Attracting the WW back ?

[gzabetas]

I am hoping someone will read this new post on my thread here and offer any ideas / insight on how I may proceed.

Even though I originally wanted to save my marriage I now want to burn it to the ground. I am done.
My psychologist told me 4 months was a good run btw on my efforts of being upbeat , detaching.

But my new discoveries on her diary has thrown me into shock. There are horrid details of her making the moves on this guy and their truly sickening positions. Maybe married couples who know each other for years might venture into these positions and even then it would be out there stuff.
I cant get this out of my head.
She has found a house and is moving out - with our son - so these are the last days we spend time together.

She acts all saintly, and I have not told her what I know. In the past she had told me of 5% chance of us in the future.

I want to tell her when I last see her (even though as parents we will always talk due to kid) that there is not one in a million chance that we will ever rekindle. Should I? I can sense the answers coming that it wouldnt be necessary.
Thats what I would answer to another forum member. Leaving is enough I think.
But as I am in this one I would love a fresh perspective take on his.

[JB42]

This is why everyone says not to snoop unless you're looking for a specific piece of intel.

As for the "sickening positions" - are you referring to sexual positions? If so, does that information matter? Either you're willing to forgive cheating or not. There is a lot of judgement in your statement, not saying I don't feel for you because I do (nobody should have to hear about the specifics of the wayward spouse with their AP), but you may want to reflect and see if being judgmental could be a 180 for you.

I've seen a couple strategies on here about confronting a cheating partner, may want to look into those.

Take all of this negative energy and turn it into something positive. Best of luck.

[Twofeet]

If you are not going to stand and you want to move on then just do it. Don't tell her what you know, don't rip into her, don't bring yourself down to her level. If any of the information you have can help your legal case ie custody, then save it for the lawyer. If you want to "burn it down" this is the proper way to do it.

2 things...... Actions speak louder than words and never wrestle with a pig, because you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

[neffer]

I´ve been following your sitch Gzabetas. I´m sorry I didn´t chime in earlier. It´s the end of the summer where I live so I still have a lot of work.

Is like JB says Gzabetas. You are not done with W, you know that, you are infuriated with her. But there´s not a magic bullet to make her see what you want. You need to change all that negative feelings into positive ones. They´ll help you out of your sitch.

Don´t need to snoop anymore, you´ll not find anything new. Keep working on yourself. GAL, detach, no expectations. Start enjoying your life. You need to be there for your son.

Let W free. Free yourself. You need to respect yourself so as to get the respect from others. You need to get into amoafwl. Not for W but for your S and yourself.

Stand strong there man.

[Ready2Change]

But my new discoveries on her diary has thrown me into shock. There are horrid details of her making the moves on this guy and their truly sickening positions. Maybe married couples who know each other for years might venture into these positions and even then it would be out there stuff.

Never reveal your sources of Intel. Never reveal what you know. Just reveal that you DO KNOW.

These are the words you use with her:
H:"STOP. We both know you are lying. If you tell me the truth I will listen."

Keep working on your personal growth. What you have found should firm up your resolve to stay on your path to become the man you were meant to be.

You are fighting a battle in your own head. Challenge your belief system.

These are my internal beliefs:
"I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me"
"I do not share my woman with other men"

Set her free. Forgive her. Become happy without her. Do not let someone else control your happiness. It is a do it yourself job. You can handle this.

I wish you well.

[SteveLW]

But my new discoveries on her diary has thrown me into shock. There are horrid details of her making the moves on this guy and their truly sickening positions. Maybe married couples who know each other for years might venture into these positions and even then it would be out there stuff.
I cant get this out of my head.

This is why snooping is a bad idea. Even after you separate, and D. And move on with someone else, knowing these things will haunt you. Stay in IC. Work through this stuff, otherwise you will carry this baggage into your next relationship.

One last question, to make sure you are really done. Hypothetical: what if this wasn't an affair? What if this was a diary from when she was dating an ex-bf, and you read the same things? Would your attitude and perspective be different? I fear you are reacting to this emotionally, and when that subsides, and you are D'd, you will look back and think you could have forgiven her and moved forward if she was willing to recommit. Once you burn it to the ground it is burnt to the ground.

[Ready2Change]

their truly sickening positions.

