The trip made things very real for him and he’s freaking out a bit. He said he tends to overthink when it comes to his son.
I asked him if there was something in particular that made him overthink. That I thought the trip went very well. He said the trip did go well and nothing happened. It’s all very new to him and he is treading lightly . I asked him what he needs from me. He told me to understand that he needs to go slowly. Which he said I’ve been amazing with.
My feelings on this are soon to come. But wow. I can’t keep taking the hits anymore. I’m tired.
Let me ask you a question - how would you feel if this relationship just stayed an adult dating relationship? That is, no involving the kids, no marriage, just a monogamous dating relationship that didn't involve the children? Could you handle that?
I mean - you have a lot that you like in the relationship. But I think that moving too fast forward into blended family territory may not benefit either of you. I know you seek the validation of that, but if you got what you wanted (him living with you in a blended family) you might find it's not all it's cracked up to be. You might find you don't want to share parenting decisions about your daughter and being a step-parent where a difficult ex is involved might not be as fun as you imagine.
So I ask you to consider - what would be so bad about just having a steady monogamous boyfriend that you see on a regular basis, but don't actually involve your children in the relationship?
Please start a new thread and link link this thread to your new one. I'll like your new one to this one for you since I have now locked the thread. Thanks!
Last edited by job; 03/20/1910:40 PM. Reason: Locked Thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I would not be ok with that. My daughter is a huge part of my life. And his son is a Big part of his. I am special enough and my daughter is special enough to be a I don’t want to live two separate ones. I could live in two separate houses for a long long time but I want to be able to be a part of each other’s lives.
I’m sort of baffled. Our kids get along great, his son couldn’t stop talking about my daughter. He wanted to come over on his dads night .
And I think that might be it. Sharing his limited time with his son. Maybe he wants him all to himself and not have to share the time they have together?
Everyone had fun. He admits to that. I don’t know what it is. Maybe he thinks I’m not a good mom? I really don’t know.
When sh!t starts to get real, that’s wheb every guy has run.
I’m hoping he doesn’t. But I did say I need to know that even if we go slow, we are in this together . And he said “I’m here sweetie 😘”
Well, this is all been over text. And now I think we really need to sit down and have a true R talk. Only we can’t see each other until next week. My ex is galavanting around Italy .
This is just too much for once. This is why I always wait for the other shoe to drop. In this case, i waited until the other boob popped. Thank god I still have my sense of humor
Ginger - it sounds like you've got a over-thinker - I can see small echos of me. I do think that talking this out will be good as long as you don't do the "we need to talk" speech. But you know that already. The "I'm having a tough time figuring out" might be a better approach. Then he can help you understand - says the fixer here.
Even though you are doing your best with taking things slow and smoothly - speed is a very relative thing. A new relationship can be overwhelming and difficult. I don't recall but I think you are the first one for him that has ever gotten any traction.
PS - I still think that the balloon animal boob idea could be a winner
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Gosh G I don't really understand what the big deal is. His son is like 3 right???? I mean if you guys don't work out long term his son will likely never remember you 30 years down the road. Even if I wait 6 months and intro the DR to my girls there is still no guarantee that it would work either.
IMO it is more about him and being in a R that is getting serious than anything else.
I am not saying he is going to bail but if this is his first time I can understand where he is coming from as I have felt the same about the DR.
Well, this is all been over text. And now I think we really need to sit down and have a true R talk.
Please no.
You've only been dating for what, six months? So far everything has gone just fine, I really think trying to push for some kind of commitment to a future whatever is a bad idea. I get a pit in my stomach when you say "relationship talk".
I know how badly you want to be married again to be validated but don't let the stink of desperation sink what has been, so far, a good relationship.
I think, so long as he still feels he needs to lie to his son about the nature of your relationship, you shouldn't be spending time with his kid. (Now, whether that's because he doesn't think his kid could handle it, or because he's afraid of further fallout with his ex if she finds out, who knows, but I would just leave the kids out of the relationship for now. Your daughter does NOT need to become attached to this guy and his kid until it's really clear that this is a forever thing. 6 months was a MINIMUM waiting time for them to meet but it could be wise to wait a lot longer.)
Don't jump to conclusions about what he is or isn't ready to do or about how he will or won't help you with your surgery. Just tell him what you need from him in regards to surgery and refrain from planning any more kids-involved activities for now.
Hey my friend. So sorry you are going thru yet another freakin thing.
So..health first..above all else. The money part sux..been there...still there.. LOL! But you are young and resourceful so you will be ok on that front.
As far as M...A few things. The first thing being that we can't decide how someone should act, right? I mean, we know how we would act and would want someone to act similarly, but, it doesnt work that way. We are all different with different experiences and personalities
You had an expectation and he didnt meet it and you freaked a little bit. We learned about expectations during our journey, though.
Would it have been nice if he bundled you up in his arms and told you it was going to be ok and he would be there for you? Yep. Because he didnt, does that mean he failed? I dont believe so.
When I was having my hip redone, R took me to the hospital...and then he was going to leave. I said, "What?" "Dont you want to know if I am ok afterwards? I was really upset. We had been together 2 and a half years at that point.
After talking about it for a bit, it came out that he felt my sister was there and that was who I wanted. Assumptions on his part for sure. His whole family could have been there if he was hospitalized and nothing would have kept me away. He didnt really come often to see me at my sister's while I recouped either.
I am not going to lie, my feelings were hurt. Through conversations I realized that he felt that my sister and my son were there and I didnt really need him. He also was really scared about losing me.
I thought about it all for a long time and I realized this. ..Just because he didnt act as I would doesnt mean he doesnt love me. He shows that he does in a million different ways. He has stepped up when I struggle.
I learned this... I know his life experiences, his personality and his feelings are his. How they manifest themselves in life is something I cant control. He is who he is...I am who I am. How I act is not some certain standard by which everyone needs to act. I can just be in control of my actions.
But I will admit that I had to think about what would happen if something serious were to happen to me. Would he be there for me? I had to have that conversation with him because it mattered to me. I felt assured he would be, but, have nothing but faith as a guarantee. I would have to decide at that time what to do.
So...right now M is having a hard time with all of this. Nothing wrong with you telling him what you need. You cant control how he reacts, though. You can only control your reaction to it. But clearly, if he walks away because of this..probably not someone who is worthy of you.
