Showing 180s is tough bc you risk looking like a peacock. Your 180s probably need more time to firm up so keep working. I have a feeling you haven't seen or heard the last of her.
Have you considering making plans for Friday and telling her to email you a proposal? Why is the face to face necessary? It seems like you are only going to be worse for wear after that. Isn't your time better spent elsewhere? What is so pressing about this separation agreement?
There's a bunch of things she's not going to be able to access or have insight to, such as my various illiquid assets through the sale of my company. The goal of the meeting is just to bring everything to the table, and hopefully have as productive of a conversation as possible about it. But yes, I do agree - there's no way the conversation ends with us in a better emotional place than we were before.
Y'all are married, what is the separation meeting bringing to the table that she isn't already aware of?
It's a question of clarity. For example, she knows I sold my company before we got married. But since she generally trusted me to handle the finances, she has a rough idea for how much, but nothing explicit. She doesn't know how that equity converted into equity in the new company, nor does she know how that equity is currently valued, and so on.
This is one of the paper cuts that caused the S; not feeling like a true partner on things.
I see. I'm hoping someone else chimes in, but I think you just disclose it to her in email so it's documented and give the explicit figures she would need to move forward. Honest, straightforward, the right thing to do.
What are you thoughts Steve? Has your lawyer given any advice on this?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I see. I'm hoping someone else chimes in, but I think you just disclose it to her in email so it's documented and give the explicit figures she would need to move forward. Honest, straightforward, the right thing to do.
What are you thoughts Steve? Has your lawyer given any advice on this?
I'm speaking with my lawyer tomorrow, and getting the lay of the land. WAW will not be happy about the hardline I'm taking w/r/t pre-marital assets, but I have to prepare for my own future and as Steve85 said, I can't buy her back right now.
I hear you that an email would be better as to avoid the unpleasantness, but I'm also hoping that a productive, in-person session where everything is honestly disclosed will show a 180 and an indication of understanding one of her frustrations.
I'm speaking with my lawyer tomorrow, and getting the lay of the land. WAW will not be happy about the hardline I'm taking w/r/t pre-marital assets, but I have to prepare for my own future and as Steve85 said, I can't buy her back right now.
EXACTLY. And I will say again, if she wants to cling to the notion that you gave her some kind of promise, then politely remind her she promised to stick with you "until death do us part." She can't violate the biggest marital agreement of all and expect to hold you to a secondary marital agreement.
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I hear you that an email would be better as to avoid the unpleasantness, but I'm also hoping that a productive, in-person session where everything is honestly disclosed will show a 180 and an indication of understanding one of her frustrations.
Don't agree to anything. Just listen and validate. If she asks you to agree to something just state that you will need to discuss it with your lawyer first. I would not disclose ANYTHING about the proceeds from your pre-marital business. If she asks, just remind her that that was pre-marriage and is not subject to division. If she rants and raves and complains then just listen and validate. "I understand this must be very difficult for you."
WAW sent me a quick message earlier today, ahead of our meeting:
"btw don't worry about having everything done tomorrow, we'll work through what we work through!"
Dreading the conversation today, but it is what it is.
One thing I see some mixed messages on where I read other threads is the idea of friendship. I see some people advocating clarity around "I have no interest in being your friend", and other who advocate that friendship is at the heart of any relationship, and once you get to the level of friendship-level meetups, it offers an opportunity to demonstrate the 180s and so on.
I'm obviously a long way from that, but any thoughts? I'd have a very hard time being her friend right now or anytime soon because of the hurt of the S, but I do want to keep doors open if I can.
There is a difference in being friendly 'friendship is at the heart of any relationship, and once you get to the level of friendship-level meetups, it offers an opportunity to demonstrate the 180s and so on.' AND being friend-zoned! "I have no interest in being your friend".
So you have to walk that fine-line. If she starts talking to you about her latest dates with other guys, guess what?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
If spouse is actively cheating on you and leaving you for an affair partner: "I absolutely have no intention on being your friend"
My lady is my lover, not a friend. I have many friends, only one lover. There are many layers to attractions. Focus on being attractive to her. Even if that means not being her friend. Do not get put in the friend zone.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
There is a difference in being friendly 'friendship is at the heart of any relationship, and once you get to the level of friendship-level meetups, it offers an opportunity to demonstrate the 180s and so on.' AND being friend-zoned! "I have no interest in being your friend".
So you have to walk that fine-line. If she starts talking to you about her latest dates with other guys, guess what?
Absolutely. I have zero interest in the latter. And I think she knows that.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
If spouse is actively cheating on you and leaving you for an affair partner: "I absolutely have no intention on being your friend"
My lady is my lover, not a friend. I have many friends, only one lover. There are many layers to attractions. Focus on being attractive to her. Even if that means not being her friend. Do not get put in the friend zone.
Well, call me naive, but I have zero evidence of an affair. But yes, at the point in which she is dating someone else, I have very little interest in being a Plan B and/or being around to witness it.
