Forrest Gump and his box of choclates.

[Forrest Gump]

I have not at this point ever posted my stitch. There have been many reasons not to but I thought I should go ahead and do it. This will likely be a long story.

I have been married almost 14 years. I am 36 my wife is 32. You could say we had a shotgun marriage. My wife was 3 months pregnant with our daughter when we got married. I was a pathetic husband the first 1-2 years of my marriage. I was still in party mode. I eventually came around. I became a good husband and my wife was a great wife. We clicked.

Life was good. We decided to have another baby. Wife got pregnant and we started looking for a bigger nest. I was unhappy in my current position and found another job. Son was born and 3 months later I lost my new job. We had a new house, a new boat, a new car, and were living WAY beyond our means. Needless to say we got to the bottom of the barrel thru the little hole they drill at the bottom.

I finally found another job (after finding a bunch of crappy ones in between) Things seemed to be ok. (Well in my mind I want to think they are ok.. They really were not) I lost my job again. About 1 month into losing my job my wife said she needed to talk to me. She told me that she had become involved with OM on an EA level. I was crushed. I wanted out. Emotions colored every decision I was making. She would not tell me who it was. Turns out it was basically my best friend and someone I had "let" her hang out with. I eventually did the fast forgive (NFC what to do).

I found a half ass job and we moved foreward. I became more aware of my surroundings and became very "snoopy". I started recording our home telephone. Guess what I found. Guess what I did.

So we will fast foreward a bit here to 7/6/2007. I had become an angry, jealous, distant man. I had thought about leaving on so many occasions I cannot begin to count them.

Her friend was getting married on 7/7. We met up at the rehersal dinner and it was just another day. I went home right after dinner. We went to bed. 2:30am I get woken up by her cell vibrating away on the dresser. I get up check it and see something I really don't like. I plugged the phone back in and went downstairs to try and sleep. 7/7 she comes down about 7:30am. First words are " You are a dick what are you checking up on me now" I had no idea what to do.

Long story short we fought. I left the house to do some work. She went to get ready for wedding. Later that evening I started drinking. This was something I had started doing months before to cover the pain. Drinking started me down the path. I started checking up on her. Nedless to say I did not like what I saw and flipped out. I packed all her stuff up in a suitcase and threw it in the yard. I called her Mom and Dad and told them to expect their daughter tonight.

I have to stop here for a min and say I was not the model husband. I was drinking ALOT and was having a EA of my own over the phone. I was also having a EA with porn. I have realized that my Love Language is physical. 110% physical. I have known that for a while but never really understood what that meant.

So back to the story.. Eventually my wife decided that she had had enough. She dropped the bomb. I responded with counseling. She went, I went. She wanted a seperation. She mentioned it at least 100 times at the first counseling session. So I decided that I should do that. I went home to Mom and Dad. Well that worked about as well as lead turds. Displace a 12 year old and a 4 year old to grandmas house. I was back at home in 1 week. My wife wanted to walk out but could not. Pull the pockets out of some jeans you just put on, Drill a hole in the pocket and that is what WE had.

I hope you have some more time on your hands cause now it is gonna get really long.

Crying, Begging, DR/DB reading, Fighting, Alien Talk, Not DBing, Snooping, Reaching out to the wrong people, Unresonable Reasoning all ensued.

What follows is something I have needed to do.... Pay no attention!!

I got blamed for it all. I was the distant husband that forced her to find all the OM in her life. They could all line up in a line and it would go around the building. They all have felt the loss of someone they truly desired.

Ok now that we have that out of the way...

I will spell it out for you. My wife is very attractive. She could have any man. We go places together and people say "How did you end up with her?" I typically just smile and play it off. What people never know is that inside I am saying "Because I am THE MAN" In being "THE MAN" I have distanced myself from my wife. Being "THE MAN" is a physical conquest. If you have not gotten it yet my wife is not a physical person. She is gifts and acts. See what most people (Men and Women) don't get is that what you do may not DO IT for another person. Your spouce may be showing you the way and it does not make sense to you. Me not doing little things like... Take a box, paint it silver, glue some stuff to it, and write a nice letter, was the same thing as her rolling the other way when I touched her.