Even here, you need to challenge your beliefs.

Each of us are different. We all have different needs. One of the hardest things to do is step outside and look into your own sitch.

Look at your own sitch like all three people (You, W and OM) are complete strangers to you. Each one has their own story. Understand each persons story. This is detachment. What needs are being met by OM? Are you capable of meeting these needs? Why is W attracted to OM? Why has she lost attraction for you? This is the growth that you need to go through. It is the hardest yet most rewarding thing you will do.

[gzabetas]

JB42 thanks, yes referring to sexual positions

I think the details would explain why it matters. She was displaying signs of depression when I was driving her to the gym for 2 years. I would go out of my way to drop her off, take the kid to school, go back when she was done and pick her up.
I was her driving service when she was getting laid (putting it mildly). I would wait downstairs drinking coffee like a proud father waiting for his daughter to finish her classes. Can you begin to understand my rage.

Twofeet, thanks. very well put.

Neffer, thanks for reading my sitch. Yup infuriated is what I feel. And I am still in shock. Thanks for your tips.

I only told my sister, I had to share with someone, and she got a rash on her neck from the stress of it all.
My sister would do her hair and they would laugh. Both of us are sick to our stomach.
My dad offered me Xanax yesterday, I almost took it. I chain smoke mostly and hurt my throat as I am up all night.

Ready2Change I love your quote "never reveal sources of intel". I am so glad I havent given in to temptation.
And everything else you wrote so true as well. The data provided me with the extra kick to more forward.


Steve85 I always thought it was a bad idea. But if I may offer a 180 on that even.
I am so glad I gathered the intel. It makes all the difference. The devil is in the details. Trust me, in my case it is.
You make an excellent point about time working on my perspective in the future, but even if it was in her past I would stlil be appalled. What she did with this man is beyond my boundaries, way beyond.
I know anything is fair in love and war. But this is different.
I wish I could describe what I found. I would get banned as it is too hard.
Think of the categories in sex sites that you dont even dare click to watch. Where you hide your eyes.
And then add to that even.
WHo the hell was I with all these years?
I am no mormon in bed, but when did the freak show stuff become first encounters. I mean where do you build from there when you already went to the far side.

Ready2Change, you are right. I understand that my wife wasnt getting her needs met from me.
But she was a 19 year old virgin when we met and I was always a gentleman with her and took it slow.
I could never push her into those fantasies. I felt so protective of her.



My poor son, looking up to her as his angel, doesnt know that in a few days I will not be a part of his life (only every other weekend in Greek law - mother is never at fault rule) anymore. Because his mother wanted to taste some strange.
I was beginning to teach him guitar and bicycle and English (he only speaks Greek now) and computers.
She will work and throw him in some day care... And I will move back to the States to forget it all. Its too painful.
Will return when the kid can understand more.

[gzabetas]

So just when I think I got it together this whole thing finds new ways to hurt. Its not over yet as it seems.

Today the wife told me we needed to have the talk with our 4 year old son than mommy and daddy wont be together again. It was more painful than BD. Dont know how others dealt with it.

I have detached my ass off, but now its my son. How the hell do I wrap my head around that.

Since December 2018

1. First I had the shock of her Divorce bomb dropping me.

2. Then meeting with her lawyer getting any ideas out of my head that we had a chance.

3. Then her dropping all blame on me. The monster she described (which was never true). Me taking ownership and guilt for that too.

4. Then finding out she had an EA. With phone sex she admitted to.

5. Then finding out from her that is been going on for years.

6. Then finding it was a PA with possible different men. Diary entries show alot of sick sex.

7. Then finding out I will pay a huge amount of money for the kids raising under her new home. I am unemployed but in Greek law I go to jail if I miss a payment. Have no idea how to secure those funds each month.

8. Then I find out I can only see him every other weekend. 4 days a month maybe. (greek medieval law)

9. Just when I thought I may get an ounce of sleep some day, i had to see my son hitting her mouth when he was being told what our divorce entails.

Its like the "gift" that keeps on giving/

When will this terror end.........

[LH19]

In about a year with time and space you will realize your value and you will realize you deserve better and you realize you can still have a great life if you choose to.

I am really sorry about the laws in your country. They are medieval.