Still in limbo

[Living]

I believe it will be good if he "reclaims" his place in the MBR even if you say no. This is what we recommend here to the left behind spouses.

Did I read that right Ready2Change? You’re saying he should reclaim his place in the MBR even if I say no? Oh boy! Lol! That’s going to be a tough one. I don’t think he’s earned his right to the MBR, although it’s just as much his as it is mine.

You can test his resolve. As a woman, I am sure you know ways to do this. At the end of it, I hope both of you are in MBR.

Whew! I’ll need to think on this. Ha!

You also need a "path back" that is not easy for him. You should push him to say "What will it take!!" and then you respond: "You tell me"


You have words like these:

"I am not sure"
"I am liking my freedom"
"I need time to think about that"

Can you come up with more?

That’s good! I like that. Because I truly think he thinks it’s going to be easy.

I know it’s not right (so I hang my head in shame as I type this) but I want him to suffer. I want him to come home and be scared that it’s over. I want him to really feel like he’s finally lost me. I want him to feel the pain of that. Again, I know revenge isn’t right but man would it give me a temporary satisfaction. Lol!

[Ready2Change]

I want him to come home and be scared that it’s over. I want him to really feel like he’s finally lost me.

This is typically what we like to see. You should try getting more input from the piecing people. Definitely outline your story for them since they most likely not following.

[dillydaf]

I walked past my husband's car this morning (he was at the house picking up youngest) and I had a vision of myself taking my key out of my pocket and scraping it all along the side.

I didn't though. I'll call that a successful 180!

This is good! I’m glad we are confessing these things. We will never do them but it’s funny to confess them.

Here’s another one of mine. There is a certain laundry detergent that breaks my H out bad. I’ve thought about buying some and washing all his clothes in it. Ha!!!!

Lol, I'm loving these, thank goodness we are better than that.

[Living]

Journaling,

I have some great days lately (been working out and slowly dropping the pounds) and a few that weren’t so great.

H should return from his ‘guys gone wild’ trip tomorrow.

While he’s been away we have had very little contact with each other. A call here and a few text messages there. There were some days where he text messaged me and I waited hours to respond. I didn’t want him to think I was sitting around waiting for his call. Although, there were a couple of days where I didn’t hear anything from him at all. I will admit that I feel some kind of way about that. However, I know I can’t control his behavior...only mine.

I’ve been bitter also about the fact that I know very little about his trip. He’s shared minimal info. What I know is the guys he went with (he’s posted pics) and where he went. But I didn’t get hotel info or anything. That may sound controlling but in the past my H would never have taken a trip and not provided that info.

I know I know...my H isn’t the M that I married. I’m slowly swallowing that pill...even though I’m choking a bit. Lol.

I will admit that I’ve also been a little in my feelings about him taking a 2-week trip when our M is in duress. No worries I won’t tell him that I’m bitter about his trip. I know this is my safe place to share the good, band and in between. When he comes back I’m going to be walking around acting as if I’m happy as a lark.

Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

[LH19]

L,

I have been on guy trips and let me tell you they are over rated lol.

If he is true to his word and wants to work on the relationship you need to take it real slow and not let him back so easy. Especially into the MB.

I also think him continuing IC and MC is a must.

Congrats on the pounds, summer is right around the corner.

[Living]

L,

I have been on guy trips and let me tell you they are over rated lol.

If he is true to his word and wants to work on the relationship you need to take it real slow and not let him back so easy. Especially into the MB.

I also think him continuing IC and MC is a must.

Congrats on the pounds, summer is right around the corner.

LH19,

Lol, I’m sure they are over rated. And trust me when I say, he’s got to really show me he wants this M. I’m not going to rush him, but I definitely want to see evidence that he’s giving it a good effort.

I’m the meantime, I’m still working on me. I’m getting stronger everyday!

I’ve been reading a lot of advice from the vets on here in other people’s post. I’m learning that it truly is a marathon not a sprint.

We will see what happens...

[Ready2Change]

Hi Living,

I have recommended that hope2019 read your thread. She said she has. I strongly suggest that you read her thread and post your womanly advise to her.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...t&Number=2839041&nt=2&page=1

Regards,

R2C

[Living]

Hi Living,

I have recommended that hope2019 read your thread. She said she has. I strongly suggest that you read her thread and post your womanly advise to her.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...t&Number=2839041&nt=2&page=1

Regards,

R2C

Thank you R2C, I saw that yesterday. I’ve got a few things to handle this evening but I will be sure to give her some womanly advise as soon as I can. I did just read over her thread. Bless her heart. I hate that each of us that have landed on this forum have been hurt and betrayed. I’ll be sure to pay it forward and help her in anyway that I can. I’m no expert but I’m not where I was when I initially landed on this forum. Hugs to you R2C and thanks so much for all your help. Thanks everyone else who has helped with my sitch as well. I’m soooooo grateful for this forum!

[Living]

Journaling,

H is back safely from his guys trip. We sort of got into it before he left so he fully expected to come home to an angry Living. He expected to come home and for us to argue (which would normally happen).

But to his utter surprise he came home to a happy and calm Living. He didn’t even know how to handle it. He was shocked, he even told me that he was.

I acted as if our spat was no big deal, I acted as if him being gone for 2 weeks with minimal contact was no big deal.

So we talked a little and he told me how he was happy to be home and how much he missed me while he was away. He said he missed me so much. I just smiled.

He then asked me if I missed him. I answered by asking him did he think I missed him. He said no. I said why would you say that. He said because when I was gone all of our conversations were brief. He said one day I sent you a text and I never heard back from you. He said another day I sent you a text in the morning and I got a one word response at midnight. He said when we did speak it was as if you were busy and didn’t have time to talk to me. I asked what gave him that impression. He said ugh-how about the way you rushed me off the phone. He then says, at the end of one of our conversations I told you I loved you and your response was “ok, bye, talk to you later.”

Later in the day he went on and on about his trip. It’s funny because before he left, he didn’t tell me much about the trip. However when he got home he was singing like a canary. Part of me wanted to say...oh now you want to tell me all about your trip...f-off.

But the new and improved me...just listened to him ramble about his trip. I smiled, nodded, said that’s cool, and just listened. Once he was finished talking, I told him that his trip sounded amazing and that I’m glad he had a great time and glad he made it back safely.

I’ve been walking around singing and dancing and just being happy. He doesn’t really know how to take it. He keeps telling me that something is different about me and that he’s confused. I coyly laugh and say “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Lol. Bless his heart.

I did some other things that I won’t share here. But the important thing is that the DB techniques work.

Also some of you vets have talked about how the LBS changes during this process and you’re absolutely right. I’m learning to control my actions, leading to guard my words. I’m still a work in progress but thank God I’m not the same woman that logged on here for the first time months ago. I’ve grown and he’s right something is different about me. I’m LIVING!

I’m not sure what’s going to happen with us. However, what I can say is that whatever happens, I’m going to be just fine! I’ve been doing the necessary work on me. I’ve completed my 180’s and I’ve been consistent at them. I’m so proud of the progress that I’ve made.

I’m working on me. I’m working on being the best version of myself that I can. I’m going to show him a woman he would be a fool to walk away from. And if this M comes to an end, I’m proud that I will be able to say...I did ALL that I could have done!

[Adam04]

Hi Living, that’s a wonderful update. Wonderful PMA! The journaling shows how your DB piqued his interest, it shows your control of emotions, validation and listening, and your confidence. ((()))

Keep it going, you’re doing well!