H wants to go out and "talk" one night next week. Not sure what good its going to do at this point and not sure what he wants to say. He sent me several emails yesterday....all about how he's still upset about "this" and is trying to figure it out. I don't think its going to get us anywhere in a positive fashion. More like closure on the whole situation.
My feelings for him have changed. I don't trust him anymore and I'm not sure I want to try to go back there. I already did it once or so I thought about seven years ago. I don't have the energy to do it again; at least right now.
I love him for the person he is but I'm definately not in love with him anymore. I thought I gave and gave and gave myself 100% to him and us but just not in the way that he wanted. I am much happier being alone than I've been in so long.
At this point, I would only be going back for our son and as much as I want that, I know its not enough and it wouldn't work.
I just hope he continues going to therapy. I'm going to do the same. Who knows what the future brings? I'm happy with the here and now and that's all that matters in this moment.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I'm glad you are feeling more content and sad that your M is not working. I feel like you do i believe. there has to be some movement on their part for it to work. We are not solely to blame and we have taken a lot of abuse too. Maybe your h has some good news for you. Maybe he senses he is losing you and that is motivating him to change and look at things different. I get that sense Rosey, he knows you and if he feels you slipping away he might wake up. It is amazing how things have changed. I have seen you harden through this. you will do well, you have a good heart and you know moore about relationships now. Good luck today, 4
Rosy, You sound so centered!! I don't think I am in love with H anymore either...but I feel like crap everytime I really think about the fact that I was sharing my life with him one minute and he now shares his life with OW...I will miss my relationship with his family, I will still have one with them but it will be different. I would try to work on M b/c of D's but H is hell bent on a D...we go to court in two weeks...did have big conversation over weekend (if you haven't read it already!) told him I wanted it to work and how mean he is about what is in the papers. I think he listened...did not say much...said we would talk again...I think this was to get me off the phone.....we will see....I am not saying anymore I am so tired...trying to get out at 7 am with D5 and D1 is so much work alone...I am doing it but it is taking a toll on me. How long have you been seperated? I am sure you told me before...I am sorry for not remembering! Has any legal action taken place at all?? I will be seperated 4 months on 4/15...we go to court 4/17...why is he moving so fast?? H has no regard for anyone but him... I am going to therapy and she is soooooo good! She really puts prospective on the entire sitch. H refused any C at all.....probably b/c he doesn't want to hear the truth!
thanks 4. I am hardened up now. Not sure why. Probably because I successfully detached and now am rewinding the tape and looking at how crappy our relationship really was and how bad we treated each other. I will not go back there. Also, we've been together since we were 15/16 and now I'm realizing that wasn't such a good thing. We've lived life backwards. I know part of him will always wonder what else is out there and now that I'm getting a taste of being alone and how much happier I am, I wonder too. It's sad really but its happening for a reason. Doesn't mean we won't be back together someday but I don't see it happening right now.
mom, he's been gone for three months and he met with an attorney three weeks after he left and the d was filed on 2/28.
Yes, I do miss his family alot but am now seeing that I used to give myself 100% to all of them and now that this has happened, they have backed away from me so its sad but it makes me appreciate my own family and friends more than ever who have stepped up to the plate for me.
Your H may very well back off eventually. Keep up the therapy. I don't know what I would have done without it.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I tried rewinding the same tape except there is no bad...we laughed and had fun together... we were friends and at least what I thought was happy... So many people have told me they are so shocked by this...honestly there were no signs of this coming...not to me or the people that know us the best. H fooled his own mother. I think H doesn't want rersponsibility of a family so he just bolted...unfair and extremely selfish.... D5 told me H bought a new laptop computer...really?? H can't even give me a check every week to help me pay OUR bills! H will be in so much debt in the end! Oh well, not my problem as long as he doesn't expect me to pay 1/2 of his newly accrued stuff. Do you think I should ask him when he is planning on removing his clothes from the house?
mom, no, don't do that till you are ready. I've only asked my H a few times in the past week and his response was, "Well, I haven't really thought about it."
so, I handed him a bag on Sunday and I'm working on bagging up the rest. I dont' think he wants his old stuff. I think its easier for them to start fresh and my H has the money to do it.
but, you can bag it all up and put it away so you don't have to look at it. that might help.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I thought about bagging it up and putting it in the closet he has downstairs. Part of me wants to, he still has receipts, baseball hats etc...on his bureau, looks like he has never left. I feel like why should I exert the energy and "help" by packing for him? He has already taken the big screen tv, golf clubs and my stepsons beds...H does have new clothes and shoes...not sure where he is getting $$! H wants his bureau but I told him no b/c I am not seperating a bedroom set!
Thanks 4. I'm doing pretty well actually. H was over yesterday picking up S3 and I think he was trying to hit on me....yeah, I'm pretty sure he would have had sex with me if I initiated it...Too bad he can't talk to me and tell me his feelings. It's a total turnoff now that I recognize it. I had to tell him to leave at one point. I truly don't feel that much towards him right now; just remorse.
He called me this morning and said he tried to get into his therapist's office but they ended up closed for the holiday. I told him to write down what he is feeling; that always helps with me.
He was pretty sullen on the phone. I know he wants to get together and talk one night next week. I'm not sure if it will help. We'll see. I think he needs to continue therapy for now and I will do the same and I'm just trying to reassure S3 that we both love him. He's been voicing his own opinions pretty frequently this week and its heartbreaking to both of us.
How are you 4?
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
