P&DB - Check with an attorney, but it's my understanding, at least in community property states, that if a spouse owns a home before marriage, but then during the marriage house payments or repairs are paid out of a joint checking account that both spouses contribute money to, the house becomes community property. You may have more rights to the house than you think.
Quote: You just knew it was going to come down to talking about tool size sooner or later, LOL
And why did I just KNOW that our beloved Al would be drawn into this conversation...
FWIW, and I can say this because Wanker used to say it himself...."acorn on a beanbag aka BINKY"...but sheesh...you know it's never the size of the tool...it's all in how you use it, baby...
Quote: You know, they make tools specifically designed for women to use...just in case there is no man with a tool in their life. That's what I've heard.
Yes, and they call it a Rabbit!! Still waiting inpatiently for mine...
Hey, Ellie! The law's kinda twisted here -- fortunately, kinda in my favor...at least for the time being. And I'm glad you mentioned the L thing 'cause I have a little update anyway.
H bought the house while we were engaged, and it only has his name on it. But yes, we had a joint bank account from which the mortgage was paid (which means I should receive a share of the profit from its sale). For H to sell the house, I have to sign a transfer of deed, which I am refusing to do. That's why he served me with a court order to rush the division of marital property. His goal is to get me outta his house. However, he and I (during our "recon" efforts) agreed that I would stay in the house until the baby's born.
So I actually don't have any rights to the house at all, but my refusal to sign a transfer of deed has forced his hand. And now it will be up to the courts to decide. My L and I have serious doubts that a judge is gonna look at me and my swelling belly and tell me I have to move right now. I'm 5 months preggo, and by the time we go to court, I'll be at least 6 months, maybe a little further along.
Yesterday, H's L finally sent a proposed settlement which was very similar to the agreement H and I had come up with. He won't put the house on the market until May 1. His L didn't include, however, that we had agreed that he would not sell any sooner than July 31, so we'll be including that in our answer.
And this is the best part (it shows that H is runnin' a little scared right now, and rightfully so): He proposes that I can have everything inside the house as long as I waive my right to any alimony. My L got a kick outta that, 'cause it shows that H's L is fully aware of the "extra leg" I've grown since Dec. 15.
Obviously, there's no way I'm giving up my right to alimony. So, here's what we're answering with: H won't put the house on the market until May 1 (I might change that to June 1), and won't sell until at least July 31. My L wants me to stay in the house until it's sold (which will maximize the potential alimony I'll be able to receive, since H wouldn't be paying a mortgage and trying to pay me spousal support at the same time). I don't really want to be in the house while it's "showing," but the way I look at it is that it'll be after the baby's born. I'm sure I'll be feeling a lot better by then.
We're also gonna include that of course we won't agree to waive alimony or attorney's fees, but will revisit those issues as soon as the house is sold.
Additionally, we're sending a letter to OW to rattle her cage, as we have been planning to do. L had a heart-to-heart with me last night about pursuing a lawsuit against her. I told him I don't think I'll do it, because it's really not her fault. He said he agreed, but that he'd be willing to file one against her if I really wanted to. I told him to stick to the letter for now.
So I'm getting ready to rock H's and OW's worlds a little. I told my L last night that every time I receive papers from H, it feels like another blow. It's amazing how paper can do that to us. I'll feel a little better once I file papers on them. Like I'm actually defending myself for once in this nightmare.
Anyway, that's my update. I just hate like hell that everything has come to this.
Quote: Additionally, we're sending a letter to OW to rattle her cage, as we have been planning to do. L had a heart-to-heart with me last night about pursuing a lawsuit against her. I told him I don't think I'll do it, because it's really not her fault. He said he agreed, but that he'd be willing to file one against her if I really wanted to. I told him to stick to the letter for now.
Wow...do you have the alienation of affection law in your state? Damn...always wondered how that worked...I'd be interested in seeing how this goes through.
It's not her fault? Hello, she didn't earn ow for nothing. Sorry...I know it's not supposed to be about them...but I don't have much respect for any person that takes up with someone who is married, especially in your sitch. Had she been a real woman, with a real heart, she would have told him to go home and be a man...She knew exactly what she was doing getting involved in this sitch.
Oh, don't get my blood back to boilin', girl! It wouldn't take much! I just now reached the point where I'm planning to back off her for a minute.
Yes, we have alienation of affection -- which I've always thought was a kinda bogus law, but that's neither here nor there -- which will be the foundation of our threat to her. We'll be asking for all her financial information to see how much we want to sue her for. But like I said, I prolly won't sue her.
I'll be sure to keep you posted about how all the AofA stuff works. The reason it applies in my case is because I am preggo and it's pretty clear that H left me for her, and that she was a willing participant. And the AofA stuff *really* applies because H and I were reconciling -- and he says OW was aware of that before and during their "goodbye sex." And that "goodbye sex" transpired the very day after H and I had attended my baby's ultrasound together and found out we're having a son.
It's a really "emotional" case. But H could always say that he never told her that we were reconciling -- even if he did. Of course most people think that chances are higher either he would throw OW under the bus to try to minimize what we go after him for, or that OW will throw H under the bus for "causing" her all the drama. Then there's the third possibility that it'll push them closer together. And I don't really care. They're already together, so where do I lose?
This is all very interesting to read up on. If I end up having to D., I also plan to ask for spousal support. H. earns way more than I do. A lawyer told me I did have rights to it.
Keep us posted on how it's going. Again, I say that you are handling this extremely well. It sounds to me like you are aware of how wonderful you are and what you have to offer someone. Good! Plus, you have a new baby to look forward to.
I don't understand the AofA law at all. I'm in NY state. I don't know if we have such a thing.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Did I say that?
I just now reached the point where I'm planning to back off her for a minute. 
But like I said, I prolly won't sue her.
Plus, you have a new baby to look forward to.