why do you keep locking the door? What are you hiding? What are you doing?"

I just politely asked what she needed... five times in a row, because she wouldn't stop giving me a hard time about her not being able to just walk into my room. WW gets mad saying I promised to take S11 karting again. I already spoke with S11 first thing this AM about the snow and he was fine. WW turns it into a huge ordeal that I haven't taken him even though its snowing hard still.

I again spoke with S11 and he was fine. WW got S11 and D16 all riled up for God knows what. So WW decides to just go drive in snow and take him herself. That's perfectly fine, she can actually go do something that S11 likes with him. D16 messaged me and told me not to worry about it.

Why cant WW leave me alone? What is so difficult about me not wanting her to just barge in my room? God help me get through this last month or two in this home.

Could it be that WW is trying to force me to leave sooner than planned?

[lost8]

ST, sorry your sitch just doesn't seem to even take a break. I think less interaction the better at this point and good luck to her trying to get you to leave earlier. You are stronger than that...you leave when you are ready to leave.