9 spend MORE time with her. Our marriage was attention starved because I was a farmer. Dawn till dusk 7 days a week. The only time we had off was for me to go to oncologist
Everybody knows you know the answer your a nerd put your hand down
I’m not good enough
My coach
I don’t have time for you I have to spend time with the kids who have a chance
Not good enough
The military
Your rare eye disease disqualifies you from serving
Not good enough
But my wife. My amazing wife who thought the world of me. Who told me how awesome she thought I was. Who’s is stunning in her own right
I’d be less miserable without you
Not good enough
Do you see why I don’t like me?
Stop looking for validation in other people. YOU should know our own worth. If you don't think you are good enough then no one else will either.
Unfortunately, feelings like this are very difficult to deal with on your own. Do yourself a favor and try to look for free mental health resources. You told us earlier that you have insurance. Look into whether your insurance covers it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
2 stop being insecure about health and panic attacks
3 communication with when and where I’m gonna be espically when I’m going to be late or go to a friends house
4 stop GAL without her. START GAL WITH her
5 make more time for her to do what she wants while I watch S
6 being more attentive to her needs. Less attentive to my own
7 stop making financial decisions without her
8 stop being needy
1 should be done, but ONLY your own weight. Do not become Mr. Maid.
2 good
3 No, this is not a 180. Are you telling me that you knew exactly where she always was and exactly what time she would be home? This is not a 180 and violates #8 on your list: stop being needy
4 No. This is not a 180. This is routine maintenance. GAL without her. But occasionally take R2C's advice about inviting her along when GAL includes your child
5 Yes, but don't tell her. Just do it. Just spend more time with S, and if she feels she needs to do things she will. That is giving her space.
6 NO, she doesn't want that right now. That is routine maintenance. Your engine is blown. The last thing she wants right now is your attention.
7 Yes
8 YES YES YES! By the way, 3 and 6 are YOU being needy. After BD being attentive and being overly communicative about things is the wrong approach.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Since you have a minor child who can't be left at home alone, you need to communicate with your wife about *when* you will be away and *when* you will be back. You don't need to communicate about where you will be or what you will be doing, but I don't think you need to be overly mysterious either.
You: I'm joining a meetup group that meets Thursday evenings, so I won't be home until 9:00. Do you need me to find a babysitter for son, or are you going to be home Thursday evening?
It's a jerk move for one partner to make plans and just assume the other partner will take care of the minor children.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
W seemed stressed this morning about insurance if you guys remember from yesterday. She wants to be on her own plan but has realized it’s more expensive than my family plan
I just told her if she don’t want to be in mine that’s fine. She started to backtrack and figure out how to get off hers and on mine
I stopped her and said
“If you don’t want to be on mine it’s fine no pressure we will figure it out. She looked oddly relieved
Is it weird that I feel full of confidence? My head seems level today.
At the same time I feel really sad. Not depressed, not angry, not happy. Like it will be what it will be. But extraordinarily sad.
Every night I have dreamt that we were just fine. And wake up and remember that we are not. Last night I dreamt we were done for good. I woke up and was relieved to see her there.
It’s a weird kinda sad. I love her more deeply than anything I have in my life I love her enough to let her be happy. It kills me but I care about her more than myself
