Attracting the WW back ?

[FlySolo]

Hi G

I too am sorry. I do not know much about the laws in Greece, but, whilst I can see them wanting you to support your children, I cannot see that they expect you to pay more than you an afford otherwise there would be a ton of ex husbands jail. They can't expect you to pay more than you have ... the maths simply don't work. It cannot be in the state's interest that a man who cannot afford to pay what his wife demands is in jail, because quite simple, he is not only still not paying his wife the support she demands, but the state is also paying to house him in prison.

You mention meeting with her lawyers, but have you seen your own lawyers to confirm. If not, then do so immediately.

My second suggestion is to stop worrying about whether she is having sex with others and whether it is sick or not. If she is having an affair, she will continue to have an affair, emotional or otherwise. the types, positions etc shouldn't matter. You are only torturing yourself.

The terror ends when you stop seeing it as terror. Get up and find out what you can and can't control. You can only see your son for 4 days a week, them make those four days the best four days possible. Use every other day the to work on you.

Sort out your finances, look for a job, start running, go swimming in the local public pool, join a walking club, do anything but sit at home and ponder "what positions she might be having sex in".

[gzabetas]

LH19 and FlySolo thanks for your replies and tips. God Bless!!

I will re-read them when I lose faith.

As logical and reasonable as one may be, when emotions are so peaked its tough to see the course to follow.

thanks

[neffer]

That’s why detaching is so important when DB. It’s easy to say, I know, but you need to keep it as a first goal. Detach, no expectations.

Be strong there G

[gzabetas]

I continue to read other peoples's posts, new and old as my own situation develops.

What is really sinking in with these WW, WAW, MLC, whatever you wish to call them is the audacity of their actions.

Most of us here had some negative traits, mostly neglecting the spouse, trapped in work, not displaying the love we truly carried for them inside etc.

But for crying out loud, what they are doing is extremely out of proportion.

I am still helping my wife drive in the final nail into me as a way to speed things up. Getting her new apartment, Utilities etc. She will be taking care of my son, and I need to make sure they will have electricity, an oven, a washer. I need to safe proof the balcony for the kid (add a fence).
And then, when I am gone, her affair person can walk in and do their sweet lovemaking I asssume. I still dont know who he is.

She reminds of Paulie from Goodfellas.

"You dont have money, FU pay me" (her alimony, while I am unemployed)

"You want to see your kid. FU I am taking full custody" (hurting both the kid and me)

"You are right in front of me, FU I am taking a call from the OM and giggling"


So, who really wants this person back in their life. And why do we keep trying to give them a pardon.
Childhood trauma is a given, but many people like my dad were orphans and raised on the street and became great parents and society members, with honor and values.

We keep talking about their behavior like a condition, as if its a sickness.
What if they are truly SOBs, I mean behind that sweet face and talking may lie a psycho who has been in hiding all along.

And I mention this because I read of other spouses displaying this selfish, non-empathizing behaviour.


I really like DnJs description of their personality being a ticking time bomb that was waiting in hiding and exploded in our face.

Anyone's thoughts would truly be appreciated.

[LH19]

G,

Everything you speak of is true right now but there is a universal law called karma and this law is the same as gravity. There will be consequences for you W in the future, we just don’t know what they are right now.

[IHCLACS]

Funny you mention Goodfellas. All day long I've had the scene where Paulie confronts Henry about having a affair. "Whatdaya you gonna do? Your not going to get a divorce? I mean she is wild... Smarten up.!! You gotta go home to the family!"

I've been meaning to read a book called "The Selfish Gene" for years.Wonder if it would provide some insight?
They are in rebellion zebetas. All the things in their distorted view that they thought we did selfishly, but never said anything until the day they got tired of us, and decided to discard. That's the trouble with women, they expect us to intuitively know, men reading women, you have to pay attention more torwards how something is being said, including what is being said. Read between the lines.

Let em go, let em grow, let em live, let them destroy their lives. No more indecisiveness when it comes to my heart, my money, my goals, and my sacrifice and time. I'm not going to lose myself, my home, and my shirt over a woman ever again. And for the good women out there I hope you survive and thrive. Just as long as the children are taken care of.

[AnotherStander]

What is really sinking in with these WW, WAW, MLC, whatever you wish to call them is the audacity of their actions.

If you've ever read posts on other forums by WAW's, it really helps you to realize there are two sides to every story. A lot of women will talk about how absent their H was from the marriage. When we court women we spend a LOT of time with them. If we're not at work then we're with them, or talking to them on the phone, or texting them. They get our undivided attention. We nurture them, support them, fulfill them emotionally, talk about hopes and dreams and the future. Eventually we get married and that's when most men get lazy. She's "in the bag" so there's no longer a need to focus so much attention on her. So we get wrapped up in work, hobbies, kid stuff. We forget her birthday or the anniversary. We barely talk to them. We complain to them instead of talking about hopes and dreams. And we think it's no big deal because "she's my wife, she understands."

Here's the thing, men don't need all that emotional support nonsense, right? Just sex now and then gets the job done. BUT WOMEN DO NEED IT. They need it a LOT, and if they don't get it from us then they WILL eventually seek it out elsewhere. But before that they will start dropping hints. They would tell us, but most of us are so quick to anger that they are afraid to. So they hint instead. We don't take hints very well, we need 2x4's. But they're scared to do that. So they hint and hint and hint and nothing changes. Then they decide to give up and plan their escape. THAT's when we finally get the 2x4 called BD. But by then it's too late to fix all the wrongs that led to their decision.

I hear a lot of language like yours here- "audacity". How dare she do this, destroy the marriage, destroy the family. How can she be such an evil monster. But most WAS's would use the exact same language about their LBS. How dare they mislead me like this, first focus all their energy on me until we get married and then all but abandon me.

Her "truth" is very real and honest and accurate to her just as yours is to you. But here's the trick, you have to set your version aside and try to understand HER truth. If you can be honest with yourself about what YOU did to lead her to this point, THEN you can go on your path of growth.

[harvey]

G,

Everything you speak of is true right now but there is a universal law called karma and this law is the same as gravity. There will be consequences for you W in the future, we just don’t know what they are right now.

I'm still at the stage where at times I hope the karma thing is true. Then again, if she ends up being happy because of this, then maybe she made the right decision. She must have been hurting (whether most people would think there is much validity to her feelings or not) to walk away from a 17 relationship, break up our family, leave behind our dream house in a great location. I'm out of the fog, so I realize that many women would think I'm a good husband (especially after talking to several divorced women). However, maybe I'm not the right husband for my ex-wife.

AS makes good points. Unfortunately, we don't learn the lesson until our wives drop the bomb. A lot of us will make good husbands in the future, if we learn from this.

[gzabetas]

thanks to all the replies. all wise replies.

I dont disagree with their POV. But its not like we were coming home drunk beating them, hiding affairs etc.

We all simply neglected them in the heat of battle. Our common IC had told us to spend more time together, so we would watch films together and every morning we would go out for cofee and share life talks.
She saw me as her gay friend at some point, (and I am not using it in a sexist way, she used those words exactly to describe me herself in the end)
I dont think I was lacking in time spent with her. Honestly I took a good look at all the details of our past.

It was one year of my studying for my CCNA cert. Thats where I lost her. For crying out loud.

[gzabetas]

LH19 and Harvey I hope there is karma. I really do.

IHCLACS I think I share your frame of mind mostly these days.

AnotherStander I really appreciate your imput, and it was my take for a long time. But it feels I am blue in the face from analyzing my specs of dirt on my side of the yard, compared to loads of manure on her side.

I really feel like they brought a canon to target a mosquito.