I did it without complaining or muttering. Today is a day I do not see my kids and it is hard. I miss them all. Quick question, do I call to say goodnight to kids or do I go over and say goodnight? I am only 2 miles away. Only reason I ask I don’t want my w to think I am going over there to see her.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Tell me what what you all think. So my son does hip hop competitions. Today I asked my w what time my son’s Dre’s rehearsal was, she said 7:30. When I got there tonight w was sitting in the dance studio and when I got I. The doorway she said hi and I said hi. Then I sat about 5 feet away over by my daughter. We just watched his rehearsal for half an hour. Afterwards we walked out together and I said I will be by to say goodnight to the kids, I just have to go to the store first. After 20 minutes she text me if I was coming so. THey are going to bed. I got there and said good night to my kids and then left, I said a quick bye to w on my way out. I went into the garage the get a funnel, I had to put some oil in my car. So I put oil in the car and left. Then I get a text from w what took me so long to pull away? I said checking the car. She said everything ok? I gave a thumbs up.👍 Then she said glad I asked. You know what I won’t ask anymore. This is one of the reasons our marriage fell apart... I can’t deal with the constant mood swings. Just know that I’m trying to put my anger aside to be able to coparent our kids as best as I can but you are making this very hard. But it’s NEVER mattered what I think or how I feel anyway. Ok so apparently NOW that I text you don’t want to talk but when you were texting ME.... you would get upset if I didn’t respond right away... see an issue at all? This was one text after another. Then she called me that she can’t take my mood swings that I have a mood disorder. I said why donyou think that? She said that I didn’t talk to her at dance. I said I said hello. She said no you didn’t, I said I absolutely did, did you not hear me, she said yeah but I said it first. I said ok but I did say hello. She said then before I saw you in her car texting. I said you did? Because i was putting oil in my car. She said I saw you on the phone, I said yeah to look what time it was. Then she said it’s not like I was watching you. Hmmm she said I can’t deal with your mood swings and she said everyone has said they have seen my mood swings. I said I am sorry if you feel that way. Then she asked if I was picking up the kids tomorrow and I said yes. So, let me ask all of you, is my non pursuit getting to her? Is that why she is saying all these things. Is this a temp check? Please help because she keeps texting me. I am not responding right away and I think it’s driving her nuts.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Almost sounds like "gas lighting" to me. Apparantly I have a "mood disorder" and a "different incompatible perception and personality" to my W too. The silence for the last 6 months has been killing me. But at least W hasn't been complaining that "she feels like she's walking on eggshells" around me, but it still comes up on the list of her many things she doesn't like about me.
I'm ready to give up. Give up on Hope, give up on DB, if I even understood what it really was in the first place, and give up on trying because nothing works. The cards are just going to fall where they fall, and people are going to think how they think and what they think.
Wolf, pretty sure we've gone over this before, but again, NOTHING YOU DO RIGHT NOW IS GOING TO BE ANYTHING BUT CRAP TO HER. Read that. Understand it. Burn it into your mind. Her perception of you right now is this: you are lower than dirt to her. She doesn't like you and may even hate you. You are responsible for every bad thing in her life, ever. Heck it's probably your fault that a bully stole her lunch money in the 3rd grade. Right now you are coming here every time you interact with her and basically saying "I'm DB'ing and she's still being mean, why isn't it working?" It isn't working because the results aren't instant. The results take TIME. A lot of it. It rarely has immediate impact.
So what do you do? You give her zero ammo to hate you. You do that by pulling back and leaving her alone, but doing it in a polite, respectful, loving way. Don't be cold and indifferent. You walked in and sat elsewhere and didn't say anything to her until she said hi to you. That's not giving her space, that's being cold and indifferent. Sit next to her, it won't kill you. You are still coparents. Sure if she has some OM there then sit elsewhere. But if she's alone then sit with her. Do you want S and D seeing parents united in support of them or sitting on opposite sides of the room like something out of War of the Roses?
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Afterwards we walked out together and I said I will be by to say goodnight to the kids, I just have to go to the store first.
If you want to see the kids, ASK her if it's ok to come by, don't TELL her. It's HER house now, you need to respect that. You left, that's part of it. You can't come and go as you please anymore (which is another reason we always say not to leave). Don't go to the store first, go by there and THEN go by the store. It's disrespectful to tell her you're coming by when it suits you and then just take your time about it. It's also disrespectful to linger in the driveway. If you need an oil funnel then ask her before you walk out if she would mind if you grab it out of the garage. Again, be respectful at all times even if she isn't.
