Seew22 Many times we can make poor partner decisions when we don't have are own stuff together. From the little bit that you have shared about your girlfriend I have to wonder if you're hoping to "rescue" her.
I know that it must be tough but you have too right now keep your boundary and insist that this is important too you and not continue with the relationship if you are not being treated in the way you think is equitable.
I do have to wonder what in the hell did you expect her to "work on" in a day?
Add me to the chorus of those that say don't get married but also let me suggest that you need to take a big look at yourself to see what your part in the current situation is and how you got into this situation.
One more comment, you are marrying her now for who she is, and that would be very LD. You would have no right to expect her to change since you know what she is. It would be completely wrong of you to marry her and THEN expect her to change.
Remember this point, the quality of a marriage is ALWAYS directly related to the difference in sex drives. Quality marriages RARELY have large discrepencies in sex drives. If both are high, great. If both are low, great. One low and one high, INCOMPATIBLE.
You must be fair to HER. You will BOTH end up resenting each other because you are INCOMPATIBLE. THis board is proof enough of that. You in effect must love her enough to let her go and find a man that will be more suitable for her. Why do you want to make her life a living hell?
She was depressed/sad the whole day and today, which made me feel terrible about it.
Fantastic! Now...close your eyes, remember how terrible you felt, and imagine feeling that way every time she pouts about how much you pressure her into having sex more often than she wants, which, by the way, equals zero.
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Spent the whole day trying to cheer her up,
Sorry, but I threw up a little in my mouth when I read this. Wrong answer. You should have walked out and had a great time with some of the friends you abandoned when you started dating her. It's not your job to cheer her up. What if I told you that the whole "depressed/sad" thing was merely an act? What if I told you that it was just her way of manipulating you into backing off from your postponement position? Did it work? I'm actually surprised that her "act" didn't include having sex with you just to try to show you that "poof", the problem is "resolved" and, hey, let's go to Target and register for some stuff! (Love the way that little UPC code gun goes "beep" when I point it at my favorite small appliances!) But then again, the fact that she didn't fark you shows me that she's more serious about this "no sex with you" thing than even I thought she was.
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I guess I was just hoping that she would be eager to work it out.
And I am just hoping that I've been dreaming for the past eight years and that, actually, I married a former beauty-queen nymphomaniac millionaire who owns a chain of liquor stores, but, (pinches his self) nope. Time to deal with reality.
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I can't imagine living without her,
oh, come on! You have an awesome imagination! Just read up there a few lines...you actually had some hope that she would be "eager" to work things out. If you can imagine her being eager to "work things out" (aka "eager to fark me on MY schedule, not hers"), which, frankly, has not even a tenuous connection to reality, then you should be able to imagine living without her. Geeze, man, don't be so selective about using the power of your imagination.
Okay, I just thought of a way to help you imagine living without her. Go and fill up your bathtub. It's okay...I'll wait. Done? Now, stick just your head in. Keep it in there. Don't be a wuss, stay under. Hey...no convulsions! Okay, it's been a couple minutes, come on up. (short break while Seew22 is intubated, resuscitated). Now. Take deep breaths. Get it? Compare.
I see that you wonder if you're pestering her too much. You are. Get out of the house. Go meet some friends. Let her deal with her own feelings instead of taking responsibility for them yourself.
Or, if it helps, think about it this way: If you really, truly love her, don't subject her to your pitiful "begging for sex once a week for the rest of my life." Let her go. Set her free. Hope and pray that she is able to meet someone with whom she is compatible. Give thanks for being able to recognize in time (before marriage) that you are NOT compatible with her, and that, in love, you have freed her from a lifetime of feeling inferior as a wife because she has failed you in the bedroom.
Well, I've explained the terms to her she knows them, I know them. I'm going to give her some space to digest, and hopefully we can come to somekind of compromise. I've also scheduled a therapy session to see if hearing it from someone else will help her understand my viewpoint better. I'm not ready to give up on almost 3 years without a fight.
The sound you just heard was of hundreds of readers of this post, and the authors of the responses, collectively hitting their heads on a wall. Clearly, you heard nothing. If you choose to move forward, consider yourself warned and don't look for sympathy when it goes the way it is universally predicted by those who have lived it.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
And I am just hoping that I've been dreaming for the past eight years and that, actually, I married a former beauty-queen nymphomaniac millionaire who owns a chain of liquor stores, but, (pinches his self) nope. Time to deal with reality.
Damn, I was ready to pack my bags and come stay at your house...sex, money and a good adequate supply of alcohol. {sigh}..as IC drys the drool off his chin.
Okay, I just thought of a way to help you imagine living without her. Go and fill up your bathtub. It's okay...I'll wait. Done? Now, stick just your head in. Keep it in there. Don't be a wuss, stay under. Hey...no convulsions! Okay, it's been a couple minutes, come on up. (short break while Seew22 is intubated, resuscitated). Now. Take deep breaths. Get it? Compare.
I don't know if he came up for air on time...but if he goes through with this wedding, what would really be the difference ??
I was curious about how well she gets along with your friends. Care to elaborate?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Well, I've explained the terms to her she knows them, I know them. I'm going to give her some space to digest, and hopefully we can come to somekind of compromise. I've also scheduled a therapy session to see if hearing it from someone else will help her understand my viewpoint better. I'm not ready to give up on almost 3 years without a fight.
Would you like us to keep your seat here at SSM reserved for ya? It's kind of in alphabetical order...I got a real good seat here...I got a couple of comedians in Hairdog and GGB to my right, and just to my left is the lovely Karen, followed by one of my favorites..Lill - she's the one with a little BBQ sauce on her cheek, {empty seat for Lill to prop her ankle on} then we got Martello and Mojo...with Mr & Mrs Nops to keep an eye on her Let's see...."S"...oh yes! that will put you down by RJ...watch out for her, she can be a tough one
The sound you just heard was of hundreds of readers of this post, and the authors of the responses, collectively hitting their heads on a wall. Clearly, you heard nothing. If you choose to move forward, consider yourself warned and don't look for sympathy when it goes the way it is universally predicted by those who have lived it.
DITTO A THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!!!!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
consider yourself warned and don't look for sympathy when it goes the way it is universally predicted by those who have lived it.
Oh, I'll be sympathetic... I'll probably have to slap you around a little first. *I* ignored all the symptoms and red flags. *I* went to therapy, sent him to therapy, and took us both to therapy AND workshops, too. *I* read a zillion books and articles. And note, if you will, my number of posts on this board.
I wonder what I would have done if anyone had come right out and told me to bail? I don't know.
I second NOP's question: what about your friends? Does she like them? Do they like her? And her friends, too?
Although in my case, all of my friends adore my bf and he loves my friends, too. He is a very charming, attractive guy. They don't know how emotionally wounded he is in private.
And I am just hoping that I've been dreaming for the past eight years and that, actually, I married a former beauty-queen nymphomaniac millionaire who owns a chain of liquor stores, but, (pinches his self) nope. Time to deal with reality.
Let's see...."S"...oh yes! that will put you down by RJ...watch out for her, she can be a tough one 
