WAW says... part 2

[Jamine]

Continue my 180s, going to workout after work, I'll probably take my dog out someone fun after that. I'll have to spend some time at home to do laundry and pack for my trip, but plan to be out the rest of the time.

If/when I interact with her I'll only validate, will not try to argue or convince, and will keep my answers short and to the point. I'll be the one to end every interaction, and I will not inquire about her or her goings on at all. I'm standing tall, and feeling confident. I actually feel good about myself, for real right now, so I don't have to put on a show here.

MBR is mine, that's already been established, and I won't allow her any physical connection whatsoever - she will try to touch me, hug, etc. but that is not happening anymore. She'll likely offer to drive me to the airport Thursday morning, but I call an Uber instead.

Anything I'm missing?

[Ready2Change]

Sounds like you have a plan. Enjoy your dog. Enjoy your night.

[Jamine]

Busy night so far, mowed the lawn, got in a great workout, then saw W at home. She said she was sorry for cheating on me, sorry for hurting me, I just validated, but did not forgive. She asked for a hug and I said no. Then left for her girlfriend's house (where she stayed last night). That was really really hard to do, I'm craving physical contact, but she doesn't deserve my comfort.

Going to take the dog out and then pack for my trip. Lots to do tomorrow...

[IHCLACS]

I know it hurts but be strong and you're doing the right thing. Don't give them anything unless full repentance and Reconciliation

[AnotherStander]

Busy night so far, mowed the lawn, got in a great workout, then saw W at home. She said she was sorry for cheating on me, sorry for hurting me, I just validated, but did not forgive. She asked for a hug and I said no. Then left for her girlfriend's house (where she stayed last night). That was really really hard to do, I'm craving physical contact, but she doesn't deserve my comfort.

Well it's your choice but a hug isn't going to be the end of the world. Personally whenever XW asked for a hug I liked to flip the script on her and give her either the side-arm hug or the slap-on-the-back hug like you would do an aunt or uncle or something. Those were the kind of hugs she gave me after BD so turnabout is fair play

Now that years have gone by we do hug now and then and it's more of a normal hug. It feels weird to hug the kids in front of her but not her, so I'll usually hug her as well.

[Jamine]

Quick question - so W was very insistent that she take me to the airport tomorrow. After thinking about it, it makes sense for me. I don't really want to have to potentially wait for an Uber at 4:30 in the morning.

This is okay, right? I don't think accepting her help will really affect my DBing...might give me a chance to validate in the car.

[Ready2Change]

Go for it.

[Jamine]

So, I made it across the ocean and to my friend's place. The country I'm in is incredibly beautiful and completely foreign to me...I love it. 25 hours of travel was very difficult in my current, somewhat emotional state, but as soon as I stepped off my final plane I felt a sense of relief.

This is only my third day here, and I've already experienced so much. I have barely been thinking about W. She wanted me to tell her when I arrived safely, and I did. I've not even considered reaching out since then, where previously I'd be thinking about reaching out nearly every waking moment.

I can't believe I considered cancelling this trip. I know that I'm distracted, but I can finally see a real light at the end of the tunnel. Detachment seems like a genuine possibility - I'm almost scared that I'll stop wanting to R if I continue this way. I think this is a good thing.

[AnotherStander]

That's awesome J, enjoy your time there!

[Jamine]

Hey, so I got back home from my SE Asia trip. Had an amazing vacation, and incredible time that I wouldn't trade for the world. Unfortunately, it was an escape, and I was not ready for reality coming back home.

Since I've been back, W has been staying at a friends house. She's been by the house to do some gardening, and came by tonight to "discuss logistics"...it did not go well.

It started out very nice, I was making a big salad and offered some. She accepted, and we sat in the living room and talked about our last 2.5 weeks. Then we went over the settlement agreement that she brought, which I largely agree to, and that went amicably.

Things then took a turn for the worse, and she went back to her "ultimatum", that I have to be out of the house by June 1st, which I've rejected every time she's mentioned it (she's tried telling me this for 1.5 months, I've never agreed). As soon as I told her that I would be living in the house and would not agree, she started getting angry. After I wouldn't budge, she went off the rails. Told me I'm just going to make her resent me, yelled at me, and I remained calm throughout. She then stormed out of the house, saying she just wouldn't talk to me if I was going to act like this.

I didn't get upset, didn't yell, the only somewhat confrontational thing I said was "we were having a nice civil conversation, do you have to do this?". She slammed the door, and drove off angry. Immediately afterwards, I received two text messages from her that I have yet to respond to. I'll copy those here:

"You are being completely unreasonable. You need to move out by the end of May. Please review and enter the correct numbers on the separation agreement. I need it by this weekend. You will need to move into your own place to continue focusing on your career and mental health."
"We ARE NOT co-existing in that house. You were gone 6 weeks, I will have been out of the house for 8. You need to be out of the house by June 1."

First of all, she'll have been out of the house for 5 weeks, by her own choice. She comes back whenever she wants. I've never encouraged her to leave the house. I'm trying to craft a response to this...

"I'm happy to review and add the numbers on the separation agreement by this weekend. I understand that you're upset that I won't leave the house, but this is not your choice. I've made no effort to control your actions during this process, and I'd appreciate if you'd stop trying to control mine. Your time away from the house has been completely voluntary, and you return at will; I've never asked you to leave or stay away. You are welcome here, but I cannot sacrifice my happiness and career objectives to please you."

Opinions? Is this too much justification?