I have no idea what to do at this point. She has said you can't come home im not ready for that etc etc. she also said i dont think we can be under the same roof at the same time.
You move back into your house ASAP. You sleep in the master bedroom.
W:"H, bla bla bla why are you back, bla bla bla" H:"I decided I like it here" W:"Bla bla bla bla bla .. you need to leave bla bla bla" H:"I am sorry you feel that way. If you need time and space, you are free to leave"
Do this calmly. Pay attention to your body language, and tone. Maintain strong eye contact.
I told her today i had a job back in Co at the ski resort till end of ski season. She then said i dont know when else to do this but ITS OVER WE ARE DONE. We are never getting back together. I will ship you your stuff. whatever it takes, etc etc etc. When we got off the phone she text me that she wants me to ship her the house key and the car keys. She never wants me there ever again.
Sorry to hear about your situation bubbs. I am in a similar situation, a bit different, but I am 1000 miles from home due to work, not because she kicked me out. I went home for Thanksgiving and got the bomb dropped on me that she doesn't think we can be together, blah, blah, blah. Told me I couldn't live there, she needed space to think, all the same stuff. Then I went home for Christmas and got served divorce papers with restraining orders that prevented me from going to the house. I was crushed, despondent, trying to find fixes for all the stuff she blamed me for, etc...none of it works, because the problem isn't YOU. You may have done things that contributed; work on those and improve for YOU, that is all you can do at this point. Pursuit and groveling will get you more of the same. The distance issue seems insurmountable, but the space has really helped me to detach from the situation and start getting myself together for the long haul.
These situations all have similar components to them. Start reading and educating yourself on what you can expect going forward. She is in control of everything right now and doesn't want to think about giving any back to you. Thus the demands about keys and stuff. She is in a fog and is running from your pursuit.
The number one thing I have learned so far...control what you can control. Your emotions, your actions, your reactions, and what comes out of your mouth.
Listen to R2C and AS. They have good advice. Show up, move in, do your thing. She can leave if she wants.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Sorry to hear about your situation bubbs. I am in a similar situation, a bit different, but I am 1000 miles from home due to work, not because she kicked me out. I went home for Thanksgiving and got the bomb dropped on me that she doesn't think we can be together, blah, blah, blah. Told me I couldn't live there, she needed space to think, all the same stuff. Then I went home for Christmas and got served divorce papers with restraining orders that prevented me from going to the house. I was crushed, despondent, trying to find fixes for all the stuff she blamed me for, etc...none of it works, because the problem isn't YOU. You may have done things that contributed; work on those and improve for YOU, that is all you can do at this point. Pursuit and groveling will get you more of the same. The distance issue seems insurmountable, but the space has really helped me to detach from the situation and start getting myself together for the long haul.
These situations all have similar components to them. Start reading and educating yourself on what you can expect going forward. She is in control of everything right now and doesn't want to think about giving any back to you. Thus the demands about keys and stuff. She is in a fog and is running from your pursuit.
The number one thing I have learned so far...control what you can control. Your emotions, your actions, your reactions, and what comes out of your mouth.
Listen to R2C and AS. They have good advice. Show up, move in, do your thing. She can leave if she wants.
See im scared if I show up the would do same with the restraining orders as she works at govt building with police.. I have a job thats in the mts but if I go back home with the dog I dont have a job lined up there. I wasn't working when I left. Its a rental we do not own the house and I can't remember whether my name is even on the lease honestly. I do have a key yes.
See im scared if I show up the would do same with the restraining orders as she works at govt building with police.. I have a job thats in the mts but if I go back home with the dog I dont have a job lined up there. I wasn't working when I left. Its a rental we do not own the house and I can't remember whether my name is even on the lease honestly. I do have a key yes.
You can only control your actions. Do not worry about her reaction, that is beyond your control. You aren't moving there to make her want you or to see that she is wrong, you are moving there because that's what you want. Being closer may or may not help. Your actions can help or hurt, though. She can do what she wants. She wants out and you don't, correct? Then why should you be the one to leave?
My W is using the restraining order to isolate me from the kids, to try and get the marital home, and to not have to communicate with me about anything while she knows there is little I could do to fight it. It will get cleared up soon at the hearing. I am confident in that.
You show up, move in, get a life, get a job, get some friends, and that's what you can control. You aren't being mean and nasty, just different than before. You are taking some control for yourself. You have to be prepared for anything when you get there though. Could be she already has an OM living in the house. Anything.
Think before you act, think before you speak. Ask yourself, 'Will what I am about to say/do help or hurt the situation?'
How far to the mountain job? I assumed that you would work there if you moved back.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
See im scared if I show up the would do same with the restraining orders as she works at govt building with police.. I have a job thats in the mts but if I go back home with the dog I dont have a job lined up there. I wasn't working when I left. Its a rental we do not own the house and I can't remember whether my name is even on the lease honestly. I do have a key yes.
You can only control your actions. Do not worry about her reaction, that is beyond your control. You aren't moving there to make her want you or to see that she is wrong, you are moving there because that's what you want. Being closer may or may not help. Your actions can help or hurt, though. She can do what she wants. She wants out and you don't, correct? Then why should you be the one to leave?
My W is using the restraining order to isolate me from the kids, to try and get the marital home, and to not have to communicate with me about anything while she knows there is little I could do to fight it. It will get cleared up soon at the hearing. I am confident in that.
You show up, move in, get a life, get a job, get some friends, and that's what you can control. You aren't being mean and nasty, just different than before. You are taking some control for yourself. You have to be prepared for anything when you get there though. Could be she already has an OM living in the house. Anything.
Think before you act, think before you speak. Ask yourself, 'Will what I am about to say/do help or hurt the situation?'
How far to the mountain job? I assumed that you would work there if you moved back.
mountain job is way to far to drive to. id be living up their for the rest of season at ski resort which is only 3 months. They have seperate housing thats really cheap for employees.
I have asked myself that question and i dont see how going back when she clearly doesnt want me there would help the situation
I have asked myself that question and i dont see how going back when she clearly doesnt want me there would help the situation
Is what you are doing now meeting your goals and desires for your life and relationship?
This whole thing as I am learning is not about making her want you back; its about making yourself a man that anyone would want to be with. She may see the changes and think twice; she may never look back. Either way if you work on yourself you come out ready for taking on the world.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
I have asked myself that question and i dont see how going back when she clearly doesnt want me there would help the situation
Is what you are doing now meeting your goals and desires for your life and relationship?
This whole thing as I am learning is not about making her want you back; its about making yourself a man that anyone would want to be with. She may see the changes and think twice; she may never look back. Either way if you work on yourself you come out ready for taking on the world.
I have been contemplating going back and just showin up for a week or 2 now . Just dont know if that drives me closer or farther away.
