I need some advice, CD (chipdick) has lost the plot!!!
A few nights ago I got a call from CDs sister, he,s been unwell with his nerves for the last few years, but nothing major I dont think, but on this particular night he was behaving really irrational and depressed, and his sister was worried so she rang his Friend who he,d been on Holiday with recently. His Friend told her he,d been like that in Spain too, and that at one point they had to pull him in from the balconey because he was going to jump off, and another night they had to call a Doctor to him because he had taken pills and drank a lot, Im not sure of all the details
The night she called me, he had been in a state and when she went to see what he was doing in their garage, he had set up a hosepipe to the exhaust She called an ambulance because she didnt know what else to do, even though he hadnt yet done anything, and the Police. They took him into the house and calmed him down, but he was crying a lot and he ended up going into Hospital for the night. Theyve said they are going to arrange councelling for him and he,s been put on A.D and Diazepam. She called me to say he had gone in, and that he wanted me to go to see him. It was late at night, and I said if he was still there the next day, Id go then, because I didnt really know what good me going there at 1 in the morning would do.
Anyway, he came out the next day, so I didnt go see him at all. I didnt hear anything. 2 days ago he came here and started begging me to get back with him, saying he cant do this anymore etc etc, cant live with himself, things like that. He was crying a lot, and I admit I felt sorry for him, he,s made such a mess of his life this last few years. I talked to him for a little while, but I said him coming back after all thats happened wasnt an option, I couldnt trust him etc, he lied all the time, did some terrible things to all of us, but that I would help him if I could ( I know, after all he,s done to me, but I cant see anyone genuinly hurting like that, and do nothing!) as a Friend, nothing else.
Last night at gone 2 am my phone goes, its him,he,s across the road in the house. He wants to come over but I said no because the dogs will bark so I went over there. He was in SUCH a state. I couldnt believe it. He was hyper-ventilating, panicking, crying, the lot. He was begging me again to have him back, said he,d do anything, move anywhere, do whatever it takes. He said we could either take the house off the market and move in there, or buy somewhere else and have a fresh start where no-one knows us, or even live here, whatever I want to do. It was horrible to see, at one point he was actually on his knees and I was getting upset, Ive never seen him like that before. He ended up here sleeping on the sofa because I couldnt let him drive off like that.
Ive just got an e.mail from him now, saying much the same thing as he said last night, and saying he,ll never be able to live with himself or forgive himself for all he,s put us through, how muchhe loves me etc etc and that he doesnt blame me for hating him, but he would rather be dead than pretend he,s living, because his life is over without me anyway.
I havny replied, because I dont know what to say!! How do I deal with someone like this? Its such a shock, this isnt like him at all and I dont know what to do. I dont know if this is emotional blackmail, or if he is really having a breakdown, it didnt seem like he was acting and he just seems so desperate. Im afraid that if I dont help him, he,ll do something. I just dont know what to do though. help???
mea.xxxxxxxxx
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My ex-Husband bought me a mood ring so he could monitor my moods. When Im in a good mood it turns green. When Im in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the B****** will buy me a diamond.
your exh needs help but not from you. He's nothing to do with you now and if you help him it will give him false hope. He needs to seek medical help and councelling.
That's so unfortunate for him but I agree with Mojo. You have nothing to offer him now except guidance to the proper health practitioners. I'm glad he has got on something to help with the depression. Is there anyone like his sister that could see that he stays under supervision for a while? IMHO, I think you have enough on your plate with dealing with your D and mum at this time. I think your approach at hanging back and being helpful only as a friend is best for all concerned in the long run.
I am so sorry this never seems to end for you. But I do agree there is nothing you can do for him. He needs to get healthy on his own. He needs to get treatment on his own.
Hi MEA, Well, he is not suffering from a mental illnes but seems a reactive disorder, low mood and over anxiety,with acting out and self harm behaviour in a histrionic manner. For the first time perhaps in his life he is being forced to face up to and live with the consequences of his selfish and malicious behaviour.
I wish I could say he will not do himself a nasty, but tho most of it is attention seeking , he could just get himself into a frenzied enuff state, booze etc, to do real harm to himself.But that is his decision, he is not psychotic, he is aware of what he is doing.
One thing is certain, he is not your responsibilty now, let his loving family cope and the Docs.
Rewarding him with your care and attention will only make him do more of the same.The focus is as ever on him, not you or his daughter, who have both suffered so much..
They did not keep him in Hospital as he is not ill, just letting himself go demanding attention,acting out, and trying to force your hand, and as you say emotional blackmail carried to the ultimate. It may let him learn to make the coping and growth we have had,but I doubt it. Good for you for being so strong and clear and kind too.
But stay away as you have done or he will slowly pull you back in again.
This is not any more than him again trying to take control. So do not go round again, or let him in.
I think.. phone his family or Doc if he sounds at risk.
Do not make yourself responsible for his behaviour.
Change phone numbers if need be. Others can help, not your job now.
I believe he is not legally to annoy or harass you, didn't you have an interdict?.. Does that not still stand? Anyway get back and let us know how you are!
In my head, I know everyone else who has posted is absolutely right. But I can empathise with how it is making you feel.
In the end, none of us can stop someone from self harming. Yes, there is a risk, as Calder says, that he will do something if he gets drunk and agitated, but if the only way to prevent that is saying you will have him back, and that that is just not an option for you, all you can do is to stand back and let others watch over him.
His family are aware and they must step up to the plate now. The medication should take the edge off his agitation soon hopefully. Maybe this will be a turning point for him, one that will result in real growth.
This is going to be very hard for you dear mea, so please keep posting so that you can get all the support you need.
Thinking of you, much love
Jxxxxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
I made another post before that one, saying how everyone is in my thoughts today, in America and everywhere, but I see now it isnt there
I want to let you all know you are in my thoughts today. Sending hugs to all of you.xxxx
Im about to jump in the bath, CD is across the road, I heard his car alarm as he turned up, but he hasnt been over yet, thankfully. Im going to take a book and relax in the bath and hopefully wont here if he knocks at the door, although the dogs may bark, but Im kind of "hiding" in the bathroom
Im looking into moving out of Bristol, possibly out of England. Maybe Ireland or Wales, Im not sure yet, but I feel I need to get away from here if Im going to have any type of peace. And now theres the door!!!!
Back to update later. x
My ex-Husband bought me a mood ring so he could monitor my moods. When Im in a good mood it turns green. When Im in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the B****** will buy me a diamond.
It just never ends for you, does it!! I have a couple extra bedrooms in at my house .....come to the US!! We'd have a blast, and we have a couple nice pubs in town, you'd feel right at home!!
I don't have much advice for your sitch with CD, I know you still feel a need to rescue him, but let his family do that!! It still seems to be about him.....
Choose Scotland..small but beautiful beyond compare and with lots of Scots.. what could be better?! Please update us.. let us know how life is at the front line!!
Do not give up.. You are worth so much more than he has ever given you.. You are one strong, funny, sparky and beautiful woman...
Hey! what is holding you back.. Get on with the rest of your life and let CD continue to foul up his own, not yours! Take care.. email me if you can.. Love N hugs,
.....come to the US!! We'd have a blast, and we have a couple nice pubs in town, you'd feel right at home!!