Into the Fire (LB55 thread 2)

[LB55]

Link to previous thread, getting close to 100 posts.

LB55 Thread Number 1

Quick summary of my sitch. In the military, been gone for a year, home for Thanksgiving and W said she talked to L and wanted out, didn't love me ever, etc...Came home for Christmas and got served divorce papers, an ex parte restraining order, and other nasty stuff. Have seen my kids for 5 hours since November. Permanently moving back to geographic location of W and kids as I write this. Hearing is scheduled for 1 Feb for the temp orders.

Away we go.

[LB55]

Well I arrive back in the same geographic location as W and kids tomorrow. I am immediately going to get in my vehicle and go spend a couple days at my sister's house to relax and work on legal stuff. I will be able to get my mail, which will have all of my credit cards in it plus all my new checking account stuff and ATM card. That will make me a bit more comfortable, as right now I am rolling with the shirt on my back and the money in my pocket.

Saw today that she used our joint credit card to rent a storage unit. It is likely she is going to put all of 'my' stuff in there and then tell me I can pick up the key from her parents. Somehow she will think that I am just going to accept this as a good faith act on her part to 'help' me. All it does for me is show guilt and shame that she doesn't want me to see what is going on at the house. I will let the court and my L sort it out.

It is clear to me through W actions that she believes this is already in the bag and the court will just agree with her declaration and be done with it. Booking vacations before you know the assigned parenting plan is destined to backfire.

Will be interested to see what the L has to say with her first draft of the response to W declaration. I sent the L all the info on Wednesday to start working it. Have a medical appointment tonight to get a lover function test done to help prove my lack of alcoholism. Drafted a reasonable spousal support plan in reply to her 'needs statement' as well. Its amazing how using actual bank statements for actual costs results in a $1500/month difference between her estimates and reality.

[AnotherStander]

Good luck LB, it is really horrible what she has done to you and I hope you come out of this on top! You've really shown a lot of strength and resilience throughout, well done!

[LB55]

A couple of days at my sisters house was nice and relaxing, and I met my parents on my way back to the base for dinner last night. Got all my banking stuff figured out, got my new credit cards, my checks for the new checking account, the payoff statement for the first rental home, etc. Sister had hurt her back on Saturday, so I cooked dinner both nights I visited to help out and that was nice to be able to help out. Pruned a couple trees in her yard too. Her and her H have been very supportive during all this and it was nice to be able to repay them a little bit.

Got an email from L today that W's credit card is hard to use since I changed the mailing address for all the banking stuff to an address that she doesn't know. She can't buy gas at the pump because she doesn't know the zip code. Gasp! She has to go pay inside; how exasperating! :-) I find it amusing. Her choice. There are consequences. This is just a small one. Just wait until I close that account after the hearing next week and she has to get her own credit card. I have to protect myself financially and that is just another step to separating us financially. Insurance is next after the hearing. She can get her own car insurance too.

It was kind of a rough night last night, woke up after having dreams of sex with WW. Not of her and OM, but her and I. My brain is missing that, it has been since September; we had a great sex life and would be intimate usually 4-5 days per week. It was exciting and consistently evolving. I miss it sometimes. Hoping this dreaming doesn't become a regular thing; it makes it hard to spend the morning working and being detached.

Going to the gym tonight and then will spend time reading NMMNG since I got that in the mail.

8 days until the temp orders hearing.

[joejoe1]

LB,

You are doing great. Those dreams are part of the process. Her fantasy will slowly come crashing down.

Keep Going!
Onward and Forward!

[LB55]

Thanks Joe.

Trying to keep all the plates spinning like a circus act and more plates keep getting added. I miss my old life but not the drama from my W. I didn’t know how bad it was, my family has been biting their tongues for years and it’s all coming out now. She has prevented my family from seeing the kids while I was deployed, thrown away groceries that were bought while she was on bed rest because they weren’t the right brand, etc; my family never told me because they didn’t want to hurt me.

Even if I decided someday that recon is what I want, I am not sure W could swallow her pride and apologize to my family, our kids, or me. She will definitely try and sweep it under the rug if she decides to recon. Right now the answer from me would be a firm no until you meet all these requirements and then I will consider your genuineness.

I know that’s a lobg way out if ever, I just like to mentally prep myself for the unexpected early so it isn’t so much of an ambush if/when it happens.

[Ready2Change]

I agree that you are doing great. You are taking the proper actions. Keep it up.

[Vapo]

LB, you rock. Keep up the good work.

[LB55]

Thanks R2C and Vapo. This is the hardest thing I have ever had thrown at me. Recently I had to move mountains to get a guy home from halfway around the world to see his 2 year old in ICU after being found at the bottom of a pool. His son died 2 days later. Makes me tear up to this day thinking about it. This crap with W and what she is doing to isolate me from the kids hurts even worse than thinking about his pain and suffering.

I have a question that I keep meaning to ask but keep forgetting. What is the general consensus about informing people that were/are friends from our marriage? We had a bunch of joint friends from around town and i don't think any of them know what is going on. I would like to start working on those friendships again but they live within 3 blocks of my W and are sure to want to know what the deal is. I also have to tell my pastor, he needs to know, and he will probably call my W to talk with her about it.

I owe the L another $5000, makes it tough to feel good about GAL and spending money with that kind of debt hanging over your head. The L's both know how much we have, and W is playing right into their hands with email after email that cost $60/each to complain about nonsense. She thinks I am paying her L fees because that is what she requested in her declaration, I am hoping the court will make her pay her own fees. So frustrating. Cost me $300 yesterday in emails about the car insurance that didn't change. She wouldn't just call them herself, instead emailing back and forth between lawyers to ask questions. I gave her the phone number and direct extension but still refused to call and ask her question directly to the insurance company. This hearing cant get here fast enough now. 7 more days.

[Ready2Change]

I have a question that I keep meaning to ask but keep forgetting. What is the general consensus about informing people that were/are friends from our marriage? We had a bunch of joint friends from around town and i don't think any of them know what is going on. I would like to start working on those friendships again but they live within 3 blocks of my W and are sure to want to know what the deal is.

I would keep the details of your sitch private with most people. Pick a few close friends for real discussions.

"It ran it's course" is one of my favorite answers for people who ask.

I would also wait until restraining order is gone before going anywhere near the house.

I owe the L another $5000, makes it tough to feel good about GAL and spending money with that kind of debt hanging over your head. The L's both know how much we have, and W is playing right into their hands with email after email that cost $60/each to complain about nonsense.

This is what angered me the most. Do what you can to minimize legal cost. Don't quibble over little things. Stand firm on the important things.

So frustrating.

Yes. the whole thing is emotionally and financially devastating.