Shall I just send W an email? - Hey by the way, your boyfriend is dating other women, did you know that? Ever think of STD's? What will your kids think?
Probably he says he loves you and only you, but can you count on him? You know he left his W, he abandoned his children. He is two-timing (three-timing) you right now.
Is that the man you want to break up your family for? why do you keep talking to this man? Why do you go and see him?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Maybe a better email would be - Look, I know we're getting divorced, but I thought you would like to know your boyfriend is already screwing around on you. Please be careful for the children's sake about sexually transmitted diseases.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
re-reading what I wrote, I guess I was not clear. I have known about the affair, for 18 months, but I thought it had been "over" for some time. (She said so) In actuality, it is still happening.
I lost my copy of DR.
What do I do about an affair that is still happening?
Maybe the email should be "It was a great gift for me, to spend time all together with you and the kids on Christmas, it meant a lot to me. thanks for making that happen!" (eg, don't mention the affair, which continues to this day as I learned tonight)
ps: we are separated, I am out of the house, she is still in it, she gets to do as she chooses.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Not much you can do about an ongoing affair. There are two different takes on how to handle it. One is to ignore the affair and focus on why it occurred by correcting those behaviours in yourself that may not have been a positive on your relationship. The other take is to highlight the affair for everyone involved that may have an impact on it. This site focuses more on the first but there have been a few, like chocolateyes, who have had some success with the latter.
The most important thing is that you need to separate your feelings (marriage) from your legal needs (divorce/separation). Seek counsel. Protecting yourself is a natural aspect of where you are at and may bring a smidgen of reality to your wife. Right now it seems like she's getting everything she wants with you out of the way so perhaps a little reality is necessary, especially monetary reality. I hope some of the experts can chime in here.
My personal suggestion is to protect yourself so that you are able to provide for your children independantly of your wife. She should face the consequences of her actions. Remember, that's my personal opinion, though.
PS. It's not unknown for soon to be ex-spouses to "butter up" the other spouse to get what they want in a divorce. Just let your lawyer deal with the fine details. Tell your wife you talk marriage, your lawyer/advocate talks divorce. That way you separate your feelings from the necessary actions and can focus any negative feelings about legal proceedings on the person being paid to protect your interests and the interests of your kids.
In your place, I wouldn't get involved at all in the details of your W's affair. There is no upside for you or your kids other than to make your W look like a fool. She is doing a fine job of that without any help from you. You will just look like a spiteful XH.
Document the behaviors of your wife's BF. Your kids should never go near a car he is driving. If he has unhealthy habits, you may be able to legally limit your kids exposure to him.
Hi sir. thinking of you. I know that this time of year can be rough with all this drama. Hang in there.
i definately agree with Nut. Exposing this right now will just make you look bitter. She's sure to say "you're just saying that cause you can't stand to see me happy" or some other such nonesense... Just leave it be. My own sister wouldn't believe me when I told her that her BF was flirting and hitting on my youngest sister. I had her best interest at heart and she thought I was jealous... whatever. They got M and he's still up to the same old stuff.
I think at this point (probably) people know about the A and since D is in progress, doing anything about it isn't going to help you.
I love how you talked yourself down. I know it probably would have given you momentary gratification to rub it in her face, but it wouldn't have gotten you anywhere. I like the last email idea.
Originally Posted By: SirPrizeMe
ps: we are separated, I am out of the house, she is still in it, she gets to do as she chooses.
Hopefully the attorney's can do something about this for you...
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
I know all about the pain of ongoing affairs. Sorry about that.
I think this is the time to ignore and treat your wife like a distant friend. Someone you would be polite to, but would also keep your distance as well. This might help you detach. Nothing good would come from outing her/cautioning her about her safety, I just don't think it would be the right time. You can't shelter her from her cheating boyfriend...
But.....kids first, kids first, kids first. Document and make sure they aren't around him when he is drinking, drinking AND driving, and that he is appropriate around them. Another poster here mentioned OM being in a towel around his kids, just soooo wrong...
