The thing that strikes me in all this, is that he has not mentioned changing a thing about himself, just moving in with you, and you pretending the last few years didn't happen.
I have to say, if you read the NPD boards much, you will see that they (Ns) tend to draw you back in again and again, and then spit you out again after that as well. It is mostly about their convenience.
I posted on my thread recently about how my H's OW1, my former friend, committed suicide a couple of weeks ago.
But they say that Ns rarely commit suicide, though they do make quite a drama of "trying". This is not definitive though. Who knows what your ex is, inspite of displaying so many narcissistic traits.
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to you Mea)))))))))))))))))))
and stay strong.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Just catching up and read the latest about your ex's latest exploits. People here have given you some wonderful thoughts and I haven't anything to add to that, but wonder how you're doing, hope you'll post again soon.
Thanks for thinking about me, and checking in to see Im ok. I am, I think
Lots of weird stuff going on here though. Chipdick is still alive, thankfully, but not coping very well at all. Everything really has caught up with him big-time, and he keeps using the words "over-whelming" and "panic, deep in my throat" to describe how he feels.
Much like I did then!!! Karma.
When he speaks, his voice is coming from a stranger, its very flat and mono-toned, and he has to stop and take a deep breath now and then. Its painfull to see him so...crushed, is the only word I can think of. Its not nice to see someone in so much pain, I cant imagine how it must be to live your life knowing that youve messed up so much and have so much regret, that you hate yourself, which is something else he keeps saying.
I believe him, I dont usually but I do this time, he really is done in. It doesnt change how I feel about him though, the loves gone, and I wont ever be "in love" with him again, but I do hurt for him. He,s lost everything. It didnt matter before, because he thought he,d "found" everything, but now, its smacked him hard in the face, so for everyone out there who ask if they are happier, or if they ever do really wake up, the answer NO, they are not happier, YES they do wake up. But too late. Or it is for me, at least.
He,s also clutching at any little straw he can, to stay in our lives. He stopped the sale on the House, and has offered for me to buy him out at a really low price, so that I can have the house, and he will finish all the work in it for me. Im waiting to see if I can get a Mortgage so I can do that, but I know deep down he thinks that, if I get the house, and let him help me, that I,ll gradually feel the same way about him and we,ll all live happily ever after. We will, but just not together Im not stupid though, even knowing thats the way he thinks , Im going to go for the house, for Mums sake, and because its what I want.
The only snag (apart from affording it ) is when Chipdick came out with this little gem... that he will take over the tenency of THIS house Im in now. THIS house, that he hated so much, called a "dump", he now wants to live in Could it possibly be that its across the street, so he,ll stay connected to us and be around everyday?
I dont want that, but I,ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Theres been a total 180 in our relationship. I went out with friends last night, bumped into one of chipdicks mates, and he mustve called chipdick, because in 10 minutes he was there, spying. We left and went somewhere else, he tried to "discreetly" follow us, but we lost him. I had 23 missed calls from him on my phone, 9 text messages. When I got home, he was stood in the dark in the house across the street, hiding behind a curtain, watching to see me come home. As soon as I got in the door, he called (this was at 2am) begging me to go over and talk to him. I was pretty drunk so I just wanted to go to bed, but he kept on and on and in the end I went over, I knew Id end up having to open the door to him here otherwise.
As soon as I was in the door, he got really upset and begging me to stay with him for a while, but I didnt, I just tried to calm him down, and I gave him a hug (he was like a child who needed some affection, it was sad and pathetic and disturbing, all in one go) and he almost squeezed me to death (maybe thats what he was trying to do ) and was really clinging on to me. I only stayed a few minutes, but when I was leaving he was doing anything he could to stop me, begging, standing in front of the door, etc, but never threatening or aggressive, I didnt feel afraid like I have before, he was far too pathetic and it was a totally different feeling. As I crossed the road, I looked back and he was just stood in the doorway, arms down by his side, looking at the floor. He looked dejected.
So, they DO wake up, DBers. I pray for you that yours wake up in time for you to save your marrage and be happy. Im not sure I believe in "timelines" for MLC, Im not even sure I believe MLC goes on for years ,but only a few weeks/months and that the rest of the behaviour is just an excuse to behave badly, or even a "learned" behaviour, but for those who do believe, this has been 3 years since we seperated. He says actually seeing the Divorce paper, seeing that we are not married anymore, was the final kick in the teeth, but that he,d been feeling like this for a few months.
