In your relationsship, does she expect to "initiate" all converstaions between the two of you?
She does initiate most of them, come to think of it. I hadn't really noticed that, or stopped to consider whether it's an issue with her. Thanks for bringing it up. She seems pretty enthusiastic about most of our conversations when she starts them, and I don't cut them off or shy away from them at this time.
It seems that she's only interested in conversation at certain times, and the most reliable sign of when that is is when she's starting one with me. Also, I still seem to be carrying around the assumption that she's not going to be interested in a lot of the things I like to think about or would like to talk about... I guess Mr. zuzu isn't the only one that hasn't completely let go of things that happened in 1992.
So is it "fair"? You'll have to ask her. But just calling something "unfair" doesn't change it one bit.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Don't neglect your exercise, or your mindset will deteriorate slowly. Slowly enough that you won't notice it happening.
I backed off because of joint problems, and got treatment for that, and now it's time to get back on the horse. Restarting general exercise should give me the right mindset to keep up with my rehab exercises, and everything else. Without proper exercise, the "I don't wanna deal with anything" attitude comes creeping back.
She turned me down the last few times because she isn't feeling well, and swore up and down that she's not making excuses to get out of it. I never accused her, even in my head, of doing that... what got her started on that? What made her think she'd ever even be tempted to make excuses, or that I'd ever accuse her of it? Anyway, it seems these days she keeps getting closer and closer to two solid weeks of PMS, followed by almost a week of her actual period building up and then winding down, leaving a week or so per month when she's really feeling well. Not good. Her doctor said she shouldn't go back on birth control until she meets her weight loss goals, and she's never felt all that good on the pills anyway, so I'm not sure what else can be done. Maybe she needs me with a better mindset to rub off on her and get her motor running. Can't hurt. Well, it does kind of hurt this morning, especially when I go upstairs or lift something, but that's only because I've slacked off on the exercise too long.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/23/0703:56 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
I guess what I was trying to bring up is when it comes to her needs, do you make sure to NEVER intiate any of them since she never initiates your need. I would think that most women will expect that their husbands actually INITIATE their needs ro they will lose interest, yet they don't inititate sex?
CE Maybe she needs me with a better mindset to rub off on her and get her motor running. Can't hurt. Can't hurt but don't expect anything from her. BTDT See the Good Guy book/forum.
Yeah, it's definitely not an exact science. There's good reasons for that to be the case, but it does get frustrating sometimes.
I took a page from chromosphere's new playbook and did the "you know you want it" to break down her resistance. It took a really long time for her to really get into it, and she was in a good mood afterward for about 15 minutes. Two or three times over the following couple of days she'd smile and say "thank you" or "mmmm... that was nice", with an apparent subtext of "I wish I felt up to trying that again". I didn't push for it yet, because it really was a hell of a lot of work without a whole lot of payoff to get her past whatever's bothering her and I'm waiting for her to feel better. Again, her PMS seems to last longer than it used to, and I'm wondering if there's a medical reason for that or she's just worn down from living with a guy she's not currently all that attracted to who still wants to have sex with her. In the latter case, though, I guess she wouldn't be fondly remembering any encounters. Or else she's trying to reassure me, along with that "I'm not making excuses to get out of it. Really!" thing she's been doing.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/23/0706:14 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
OK, focusing way too much on her. Get my own stuff straight and she won't be able to resist me. But I can't do it with the aim of getting her in the sack, enthusiastically or otherwise.
I'm starting to think her attraction went down when I started stressing out about job interviews and mainly about deciding which way was the right way to go. She was super-supportive and worked really well with me... and lost respect for me? Is that all it takes? Or am I reading this wrong?
Now I find myself wondering along with cemar just what I need a woman for? Not emotional support, not if getting it from her means you lose her respect.
Again, I'm freaking out and overanalyzing her, which is not going to get me anywhere. Must get back to work and keep up the positive, confident, can-do attitude. Hopefully a week or two of strenuous exercise will get me back in the state I need to be for any sort of a genuinely happy life, with or without her.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/23/0706:44 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
How old is your wife? Just curious as to why you think that only relationship issues are at play. I could see that maybe at younger ages, but older women have a whole lot of problems to deal with.
I don't pretend to have any definite knowledge of whether relationship issues are mainly, or at all, involved. All I know is that my attitude and behavior are the only things I have direct control over, so control them I will in order to yield improvements in my life. These improvements may include an improved attitude and attraction on her part. Or they might not. Either way, they're worth doing.
She told me, again, that she's cranky because she's not feeling well, not because I'm doing anything to make her cranky. (Maybe she senses that I need reassurance? I should do something about that...) Also, she didn't want to be touched, but she did want to touch me. Seems like a good sign to me.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
She told me, again, that she's cranky because she's not feeling well, not because I'm doing anything to make her cranky. (Maybe she senses that I need reassurance? I should do something about that...)
Don't over think it! Maybe it's more about her. Maybe she's been reading here or a similar site and SHE feels a need to make sure you understand that her crankiness is not due to you. You don't have to own every issue:)
Seriously I tend to spell out my feelings like that too and it's not because Raven needs it spelled out but more because I like to be clear.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Don't over think it! Maybe it's more about her. Maybe she's been reading here or a similar site and SHE feels a need to make sure you understand that her crankiness is not due to you. You don't have to own every issue:)
I don't? Really? But what if I miss a sign that she's not happy and then everything goes to hell?
(Duh! Everything's not going to go to hell. She'll stick around or she won't, and you'll come up with a way to deal with either outcome. Have you learned nothing?)
OK, it's not all about me. I shouldn't pressure her to feel better or to reassure me. She should be able to get through whatever it is without me making it worse by putting her on the spot. If she's actually not happy with me, it's up to her to tell me... it's not up to me to read her mind, it's just up to me to stay awake, observe without probing or pressuring, and listen to her when she feels like talking. And put a lid on my constant craving for physical contact... no one can be expected to want to touch and hold me and be held all the time.
I proactively make a positive move which actually bears fruit (flat, rectangular, green fruit) and end up feeling more insecure? WTF?
Originally Posted By: fearless
Seriously I tend to spell out my feelings like that too and it's not because Raven needs it spelled out but more because I like to be clear.
I do that too sometimes (i.e., when I'm not irrationally afraid of being clear), and somehow I don't quite believe it when I see her doing it. Weird.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 07/24/0706:12 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
