Your thoughts are doing this to you. You need to change your thoughts. This is a learned skill. Stop thinking of the past. Stop thinking about what "should" be.
Get yourself in the moment. Wake up, take 5 really deep breaths. Just enjoy the feeling of the breathing. Stay in the moment. Don't think about anything. Get in the shower. Enjoy the feeling of the warm water. Enjoy the smell of your shampoo. If you don't like the smell, throw it away and go shampoo shopping find some you do like the smell of.
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I understand my w love language but unfortunately it is too late.
This is BS. Your brain has to be right. If you believe your statement, then you are right. Challenge this. Tell yourself it is not too late.
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In case you are wondering when I am with my kids I am not like this. When my w is around I am upbeat and fun. Like the saying goes you have to fake it until you make it.
You need to be like this with everyone all the time. That is the KEY!!
Do you ride motorcycle? I am always "present" while riding. Always feels good to stop thinking and just be.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I have always wanted a motorcycle, but my W would be so pissed. She thinks they are so dangerous, and it is irresponsible since we have kids. I guess divorce isn't irresponsible.
R2C you are a very wise person. I like the idea of the shampoo that would probably help. How can I tell myself if its not too late? I was in the pool with the kids today and w said she has an appointment with the mortgage broker to refinance this way she can buy me out. She also called the lawyer to see what was going on with the paperwork. It’s very obvious she is done, gone, no coming back.unfortunately I know what she wants from a relationship now, I will never have that chance to show her. It’s her loss!! I know I am a catch, I’m attractive, in good shape, good job, hard working, fun, loving and dedicated to who ever I am with. She let her emotions get the best of her and she thinks the grass is greener. Good luck!! Also I am upbeat with most people. There are a few very close friends and family I will vent to.
I don’t have a motorcycle would I would love to get is a jetski. I can’t now because of money. This divorce is going to be a financial struggle for me. Between the child support and the cost of NY. This will be a struggle. Damn her for putting our family through this!!!
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Just remember in her mind what she is doing is justified, whether or not you agree she believes she is right. This is why we must just give them time and space. Do not react to anything she says. GAL!
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Everyone says to give her time and space. Well it looks like I will have permanent time and space. I know they feel justified in what they are doing. In their mind it’s my fault they are doing this. I get all of that. It’s time for me to really prepare for my new reality. My new life!!! Gal has helped. Doing a lot of reading on here and in books has helped. Too bad for her she is going to miss out on Wolfman 2.0!!! Like I said mornings are hard for me, for whatever reason. I will be ready for my new life in my new house. Looking forward to dating when this is all said and done. I will tell you there is a lot less stress when she isn’t around. I guess for so long I have a hard time of letting go of the past. Once I’m in my new house I will be ready to start over. I guess it’s the limbo that makes it hard.
Last edited by Wolfman; 06/29/1912:03 AM.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Satan lies with partial truths and justifications for abandoning vows that are supposed to be unified by God, and not feelings, and not the state, the heart can be deceived. Romantic Love is blind. Real love is commitment to persevere through all. When God goes quiet and removes himself from us when we sin, but he still loves us hoping we will come back to him and Jesus Christ. Our Bridegroom. Just like we remove ourselves when our spouses hurt us and our families (yes sometimes justified for leaving, but doesn't make it right.) but that doesn't mean we ever stop loving them. Suffering is good, it brings change for growth and repentance, it is necessary. There is no growth in a contentious life. Put your focus in Christ, and you will start to change the things you thought you could not on your own accord. Our spouses must fall from grace to come back. This is what I learned today.
I finally get how the natural conflicts with the spiritual, and how all of DB principles parallels, but is paradoxical with the bible's teachings.
IH that was a little to religious for me. I’m sorry I just don’t follow all of that. I am catholic but didn’t follow what you were putting down. I have prayed for 11 months for this to be fixed and I’m still In The same position.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I would separate the "Money" from the "Seducing Wife back".
Originally Posted by Wolfman
she has an appointment with the mortgage broker to refinance this way she can buy me out.....I can’t now because of money.
Ask her "Any way you can speed this up?" or "How can I help speed up the refi?" Enthusiastically support the refi.
Taking the kids to the lake with a jet ski...Can't beat that. I almost purchased a boat, but decided to get out of the rental into a bigger house. Now sure if that was wise or not. Missed the chance for water sports with kids at teeens.
