Midlife wife crisis5

[Ready2Change]

Hi wolf,

I still feel like I am listening to bunch of high school virgins talking about how good they are in bed.


Santa is not real. Spouses cheat. So what?



Why are you so focused on this woman? Why are you not focused on yourself and your kids?


Why do you want to rush anything?


How do you get your MOJO back without sleeping with every woman that lets you?


How do you seduce your wife back?

This is a big onion with lot's of layers. Keep pealing back the layers.

[IHCLACS]

Do you want to be married to someone who understands two POV? Or just one?.. THEY RE OWN!!

Yup sounds like pride to me!!! We are all guilty of it too. Just takes time to really realize when we have our humility moments, and whom we are dealing with, how stubborn that person is with their pride. Do you want to be married to that? No humility? No compromise, no willing to be wrong whrn someone points an error out?

[Wolfman]

R2C your question about how do I seduce her back? I believe it is by being happy around her all the time, other than that I don’t know. I know how to put moves on a woman but this is a different situation. DB stresses being detached and not pursuing. I know what to say to women and how to make hem feel sexy, but isn’t that pursue now for my w. I am good with the kids I make sure we are always having a good time anytime she is around.

IH you make it sound like I should end it. Is that what you are stressing? Isn’t that against what is stressed here?

[IHCLACS]

I'm not stressing D for you Wolf. According to your post though, you made it sound like your wife would rather save face to her friends, and not turn back, than humble herself before her husband and family out of stubborn pride. Just to save face.

I'm just a newbie here just like you who has a lot of provocative thoughts about what most of us value and what we can do better to improve our thought process and situation in life.

Not me, not an IC, but you and you alone can only make that decision. Of course you know you're W better than anyone else (Or so you think?) Everyone has their pros and cons and goods and bad points. I just figured with your wife stubborn pride being a sticking point for you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone that never admits when they're wrong? Just a thought that's all.

[Ready2Change]

R2C your question about how do I seduce her back? I believe it is by being happy around her all the time, other than that I don’t know.

That is why I proposed the question. It is much more than that. Projecting happy is just a small part.

I know how to put moves on a woman but this is a different situation.

Yes much different. Whole different ballgame. Can you turn her on (indirectly) and make her pursue you?

DB stresses being detached and not pursuing.

I believe seduction is much different than pursing.

I know what to say to women and how to make them feel sexy

It is more about how to make her attracted to you. She knows you better than anyone on the planet. During this period of your personal growth, you need to make her question everything she thinks she knows about you.

Wolfy doesn't dress nice...Wait a minute? He is wearing new stylish clothes...
Wolfy doesn't take care of his body...Wait a minute, he has bigger muscles now....HUMM


Wolfy is boring.
Wolfie doesn't listen
Wolfie doesn't stand up to me
Wolfy this Wolfy that bla bla bla bla

I am just making those things up. You know the real beliefs W has.

[IHCLACS]

R2C. I think I see where this is going now finally. I've been studying attraction for 20 years. My thing is though is I always knew how to get them but not keep them. I think I understand where Wolfie and you are coming from with this. Out of all the stuff I have read on a attraction as of lately. I've read all that stuff like The Game by Strauss, Robert Greene, etc years ago. I need to revisit it.

The second part is what I couldn't understand or get, is how do I apply to this situation like mine or Wolfie's, when somebody knows you from the inside out for several years. That's when it hit me just now, and I figure it out the dynamics of why you have to have them think differently about you. Because that is the excitement and the dynamics of when someone first meets you, like a first date. So if you are perceived as new, changing, mysterious, exciting, etc, it's almost like learning about a new person. If you aren't attracting them back, then either they have moved on or you are not changing.

I have these little blips of moments in my thoughts as of recently where I'm starting to see the whole DB process in synopsis, steps, processes and checkpoints. I think I'm starting to see the forest for the trees.

Step 1 is to accept the current reality. Make goals, changes, adapt, and conscientiously stick to them.
Step 2 is to detach and GAL to boost happiness, purpose, self esteem, etc.
Step 3 is to set boundaries to regain self respect, trust, intuition, confidence, etc.
Step 4 is to develop independence and eliminate codependency and control.
Step 5 is to redevelop your wants and needs.
Step 6 (If applicable.) Is to put yourself and your children first.
Step 7 is to allow time and space to heal.

Step 8 only comes, and revolves around attraction, once respect and trust is re-established if it ever is? Only then can you proceed to re attract, conscientiously and willingly.

Am I on to something or did I leave something out?

[Wolfman]

IH it’s amazing how I lost myself during this d. She is all about pride and you are right why would I want to be with someone like that? I don’t know, I guess because we built a life together, I don’t believe in d, we have been together for 19 years. I definitely deserve better. It looks like she is moving forward anyway. She emailed the mediator lawyer about getting the paperwork. Just when I thought maybe she was reconsidering. It really has brought me down today. Sorry LH for complaining. Everyone is different and this has really taken a toll on me. I want to so bad to say something to her about not doing this or reconsider but I won’t. Sometimes I feel like DB is more like preparing for d than saving a marriage. Sorry struggling. I felt like I was detaching and feeling better then I get hit with this and it brings me down. So I guess I was only fooling myself that I was getting detached. I want to reattract her but she is so stubborn nothing works on this woman. I have been very happy around her, dressing really nice, going to the gym and GAL. But she only remembers the mistakes I made. I want better and I deserve better. I wish I could have been a success story on here. But having the w I have I don’t think even MWD could have changed the situation around.

[LH19]

W,

How do you know you that you won’t be a success story? This is one chapter in a book of many. You have the power to make it a success story.

Unfortunately it takes more then dressing nice and going to the gym when you get to this point.

It’s ok to come here to vent sometimes. It’s just unproductive if that’s all that you do.

You will be fine one way another I promise you. It just takes time.

[Wolfman]

LH we are in the home stretch here. Picking up d paperwork is not a good sign. So much of me wants to text her ant talk her about this but I won’t. I feel like I have been trying a lot of what you guys have said. I feel like it honestly was drawn us apart more.
IH I like your stages I read that a few times. I guess the part I want to know more about is how to re attract her. She has noticed some things but it’s not enough. I guess one of the hardest things for me is, my w is the first person I truly loved. I had girlfriends in the past but I always knew I was not going to marry them. My w as soon as I dated her I knew she was the one. So I never had a breakup where I was in love. Maybe that’s why I struggle. I know it’s not over till it’s over. But like I said before her pride ruins relationships.
R2C how do I turn her on indirectly? I get stuck with doing things the thinking that is pursuit and stop myself. Tell me how to seduce from a distance? Like I said this is a whole new ballgame for me and I am lost.

[LH19]

W,

Just because you D doesn’t mean you can’t recon in the future. Most recons that last are years down the road.

As for DB, you really never really listened to anything we said so do you think that’s a fair assessment?

By the time you get to this point after b drop there are very few quick turnarounds to prevent the D. The real value in DB is about establishing tools to piece your life back together. That takes a lot of work, time and discipline. You have NGS which you have to work on if you want to prevent this from happening to you again in the future.

It makes me cringe when you ask about dating. There will be plenty time for that in the future after you resolve your issues. There is a saying around here “broken attracts broken”.