I thought perhaps it was time to start a new thread. My last thread is nearly a year old by now. It's amazing how time can fly when you're not functioning in crisis mode all of the time.
All of my threads have had a "new day" theme, and that still seems very appropriate. After all, every new day is still a new beginning. We are free of the hurts and mistakes of yesterday, and the day before us is a clean slate, full of successes, love, hope, action and possibilities.
I found this website and the DR/DB books nearly two and a half years ago. This website and the friends and the tools have been a great comfort to me in times of challenges as well as providing the support and concrete tools to move forward and make positive changes for myself, and not just for an R/M/WAS.
If you are new and have just happened to stumble onto my thread, then welcome. You are certainly in the right place. Here is a little recap of my sitch for you:
Me 45 SO 36 R1 began March '01 Bomb Sept. '04 I moved out out Oct. '04 (after living together for 1.5 yrs) SO has D16 who came to live with us I have grown children, one married, one divorced, 2 grandbabies Reconciled and began R2 July '05
We still are not living together again yet, and that won't happen for a couple of reasons. One is that I insist on being married before I live with anyone again. I made that decision long before the reconciliation with SO. I knew I did not want to be in that situation again, and if I was ever going to live with a man again, I would only do under that kind and level of commitment. (If you find any of my old threads, you will see that when we reconciled nearly two years ago, that was at the top of the list for SO...he's ready to get married.)
Secondly is that he needs to be able to focus on raising his teenage daughter, and dodging political bullets from his XW. He certainly doesn't need me in there making the situation any more complicated than it already is. I'm patient, and I can wait. The plan is to marry after D16 (nearly 17) finishes high school/turns 18. He has not yet formally proposed, but he's working on that part. It's not clear to me what the delay is in that part, but I'm not pressuring him, either. That was part of the problem previously -- he felt pressured about the M issue.
That's all I have time for now on my lunch break. Welcome to my new digs; I look forward to hearing from you.
Wow! It has been a good amt of time since you two reconciled. I imagine it hasn't been all easy. Or has it?
For many folks, merely surviving or reconciled or in a longterm unresolved sitch, the longterm nature of one's sitch and needed changes, can be mind-bending. In other words, how do I keep this going for the rest of my life.
I think you're wise to not press. However, I do hope the proposal comes soon!
So, for the long time readers, what's new? Do you have a good R with SO's D16 these days? Do you see your kids and grandkids much? Any sign of spring out there? Oh, wait, FL asked that already.
Thanks,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Ah Koshka and FL, my faithful companions! Sometimes I feel like the 3 of us are the Three Muskateers! We joined around the same time, shared pain and anger and joy and revelations together...thanks for sticking by me, still, my favorite Martians!
In answers to your questions here goes:
1) I have zero R with SO's D16. And, to be honest, it is best that way. I will not be drawn into that 3 ring circus with her and her mother again. I don't plan on having any sort of R with her until she is 18 and will be expected to behave like an adult. I struggle with the way she treats SO these days, barely paying him any mind at all, let alone respect or affection. It is best that I keep my distance right now.
2) I don't see either my kids or the grandbabes nearly as often as I'd like. DD27 is attempting to file for D on her own, has a BF who has moved in with her. I hear from her if there are medical issues with DGS21 mo. I got to see him a couple of weeks ago and he was just wonderful. DGS20 mos is also doing well. DS24 and wife are doing well professionally and pretty busy. I'm planning on heading up there for a visit in a week or two.
3) R2 with SO is really quite wonderful and comforting and loving. We rarely have disagreements, and if we do, they certainly are short and low-key. Total 180 from R1. He has learned so much in the past year, and I really think he's learned a lot from reading this website/thread and my example. He knows how to use 180's, acting as if, and the 24 hour rule. For example, I was there on Fri & Sat evenings this past weekend. He was in a lousy mood. I sensed it, he admitted it, and we just kept things low-key. In the past, either of us being in a lousy mood would have been enough fuel to send us off to the races with a huge argument. I credit him so much for learning how to manage his moods now. He really is a wonderful, warm, loving and thoughtful man. He's been through a very hard period of growth the past couple of years, and I think he's starting to realize the pay-off, for both of us.
Update: I'm thinking of throwing my hat in the ring for a different job. It would still be with the U, but it's an Assoc. Director position, worth about $25k-$30k more per year. I think I have a pretty good shot at it, but it's outside of healthcare and into more of the public health arena. I've been struggling with my new boss the past couple of months, and I'm wondering if it's not a hint to "move on".
Now now, Kev...I can't help it if you're never around. You're just so dog-gone busy out there living your life, although God only knows what that is since you don't write on your thread any more.
The position closed on the job line last Friday. If they are like me, they are spending this week reviewing the applicants and prioritizing. They will probably start inviting interviewees next week.
He has not yet formally proposed, but he's working on that part. It's not clear to me what the delay is in that part, but I'm not pressuring him, either. That was part of the problem previously -- he felt pressured about the M issue. 
Oh, wait, FL asked that already.
