Thank you for your kind words dnj and sunflyer. Yes while I say I cannot live in limbo I'm referring to getting closure on my situation. I know this will come, selling the home for me is the first step and finishing mediation the second. I am not letting my situation interfere with my goals and me being busy and active, I am no longer waiting on her for anything other than to sign any good offer we will receive and signing separation. My fitness and health is first and foremost right now. It's amazing how much physical activity can affect not only your appearance but your mood and confidence as well. I have almost become addicted to converting any negative energy I have into exercise and it no longer feels like a chore. The good weather is giving me something to look forward to as now I can do things like riding bike and playing golf with friends and such. A small part of me would actually be OK with keeping the house for myself, I'm short a bit on that front but who knows if some of my investments pan out its still maybe a possibility. Going back home is not so much to get away from things here but to give me a fresh start and take a risk albeit a small one, financially it is by far the best decision, I do not want to go backwards in quality of life as I would basically be working to pay rent and owning something will likely be out of the question. I've put a lot of thought into it and it's a hard decision not to make. I do have majority of my family back home and family is a huge thing for me, it gives me a foundation and allows me to cherish that which I have very little of here.
The battle of heart and mind will always be there. For me I do not make any decisions based solely on emotions as that has not served me well in the last year and a quarter but the battle will continue and I'm OK with that, this is the struggle of life. I have leaned on faith as much as I can and it has given me a sort of stoic strength, an impetus for perseverance and a catalyst to fight through anything that comes my way. I'm a simple man and I do not require extravagant lifestyle to meet my spiritual needs. Being humble in a materialistic world for me is important above all. I feel ready for any challenge that comes my way, I firmly believe that God gives us obstacles in life to test our faith and to make us stronger, and after the last year or so I feel like I have come a long way. Whether it be passed out in emergency from withdrawal, spending a week in rehab, fighting through severe depression and suicidal thoughts, I have learned to become an optimist and realize that I have gone through the worst. I'll likely ever go through in my life and there's nowhere to go but up.
