I'm new so I apologize if I missed it somewhere, but my H likes to move back into the bedroom when the grown kids come and visit. Does anyone have any advice about that? I wondered if I should have told him to stay in the guest room, but like you, didn't want that to be the hill I die on. Also, we have a trip planned to visit family, and he wants to share a room. I don't get any ideas that this is headed anywhere, we have traveled a lot since BD, and always share a bed, and sometimes he talks about R in positive ways, but I play it cool and don't let it give me hope. I stay on my island. Reality. It's safer here. TIA!
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Show her a confident man that does not want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with him. Set her free to get her back. This is counter intuitive.
Somehow, you have to surprise her (in a positive way) every time you are interacting. She thinks she knows you. It is critical that you prove her wrong. These are the 180's.
Only you can figure this out. Take ideas from here and implement.
Are you an Alpha Male? Do you have Alpha traits? She needs to see these in you.
My understanding is she is not in an affair. Based on this, Next time she initiates sex, please don't turn her down. Take charge and do new things. If she expects it to be short. Make it last longer. If you are usually quiet, do some dirty talking. If she normally has on orgasm, give her three. These are just examples just to get you thinking of things to try.
I wish you well.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
mikeyb...one thing to be mindful of on the legal paperwork topic.
Most WW's have NO IDEA about the divorce paperwork process. Immediately after BD you'll be rocked and might buy any crap she tells you. Bottom line, you have more rights and power than you know in the process. Don't sign or put anything into writing unless/until you have had your own legal counsel take a look. Once the WW realizes how involved the "paperwork" actually is...the dynamic of that aspect of your sitch will change.
That's just it though, I'm not trying to block her and I already told her I won't. But the way she is trying to file requires that both of us file together, fill the papers out together and be in complete agreement on everything. Including that the marriage can't be saved. I've already told her I will not participate in the filing so I don't even know why she would try to come to me this way.
Because it probably makes the most sense financially. Look, I know this is tough but you can't bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away, it won't. So face it head on. You've made it clear that you don't want D, she knows it and understands it. But she's proceeding anyway. Please understand the following- YOU CANNOT STOP THE D THROUGH INACTION. Your inaction will only make things more difficult on YOU. You have got to protect yourself, and that means sitting down with her and working out the details of D no matter how painful it is. So do it.
Originally Posted by mikeyb
And that she is going to move out because I need reality to set in.
Are both of your names on the lease? If so then she can't just move out and quit paying, she is financially obligated to cover half the rent. A lease is considered marital property. You might want to tell her that.
Quote
My response was do whatever it is you feel necessary. Then she said that she will get the other paperwork and for me to just not show up for the court date.
No she has to fill out the paperwork and have you served. Then you have a certain amount of time (depending on the state) to review the paperwork and file a response, or to agree to it. You need to read up on this ASAP. You should really talk to a L but it sounds like you can't afford one. D is coming your way and you need to be prepared and understand your rights.
Quote
Also, I had agreed to pay her taxes. I was going to file them earlier this week, I told her that I will do it and I just need to get her mom to send me the money for it and it would be done, she said well obviously. So I got to the point of paying it and called the MIL in which she refused to send me the money (my money BTW) to do it because the W just sold the boat and had the cash (that she wouldn't give to me for this). So I said whatever then she needs to deal with you on it then. Come today, apparently the MIL told the W that I was trying to con her out of $317, and the W believed it even though I had just told her I needed her mom to send it to me to take care of the taxes.
Was the boat marital property? If so then half the proceeds from the sale are yours. Regarding the taxes, everything has changed now that your W has put you on notice that she's divorcing you so it's time to protect yourself financially. Let her be responsible for her taxes.
Quote
Not really sure what to do right now. I could move my deposits back to my account but then she will try to say I'm being sneaky. I could leave it as is and not have anything if she picked up and left.
Move it and then tell her you did it to protect yourself financially since her and her mom are playing games with the finances, that's not being sneaky.
I'm new so I apologize if I missed it somewhere, but my H likes to move back into the bedroom when the grown kids come and visit. Does anyone have any advice about that? I wondered if I should have told him to stay in the guest room, but like you, didn't want that to be the hill I die on. Also, we have a trip planned to visit family, and he wants to share a room. I don't get any ideas that this is headed anywhere, we have traveled a lot since BD, and always share a bed, and sometimes he talks about R in positive ways, but I play it cool and don't let it give me hope. I stay on my island. Reality. It's safer here. TIA!
Hello and welcome, we encourage people to keep convos about their situation in their own thread as it's easier to track and respond. I will copy this over to your thread and respond to it there.
Please start a new thread and link your two threads together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