I hope he gets better and can move on, I mean that, and I hope I get my mortgage and get my house back. We,ve both lost, the kids have lost,only the Lawyers have gained, but Im not unhappy, regretfull yes, that this all even happened, but it has, and Im going to be fine. I hope CD will too, but I think its going to take him a little longer to find his happiness.
How ironic though..right at the beginning, those heartbreaking words "I love you, but Im not in love with you"..we all hear them, and it kills us. I said those exact same words to chipdick last night.
Love you all, take care. Mea.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My ex-Husband bought me a mood ring so he could monitor my moods. When Im in a good mood it turns green. When Im in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time the B****** will buy me a diamond.
What a sad story. I even feel sorry for CD as I'm sure you do. You, however are still sounding strong and resilient.
Quote: How ironic though..right at the beginning, those heartbreaking words "I love you, but Im not in love with you"..we all hear them, and it kills us. I said those exact same words to chipdick last night.
Yes, it is ironic. I have not seen my XH face to face but I can visualize saying this to him and ironically some of the things he said back then I can agree with now, but for different reasons.
All the best to you as you make your way through life. I don't know what else to say but keep on keepin' on.
Here I am reading your post with tears in my eyes.. OMG..I am sitting here imagining the guy who thought he was so great and ran around with the "spook" finally get..I mean really get it.
You are so right..It is very hard to see when they do wake up. I think my XH has given me glimpses. Saying he was stupid..took me for granted..the R with the OW is way worse than ours..the whole deal. When I didn't bite the bait or react the way he thought I would, he got mad.
Back in the day, if he let his guard down and his vulnerablity show, I would have taken him back. Nope..Too much has been done.
The description you wrote about your X (chipdick) looking like a child who needed a hug, wow, that was really profound. I often saw my XH looking away when he would get the kids..While he sat in the car, I would peek out the window and see him just look off in the distance..glazed eyes. It almost gave me a pit in my stomach.
Boy, Mea, you have come a long way. Just remembering when the two of us started to post each other last year..maybe year and a half we both wanted our hubby's back.
You are so right. I do hope that all of our friends hubby who are in MLC get it before it's too late. It is so so sad to see how they have done so much damage to the family and cannot return.
I was always a person who could forgive and forget. I do forgive him. But I don't think I could ever forget most of the stuff he did to me or the kids. I would always wonder if he had that nasty side in him if I were to become friends with him again.
As for the house, I do hope you can move in. That makes me so happy to think that you could get it after all!
It was a sad post. More sad that he brought it on himself. He now realizes it. You still need to do what is best for you. He will come through the rest of the way on his own time. It is up to him to fix his own life now. You cannot help him even now.
Wow! he certainly has hit rock bottom, with a bump. It does sound as if your fears for his safety have abated somewhat, thank goodness. And how strange to find yourself in the position of giving him the speech! I have wondered too about the timeline for MLC but I have to say that your experience does seem to show that 3 years plus is about right.
Fingers crossed you find a way to get the house back, for you and your mum.
Sounds like you are getting out on the "razz" - great stuff!
Love
Jaybeexxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
If I were you . . . I would take the house, get it finished up, sell it, and get the h_ll out of there. It cannot be healthy for either of you for you to continue to live so close to one another and keeping up the entanglements on some level. Just the fact that you felt compelled to go over there or open your own door says it all. However I know your parents are near and that's a factor so it may not be so easy for you to pick up and go, but I do wish you could.
Karma.
Im not stupid though, even knowing thats the way he thinks , Im going to go for the house, for Mums sake, and because its what I want.
THIS house, that he hated so much, called a "dump", he now wants to live in 
Could it possibly be that its across the street, so he,ll stay connected to us and be around everyday? 
so I just wanted to go to bed, but he kept on and on and in the end I went over, I knew Id end up having to open the door to him here otherwise.
) and was really clinging on to me. I only stayed a few minutes, but when I was leaving he was doing anything he could to stop me, begging, standing in front of the door, etc, but never threatening or aggressive, I didnt feel afraid like I have before, he was far too pathetic and it was a totally different feeling. As I crossed the road, I looked back and he was just stood in the doorway, arms down by his side, looking at the floor. He looked dejected.
we both wanted our hubby's back.