Admitted to it. Said she enjoys it. Thinks it helps us with intimacy. Tried to say she wouldn't care if I did likewise. She was very arrogant about it. Almost tried to make me feel like the one with the issue.
She admitted near the end to not being a very good Christian. But she's very flippant about the whole thing. No remorse. No regret
I said: so in your preference is that I should just not care about this. Her response: Yes, that's my preference.
She deleted everyone of her friends list in the game. Went back to playing not logged in. Yet says her inappropriate chats will probably continue.
My daughter is at a very precarious age. Already having friend issues. I'm afraid that this will destroy her. I do want to just throw in the towel, but I'm feeling like that might be the selfish route.
She says she'd be open to therapy, but I don't expect her to follow through on any of that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks DS9, she came back as I was using the restroom and typing out my posts. I am calm. made some small talk with my daughter. Wife is on couch, not touching her devices. Weird.
Ok. I don't know how your wife reacts to your telepgraphed emotions/demeanour (whihc you cant see but she can), but maybe the best thing you can do now is kind of act 'as if' nothing has happened, but be somewhat frosty and reserved around her, til you get right back into the Steve85 frame of mind that everyone on this forum turns to.
If she sweats on that, then that may be a good thing - she may worry and want to talk? If she does, I'd just listen, but maybe ask her to explain herself because you don't understand. If she wants a reply, just go into the I need time to think reply.
Anyway, focus solely on your D for now, then as soon as you are able, get out of the house for a while, but dont drive (maybe get a buddy to pick you up).
Remember the prevailing advice here - sometimes its better to say nothing.
Good luck mate
Thanks DS9, more fed up than anything else right now. Just feel like throwing in the towel. Lots to think about with that. I've definitely let her cake eat for a long time. Should never have purchased this house. Just a complete mess right now. Complete and utter mess.
Can't let it affect my job.
Funny she said at least three times how great things were between us. She doesn't see that it was all a lie.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Maybe one of our ex-WW's should pitch in about relapse becaise tgis is what it sounds like. Or maybe it never was over? IDK. But I feel sorry for you man. You've done an excellent job on yourself and your MR. Hats off for that. Tale some distance and think about your next move in all the peace you can find. Hope your D won't be anymore affected with all of this. Be the great dad that you are! Stay strong.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
I believe you can give her the same feelings. You need to step back, and understand her needs and how you can fill those needs. Lead her through this.
Not so sure R2C. She says the problem with doing that with me is that then I expect her to follow through. She can have these fantasies with strangers online without them knowing her faults and without ever having them see her in real life. I do believe all of that. I don't understand it, but I believe it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Maybe one of our ex-WW's should pitch in about relapse becaise tgis is what it sounds like. Or maybe it never was over? IDK. But I feel sorry for you man. You've done an excellent job on yourself and your MR. Hats off for that. Tale some distance and think about your next move in all the peace you can find. Hope your D won't be anymore affected with all of this. Be the great dad that you are! Stay strong.
Thanks Petri. I appreciate all of that. Good advice. No need to feel sorry for me, I'm actually in a great place emotionally. I am handling this so much better than I did post BD a year and a half ago. I am beyond needing to save this at all costs. I don't want to be married to someone that can deceive and lie so easily. I don't want to be married to someone that I constantly have to wonder what is up to whenever she's online.
I do wonder how much of this is the Zoloft and other drug clouding her judgement. But only a good psychiatrist would know that for sure.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm not minimising your current tribulations, but was her arrogance and don't care attitude a show of defiance and bravado (rather than how she feels really), in which case there may be something to salvage after the dust has settled? I say this because in my M, my XW had quite a few of these WTF bravado moments, which smoothed over subsequently.
If not, you've got the call to make in the next few days as to whether this is it with your W, subject of course to the best interests of your D. As you said, a lot to think about, pending your decision. Maybe during the thinking process, research and book therapy for your W then present her with the date, time and venue of the session. The other veterans will be here soon no doubt to assist with the longer term stuff, as I'm pretty new here sorry mate.
I now really hate smartphones and tablets - they are insidious. It all starts innocently, then snowballs, and becomes a fantasy life. Yes, I too had the positive, loving signals from my XW mere hours before BD.
Mate, what are you doing in the present moment? I still think you need to get out of the house for a while, even if you work from home. It sounds toxic there. Maybe take your D this time. With all respect to your W, I cant believe she's gone back to her game after all this!
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Hey man, sorry to hear all this. I'd wait for Sandi to chime in before taking any action, but my take is you need to lay down the law. She is disrespecting you, your daughter, and the MR... You and D deserve better. If you still want to try to save the MR, I'd say you need a boundary, perhaps several... You won't share your W with another man, online or otherwise, you won't allow porn or sexting in your home with your daughter, etc etc... And she's, what, a three time loser at this now? She gets herself into IC pronto or you are done, yesterday.
IIRC you had even less separation from your WW than I did before you started piecing,band she faced fewer consequences. IMHO she needs to understand that she can lose her family and YOU need to stand up for yourself. You are a veteran DB-er by now... This [censored], but you are prepared for it and we are with you.
Very interested in what Sandi would have to say so I hope she chimes in.
Continuing to send prayers your way...
Last edited by hoosjim; 08/28/1904:19 AM.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
