At the beginning of every new year I simply hope for the next one to be better than the last and I try to simply remain thankful for all I accomplish and just surviving another year.
Last year was crazy as usual, another surgery, a new job, a new house, and a new boyfriend. Lots of good stuff in one year. The beginning really stunk, but it picked up in the second half.
looking to a new job this year, again.keeping my fingers crossed for my interview on Thursday. Still trying to overcome fears and scars that revolve around relationships and rejection. But I am learning to just be in the moment and quit worrying about the future.
As a part of my new year crap, I got on the scale. I haven't in months. And I weigh 10lbs more than I though I did. I haven't weighed this much since the end of my second trimester of pregnancy. I usually don't make a new years resolution out of weight loss, but I have to. For my health. So I just plan to dedicate more time to myself and my health.
I have been nauseous since last night, I think the antibiotics are affecting me a little. Maybe it's a good thing. But my other symptoms are much better. I got stuff done last night and built a shelving unit for D11 she's been wanting, so I got a little surprise for her. Depending on how I feel, I might drop by a friend's house tonight, but I working tomorrow and today, so I most likely won't be staying up until midnight. Wish I could kiss my man, but I am ever so thankful I have a man to kiss after the new year. D11 will be home when I get home from work tomorrow. I miss her much. Thursday I get to see M.
Good stuff, I really do hope everything continues in an upswing.
Last year didn't start out as well as expected for you, but the end of the year turned out to so much better. You accomplished a lot in 2018 and 2109 will be even better.
As for the weight gain, stress, the inactivity while recovering from surgery and sitting at your job may have contributed to the weight gain. You shouldn't have a problem losing those pounds this year, especially w/the pup. Walking him when the weather is better will be an incentive to get out there and lose the weight.
I am sure you know this already, but are you eating something before taking the meds? Sometimes we tend to forget to eat something before taking them. I do hope you feel better very soon. Don't push yourself if you aren't feeling well.
Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
On New Year's eve I came home from work, it was pouring and I was feeling blah. My friend invited me over, but I just wasn't up to it. I had been kind of down and out for a few days. I couldn't put my finger on it. I thought it was because I missed M and wish I could have been with him, but I think it was more because I missed having my D around. The house just isn't the same without her. She is such a presence and is so missed when she isn't there. However, her dad left her with grandma and her little cousins on NYE and the adults went out. She facetimed me for the ball drop and we got to ring in the new years together. I was a little pissed because it was just her and her grandma, D11 told me they had to deal with unruly kids and getting them to bed and they went to bed at like 9:30. I would have taken D11 to my friends house where her friends are too. I worked yesterday and that was nice money and not bad at all. I saw a few people and they all asked "are you getting the job? We really all hope you get the job!" Me too! I dread coming to my current full-time job.
D11 came home yesterday when I got home from work. She was thrilled to be home, but then she had her "I don't see my Daddy enough" crying attack. She says the divorce is unfair to her because she barely gets to see her dad, and when she does they are either at his sisters house or he's playing his game. It angers me that he doesn't see her more because it is HIS choice, which I can't tell her. It would break her. I lie for him. I had to pull teeth to get him to take her tomorrow night so I could see M. She has no clue about that. I asked her what might make things better that is within our control and she said "life is just unfair, I'll deal with it". Broke my heart. I know her father won't take anymore weeknights. But I was thinking about giving up one of my Friday night's a month if he will have it. Of course, that takes away the relaxing times I get to have with her, but if it makes her feel better, then I will sacrifice it. I decided it was the right time to tell her I was planning to take her to an indoor waterpark in 2 weeks and she could invite a friend. It cheered her right up and she told me, "Mommy, thanks so much for trying to make everything better, this really cheers me up. You have always taken such good care of me and I love you so much" Was it a bribe? Nah. It was something I was going to do for her and it made her feel better.
On a happier note, the last weekend in Janurary, M and I are planning a trip to Vermont at this great ski resort. Our first trip together. I am really excited, I have never been to Vermont. I am also excited to try snowboarding for the first time and the "après ski" (a term I just learned) is awesome out there. I am really looking forward to spending a whole weekend with him and having fun. I miss him much and until then, we won't even be seeing eachother too much because I am working my next free weekend. We hang out after work, but still, I look forward to having one on one time. And the first half of the first day I'll be taking lessons while he hits the trails of his level.
I've been eating super healthy since 12/31/18 and weighing myself everyday and I m going to get fit again. It's not so much for the looks of it (well, part of it, I took pride when I worked out hard and looked decent) but my health. I don't feel as good as I did when I was in good shape and eating right. It's not a resolution. It's just time now the craziness is dying down to focus back to me a little.