I will say this once again I once recently asked my wife "How many times have you said to me I need "X" or how many times have I said to you I need "X". My responce and her responce was NEVER. We both thought that SHE, HE should know "ME". I will go out on limb and say I have been married 14 years and NEVER knew my wife. My wife has been married 14 years and NEVER knew her husband. Hence we are here "TOGETHER" I will say I have NFC what to do. She has NFC what to do. We both have NFC what to do together.

We have our house up for sale. It is our saving grace. I have a good job now. She is still involved in what I consider a EA. I have tried to drop a bomb on her because I feel the end coming. I see lots of good things in my stitch. I actually need to pay more attention to them. The weird thing is I have stopped snooping yet I can tell when something is going on. Trust me I am an emotionl wreck at times. My wife has taken to telling me "How I Feel". I know me. I know what I need. I have now told my wife I need "X". I feel she is not listening at times. Fair enough. I did not listen for a long time.

What I will say is if you are reading I hope you are listening. I have left ALOT of filler out. I am just curious as to what people will say. Me being a physical guy there just isn't anything that someone can say to hurt me. You can't roll over when I touch you. Point the fingers, call me out, scare me away. Ask me anything I will answer.

When I respond to a stitch hopefully you will see where it comes from. I am not good at talking. I am not good at showing you the way. I respond to the high points. If you are talking (Posting) I am likely not paying attention to all of it. I am looking at the high points. I will put my "spin" on it. Please don't take offence to what I say or ask. I know alot of people will say I am desperate and needing approval but that is just not it. Just say it. Not because I need it. I want it. I want to understand your point of view. No fluff. No BS just say it. Ok here we go..... Submit.

[betteroffvsmost]

Wow! What a post.

I bet you feel really good now you've got all that off your chest.

It seems you have been lurking around for a while now, so I'll leave all the standard welcomes for someone else to write.

your last paragraph seems to tell me you know exactly what I am going to think about your sitch, so I'm not even going to comment much about it. Hey...you are probably not even paying attention anyway, so why should I bother.

Funny that.....you even say you know what your W's LL is (I have NFC what my W's is....seems to be a bit of everything)....but much like you don't want to pay attention to any posts here, you don't want to pay any attention to your W's LL either.

You say your W is really attractive...and you are/were "THE MAN". It may have been a shotgun wedding, but is/was being "THE MAN" the reason she stayed with you all that time. Perhaps she just stayed with you for the kids. I don't know and you probably aren't paying attention anyway.

With all the information you have, you really do have a big advantage over any OM and you could really have a go at getting your W back......but maybe that is not what you want.

Your post sounds as if you are trying to convince yourself that you want to be the WAS. There's probably nothing stopping you. Is that what you really want? As long as you are like that, your R will probably be more of the same sh*t.

You have to decide what it is you want? I wish I had the opportunity to turn things around as easily as you probably could. I would be the first one to make the changes, especially if I knew what my W's LL was.

F*ck me! I bet you are great to have a few beers with (actually I'm not sure about that, you might just want to keep talking about yourself), but somebody near you needs to give you an effing good kick up the arse (ass). Either that or pull your head out of it.

You said I could just say it......hopefully now you'll get some posts that will help you.

[Nugget]

betteroffvsmost, don't hold back, tell him how you really feel. D*mn.

Forrest Gump. It may just be me, but I think he took your post the wrong way. Or maybe I am taking it the wrong way. My take is that you have been on the boards for a few months, lurking here and there. I know you have given out some great advice and several members have appreciated it and told you. And today you finally decided to post your sit here, since a few people have inquired about it. I am assuming you have waited until now to post it, because just as you are not the type to read through a post thoroughly, you are not one to spend time typing a post throughly either. But, you mustard up the strength to do so tonight. Granted it was very heavily laden with sarcasm, I enjoyed reading it and related to several areas in it. In fact I see several similarities between your personality and my own. You were brutally honest, maybe even to brutally honest, but all and all you got it out for all of us here to see and critique. Next time I post in your thread I promise to post about your R and not about your posting style, ok. LOL

[Lanzo]

Wow Forrest what an introduction, what a post!!

Now I can understand your style and where you are coming from, a lot of what you told me makes more sense now. I don't think I can offer you any advice at the moment cos you already know what you need to do. You have the tools in your box so use them.

