Hi Gekko. My H and I are going to try a 2-3-2 schedule. M,T with one parent, W,Th,F with other parent and Sat,Sun with the parent who had the M,T that week. Switches every week. i.e. H, H, W, W, W, H, H and the next week... W, W, H, H, H, W, W and then back to H, H... We’ll see how it goes...
Otherwise, DBing is going well, I am not as frosty to W, cracking jokes
(cont'd) and for the most part getting back to my normal self minus the defensiveness, playing music in the house, working on some home maintenance projects, hanging with the kids, working on the computer, walking around the house as I always have (as The King) and generally feeling pretty comfortable despite the looming D. Got out with some friends for beers, food and football over the weekend and it felt great. Lots of really beautiful women in my town, many at the venue we went to, lots of fingers with no rings...I know I know. But just being out in that environment did help my head space.
I know there is a rough road ahead, but I am going to enjoy as many positive moments along the way as possible.
Hi Gekko. My H and I are going to try a 2-3-2 schedule. M,T with one parent, W,Th,F with other parent and Sat,Sun with the parent who had the M,T that week. Switches every week. i.e. H, H, W, W, W, H, H and the next week... W, W, H, H, H, W, W and then back to H, H... We’ll see how it goes...
Thanks Deja! I will be checking back in with you to get your reaction after you have being on that sched for awhile. I'm thinking of trying to split the weekends so I get at least one F/SA night and either SA/SU day every weekend. It's a complicated deal trying to get 50/50 because of the 7 day week. Find myself yearning for an 8 day week to make it easier.
I am mulling over what I want to do about custody. I am hearing that kids that are the same age as mine do better with more frequent hand-offs (every 2-3 days) so they are not apart from either parent for too long.
My brother did a 2-3-2 split with his ex. His kids were pretty young at the time. He absolutely hated it. The kids were basically living out of suitcases and backpacks because it felt like they were always on the move. Because the handoff days were always switching from week-to-week they were constantly confused about when the handoffs were. They had trouble keeping track of homework too, because it would often fall across handoffs.
My ex and I did a weekly split. We did handoffs on Sundays. We still do with S16 since he's in high school. But we both loved it, the kids loved it, it always worked very smoothly for us. Handoffs were always very leisurely since it was on Sunday, we were never real strict with each other on the time, would let it float if needed. Most homework doesn't span the weekends so we didn't have to talk a lot about it at handoffs, but sometimes if there was a big project then we could cover it then. I have to travel for work sometimes so it was easy to check my schedule and coordinate travel with the weeks I didn't have the kids. A week at a time is long enough for the kids to feel "settled" too.
Regarding your comment about not being apart from a parent for too long, my ex and I had that discussion and agreed to allow one evening visit per week by the other parent. IE, if I had the kids then my ex could come take them one evening for dinner, or visit with them at my house or whatever. We actually had that written into the D decree. In actual practice we didn't use it much because the kids were all in sports, band, cheer, color guard, etc. So we both ended up seeing them a lot during the week anyway.
That's just the personal experience of my brother and me, your situation may be different. Just something to think about.
Thanks R2C. I am mulling over what I want to do about custody. I am hearing that kids that are the same age as mine do better with more frequent hand-offs (every 2-3 days) so they are not apart from either parent for too long. I think I want a set schedule every week so the kids are with me on the same days of the week consistently. This would require one day each week the W and I alternate. W has not proposed anything yet.
For what it's worth, My XW and I rotate the kids on a 3/3/4/4 schedule. It means I have them every Friday and Saturday night, but I havent really found that to be as much of a hindrance as I expected.
The best thing I did was suggest the "Drop off parent". IE who ever has the kids drops them off at the other parents house at "exchange time".
This eliminated waiting around for the kids at the other parents house when there is a "Pick up parent".
I also agree that the more exchanges, the more confusion. At the beginning we had some 2/3 variant. My youngest never knew were/when she was going. Always had to clarify.
I would see my kids all the time anyway based off of sports/band etc. One would be in the activity and the other 2 would float back and forth between me,X her parents and my parents.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Thanks for the input on the custody issue everyone, it definitely helps give perspective. Regardless of who moves out we are likely to live within 5-10 minutes of each other so that will help a lot.
Had a 15 minute convo with W last night (she initiated) about telling the kids about D that morphed into talking about the MR and its issues. I made some notes right after and I will post the dialogue here when I have more time to get everyones' thoughts.
I am also still contemplating whether to investigate if the W is having an EA/PA. I have been on the fence for awhile. I would not be surprised at all if she is in an EA, texting and talking and such. If she is in a PA, for the most part she would have to be doing it during the day as she is home every night. I have checked mileage on the car a few times and it has matched up with where she said she was going. I have also snooped text messages without anything turning up. My gut is telling me to go a bit further with my efforts and to be prepared to take the pain of finding something.
My gut is telling me to go a bit further with my efforts and to be prepared to take the pain of finding something.
If you decide to follow your gut, do some reading before making your final decision. Start with this poster PuppyDogTails Click on "show posts" and WAIT. It takes a very along time for the page to load for some reason.
