I have a clearer head now than I did about an hour or so ago, but I'm still extremely hurt by what just transpired.
I had yet another great day today, though I did have some down moments only because I am in the infancy of a friendship with more possibly down the road. More on that in another post.
As most of you know by now, my living setup is a 3/3 or 3/4 split. I stay at the house with D4 three days per week and WW stays with D4 the other three days of the week. The 7th day is turning into my 4th day with D4 while WW is whatever.
Today was the day I came home. I arrived with the expectation of WW waiting for me with D4 so that we can do the handoff and WW takes off. It was supposed to be a happy evening of snuggles, dinner-making, and movie-watching. I wanted to enjoy it tonight because D4 is going to celebrate her birthday with OM2's friend's kids. The party is a slumber party. I was going to have the evening with the house to myself.
Apparently I was to have the house by myself tonight as well.
I called WW and calmly asked where she was. She told me that she had to take D4 because she had a job interview early tomorrow morning so she wanted to get up, drop D4 off at the sitter, and she goes to the interview. I knew she had an interview. But I did not know nor was I made aware that she would be taking D4 with her to spend the night at OM2's place. I calmly and firmly tell her that I was not told of this plan. I told her that I was to spend the night with D4 like we have done every week for months now.
She claimed that it "slipped her mind and did not think about it". She offered to bring D4 back to the house. I told her no. It was supposed to freeze tonight and I don't want her to risk her well-being. She asked that I go the city where she is staying and take D4 out to dinner. I declined. I was not going to drive in, spend 30-45 minutes having dinner, drop her off, then drive back to my house. It's disrespectful. She offered to have the three of us go to dinner together. I declined that as well.
I calmly told her that it was my night to spend with D4. I have not seen much of her since the beginning of last week and was looking forward to spending some more time with her. I then told her, again calmly, that WW will call me that evening and I am going to read bedtime stories over the phone. WW asked me if I wanted to talk about what just happened. I repeated again that she will call me and I will tell D4 her bedtime stories. I then told her that I need to go, because I was on the verge of saying some truly awful things and needed to stop myself.
I broke down and cried for 40 minutes. The last bit of trust I had for my WW, the part where she said she would never take away D4 from me, is gone. There is no trust.
WW tried to reason with me and claimed that her head was full of so many things and lists. I told her that me seeing my D4 is not a list item. I dug deeper and told her that I never expected to sink to that level. I continued to twist the knife and told her that I never made such an awful mistake in my life. I made and acted out decisions that contributed to the end of my MR, but never ever made a choice, subconsciously or not, to have D4 part from WW. She tried to claim it was an accident. I was not having it. Accident or not, this act should NEVER happen.
There is no redemption anymore. She does not deserve me.
I paused on Day 4. I eventually had my date, but I was pursuing and I think I was being played with leading up to it. Back on the 30-day challenge by the end of this weekend.
You have helped guide me through a very dark and scary time in my life. It is well-documented and well-known of the perilous journey of my sitch and what twists and turns it took to have it coming out to an unexpected but positively life-changing conclusion. This story is not over yet, as we still need to navigate through the process of separation through the courts, ironing out custody, finances, and begin our lives as Exes. I don't need to express the immense amount of gratitude I will forever hold for all who have helped me get to this point.
By no means am I satisfied with where I am. And I have learned that there is always room for improvement and growth. Complacency has contributed towards the end of my R with my WW. And as I have stated before when I first joined here:
I do not intend on making the same mistakes again. I will make sure that when I finally get my second chance at love that I will make it the one that end happily ever after.
That being said, I am calling upon you all again, this time to help guide me through the process of socializing, dating, commitment and eventually marriage. I don't know if there are threads for this kind of request, but if there are please link them. I want to and intend on keeping my mistakes to a minimum.
Sandi, if you are reading this, you told me that if I were to start dating again, we should talk. (Link to post)
I am ready to start talking. I had a first date already but since then have backed off on the communication. I realized that I charged in hot and need to cool it considerably if I stand a chance. I want to make sure I have the tools and knowledge to have the best chance at succeeding.
R2C, I am going to continue to post status updates as often as I can on the RotG challenges. The goal of it was to get a date, which I did. But there is always room for improvement. And this is what this is all about now and for the rest of my life: Improvement.
I did it everyone. I am a man only a fool would leave.
R2C, I am going to continue to post status updates as often as I can on the RotG challenges. The goal of it was to get a date, which I did. But there is always room for improvement. And this is what this is all about now and for the rest of my life: Improvement.
I believe the important part of RotG is the full process and not the final goal. RotG is just a tool for you to question your belief system, make adjustments if needed.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
That being said, I am calling upon you all again, this time to help guide me through the process of socializing, dating, commitment and eventually marriage. I don't know if there are threads for this kind of request, but if there are please link them. I want to and intend on keeping my mistakes to a minimum.
One of the most important parts of the process is being happy alone. We do not get "alone time" very many times in our lives. Right now is your time for that.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I agree with R2C. Phoenix, I know I have been sounding like Debbie Downer on your thread about this part of it. You said you went in hot though so you must have recognized something, something I was trying to give you a heads up on.
I cant give advice on the dating scene or being social other than to be your great self, but I can talk to you about being alone and that it is okay to be alone. If we can be alone and be happy, we can share that with others. Break the codependency.
Don't worry about being Mr Perfect or doing everything right by the book. AMOAFWL , does he know what to do and not do? What happens if you are Mr Perfect to the wrong woman?
Enjoy allllll this freedom you have and all the choices that come along with it. Don't rush looking for something. Let them come to you because you are happy and your happiness gravitates them to you.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