Good luck with your interview! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you to get this new job.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I hope you get the job. It's time for you to have a change whereby you feel good about getting up and going to work. When you dislike the place where you are working, it makes it a long day each and every day. I bet if you were in a place you liked, the stress would drop and the weight would come off. Stress does help to pack on the pounds too.
Enjoy the rest of the week, if you can.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am also excited to try snowboarding for the first time
Ok - warning - you will feel like you got hit by a truck afterwards. You fall a lot the first day. Wear wrist guards.
The best thing my ex ever did for me was schedule me a massage for the day after my first snowboarding lesson.
And if conditions are anything other than deep soft powder, consider wearing padding over your tailbone (I had some kind of a pad - I think maybe we made it from a dense foam backpacking sleeping pad - that I slipped into my snowpants. But I hear they now make special impact shorts. Trust me you won't regret them.)
Thanks! Today is the big day and I hope to hear back sometimes next week.
Today is also the day I get to see M after 10 days! I can't wait.
Well, our first official trip is booked together! Killington, here we come! I am excited and nervous about snowboarding. I am getting the lessons and he was giving me good tips last night.
I went skiing with my ex first when I was 19 and when I was 20 for my first time. He is about the most least patient man and mean. The first time he was kind of nice and somewhat patient. The next time, he was downright evil. We went with his friends, he brought me up the mountain and told me I should have known what to do from the one time from the year before. Many other absolutely awful things happened that day, and I never attempted again. I do remember the soreness! I am a crossfitter/weightlifter/kickboxer, and I never knew a muscle pain like that! It lasted for days. Good new is there is a heated outdoor pool and he said he would give me a massage:) I didn't even have to ask.
We are doing Killington in hopes for soft powder. We live by a decent amount of trails in NJ/NY/PA and they aren't the best right now although he went to one with his son this past weekend and it wasn't too bad. When I went with my ex, it was April, so slushy and it was rough.
I've been on top of my diet, lost 3 lbs since Monday, will probably have a drink or two tonight, but I'll be back on track otherwise. I went to the gym last night and D11 says "please don't go!" that's why it is so hard to stick to it. But I told her it's only an hour and she has homework, so she will just have to deal. She was fine, of course. Mommy guilt is a real thing.
So glad for your trip and relationship! You deserve this. Seriously.
Just wanted to say, I can so relate to listening to your child feel upset about the divorce being unfair. My son was recently telling me about how the 2nd worst thing that can happen to someone happened to him - that being that his parents divorced. (1st worst thing would be if I died) He too is upset because he does not see his dad enough. I do not tell him, its because his dad does not want it. They are too young to understand that in their case, its not the word "divorce" that [censored]. Its the word "dad" and I feel really bad for the day they have to come to terms with it. What I have been saying when my son asks questions is "Daddy loves you, but he has problems". I do not say this to disparage my ex. I just want my son to know that it is not him. That his dads rejection has nothing to do with him. Its a fine line. I know it.
Hey Ju! Thanks, Things have been finally treating me pretty good in the R area. My ex will always remain the same arse, ufortunately. And I do lie to her, because I don't want to crush her little soul. What girl wants to hear that their Daddy chooses not to see her more? That would just set her up for guy issues and relationship issues and bad choices in the future. These are the times I want to rage at him. I also know he doesn't feel like a normal person, so none of this would even get through. She seems to have forgotten all about her sadness now that I am taking her and her friend to an indoor water park. It's pretty much all she can focus on.
I had my interview yesterday and I feel it went really well. The biggest boss and then the one right under her interviewed me (I have interviewed with them before and currently work for them) The bigger boss is a little more stoic (she is actually a hippie wiccan. Her office reeks of patchouli" and the other woman obviously wants me to have the job. It is for the craziest floor in the whole hospital which I am totally cool with. They asked questions regarding that and I seemed to have impressed them with my answers. The biggest boss concluded with "well, we have more interviews, but we are looking to fill the position rather quickly, so you will know next week. How many weeks would you have to give you current job? I will have to talk to your manager so they can release you to me" so, she starts to talk like I have the job. So, who knows. I am just praying.
I got to see M last night, yay!!! I am glad that we can go 10 days without seeing each other and then be so excited to se eachother and comfortable at the same time. We had some apps and beers, caught up, spoke excitedly about our upcoming trip together. It's just a weekend, but we really haven't gotten to spend that consecutive sort of time with each other. He slept over and yeah, ya know, 10 days...... I can't see him until next week again, and I felt like last night just wasn't enough time. I guess it keeps things fresh though. This weekend if crazy busy with D11's cheer banquet and de-christmasizing my home. And I plan to take D11 to yoga tomorrow morning and Spin for me on Sunday. encouraging a healthy lifestyle for the both of us.
That's my boring update. Hopefully I can update soon about a new job!