Lan

[Forrest Gump]

Funny that.....you even say you know what your W's LL is (I have NFC what my W's is....seems to be a bit of everything)....but much like you don't want to pay attention to any posts here, you don't want to pay any attention to your W's LL either.

I have not payed attention to alot of things. I know what my wife wanted and really still wants. As with most WAS she does not know if she wants it right now or ever again. She has backed off from the OM or at least she is telling me she has. While my wife is very attractive she has placed her "value" in what other people say and do. Me being a physical guy I did not say or do much that tied to her love languages. She thought I should "know her" I thought she should "know me". My wife feels that she needs to find herself to truly be happy. So as we speak, we are selling our house and going our seperate ways. This is the last thing I want. I want us to work it out and she is aware of that. I have told her that she can take the sign down anytime she wants but she has to be willing to work on us. She knows where I stand. I know where she stands.

You have to decide what it is you want? I wish I had the opportunity to turn things around as easily as you probably could. I would be the first one to make the changes, especially if I knew what my W's LL was.

F*ck me! I bet you are great to have a few beers with (actually I'm not sure about that, you might just want to keep talking about yourself), but somebody near you needs to give you an effing good kick up the arse (ass). Either that or pull your head out of it.

You said I could just say it......hopefully now you'll get some posts that will help you.

I posted this way to show people here where my thoughts come from. I rarely talk about myself and have had alot of time to reflect on myself. Both in a sober state and in a not so sober state. I don't think I have anything up my ass but I will check again just to be sure. I know what to do but sometimes I fall off the wagon. I know what I want. I want my marrige to work. I never have not wanted it to work. I have thought I wanted to end it. In my emotion colored decision making times but something always kept me coming back. I just did not know what to do to change it. Cheeseless Tunnels. My wife has to decide if that is what she wants.

I have made changes my wife sees them, my family sees them, people at work see them. My wife does not trust them. Fair enough. I have a hard time trusting them at times. So I can't really expect her to jump right back in even though that is what I want her to do. It has been going well for me and we have made lots of baby steps. We have fallen back. We both read way to much into each others actions and thoughts. I have lived in the same marriage my wife has. I have had my needs not met just as much as she has not had hers met. She wants to leave I want to work on it. So to point out a good thing if she really wanted to leave she would have already. I felt I needed to post my stitch so people can see where I am coming from. As people comment and ask questions I can answer them and "fill in the blanks". Hopefully in reading this other people can gain some insight.

[Forrest Gump]

My posting style is brutal. I don't hold back much. There is alot of stuff that has gone on in my stitch so it makes it hard to condense down to a couple of pages. I don't wanna lose people reading it because it is 10 pages long. I just figured get the story going and add to it. It will likely still be 10 pages long but at least it won't be me doing all the talking.

[christarn]

Forrest...sorry you are here, but welcome and hopefully you will find the help you need. Are you and your w still living together....sorry if I missed that part. Work on GAL...I know you say you are the Man, but work on being the man she wants you to be. Things change as we grow, and mature, there was something special about you when you first married your w...that is what she is looking for and needs....take time and focus on you, that is the only thing you can control. Try to remain focused, upbeat, positive and be the best you that you can possibly be. Most important take care of your kids...they will really need you right now. Take care, and welcome, Christa

[littlebitlost]

Forrest.
Wow, your sitch really sounds like mine...me playing the part your W is playing. I hate to say that I did not realize how bad I wanted all the things I had until the threat that they might really be gone was there. I wanted to leave....NOW 6 months later...I want to go home so badly. I dont have a home to go bak to now..

I am going to go back and read your threads now. THen I have to leave to go out of town. Maybe the hotel will have the internet and I can log on tonite. HOpe so.

Have a good day YOU!!!!

PS I posted a letter my mom wrote about me and my situation...if you were interested>

[betteroffvsmost]

My posting style is brutal. I don't hold back much. There is alot of stuff that has gone on in my stitch so it makes it hard to condense down to a couple of pages. I don't wanna lose people reading it because it is 10 pages long. I just figured get the story going and add to it. It will likely still be 10 pages long but at least it won't be me doing all the talking.

That's what I figured.
Didn't mean any offence with my post.
It's you just wanted me to "say it"...so I took you up.

I really do wish you good luck.

[cliffy]

Gump good to see your thread alive. Man you are a random shooter, but suprisingly it makes sense to me. I cannot stick to one thought most of the time.