Not sure how I would handle a one-on-one, face-to-face discussion with OM. I have spoken to W's OM on phone and through email. If I remember correctly, wasn't this guy once a friend of yours?
If the A has ended, then I'm not sure that a discussion with him will do much good, other than to appeal to him as a man to back off, end ALL contact and to give you and your W a chance.
When I spoke to W's OM I tried on a few occassions to convince him through logic that what THEY were doing was idiotic and destructive. He bought none of it because he, too, was lost in that fog that my W is in. The one comment I made to him that eventually rang true with him and finally opened his eyes was about how he was using my W's attention & infatuation to forget the pain that was caused by his own W.
Best of luck tonight!
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Yes we were friends, and did many things together as 2 couples. I guess the reason for me is just as I see in so many cases, the OM gone, back, gone back. The fog is still there for my W and I think she is scared of facing up to what she became and what she did so then it is easier to remain in the fog.
I have hours to prepare myself so we shall see, and ofcourse I will try to keep you posted. It will hard to come here from my home computer though.
So I met the OM at the club so we were in a very public place. I already had a drink so he got one as well. He said he was happy I suggested the meeting and then proceeded to tell me how he regrets everything and wishes that he could turn back time, that he ruined a friendship between him and my W, between us and between the 4 of us as couples. I said it is not easy for me and I am not a hating man, yet when I see him I sometimes feel hate and other strong emotions. We talked a little about curling, we used to play together so he watched me play a brilliant game just a few weeks ago and how he enjoyed it.
I felt real remorse and regret, not that it makes it ok, but I feel that he will most likely not re offend. The club started to get busy so other people joined us, he said maybe not the best place to meet, but now when I look back it was probably good because it broke up the meeting so to speak.
I told my wife when I came home and she was fairly emotionless, I think it is just another event in this whole episode and it is another reminder of what they did, both good and bad. I know she is still holding it all in, so I will try to be patient and wait. All in all, I feel better and I think it will help us in the long run re build our marriage and put this all behind us.
I have a feeling I will be seeing the OM soon for a follow up session,
Have a wonderful day and if you are in the north, stay warm,
I just wanted to share the following from yesterday since I think that it is quite important. I told my W that I was feeling a little emotional and that I was wondering why she had not read a letter I wrote her a week ago,
She replied that she thought things were moving along well, that we had a nice weekend and that she thought that I would tell her when to read the letter. All in all it was a classic case of getting our wires crossed and had I just assumed it all, I would have sulked and felt sorry for myself and that would have affected her and so on. I am not saying that I agree that everything is all peachy, but it shows me to be open and try and explain how i feel sometimes. I wish she would do it, but have to be patient.
I have not posted in a while, I have been a little overwhelmed with thoughts and mental images about the OM and W. Yet during the same time things at home have been quite nice, at times even loving in a way. Also, when I do have weak or emotional moments and even some freak outs we have been able to get back on course fairly quickly which is nice.
I think the greatest breakthourgh for me if you want to call it that is that with regards to the OM whom I see twice or three times a week, in case you wonder about my obsession there. Is that now I am coming to see how insecure and he is and that he does not have many friends and on and on. Not that one mans misery makes mine better, but it appears that it will allow me to move on in a way.
This is blabber blabber but so be it.
I also have been away because sometimes reading about other people it makes me so angry to read how selfish and mean the cheaters can be. I feel so sorry and so helpless and wish I could just reach out and shake some sense into all these wayward people. Especially where kids are involved. We don't have any, and I know my pain and hurt so I can only imagine how sad it must be for the children.
That is all for now, I have no idea what, if anything I should do for Valentines, I will not expect anything and just see what happens.
have a great weekend everyone and may there be some sunshine on each and all of us.
