question about text messaging

[phbear316]

Hi everyone,

I have a question, some may know the answer, other may not. And that is ok.

I am trying to find out how do you access a Verizion wireless account if the account is in H's name.

I was tempted to create one of my own, but would it not notify him or would it not change his password to what i make it. I want to know how often my h is in contact with ow. I know i cannot get the message content, but i would like to know how often they communicate.

If any one knows can you let me know

many thanks
Phbear

[Indriel]

Hi Phbear,
Is the account in your name? If it isn't, if you access the info requesting the passcode, it will automatically send a text msg to him notifying that it is being accessed. I have verizon and tried to gain access, but couldn't get into it. If it is in your name, you should be able to look at phone records, but not sure if it shows text msg history. Can you get your hands on the actual phone sometime?
Ind

[Michael Mc C]

but why access the records? Your signature seems to show that you already know a hell of a lot. What good do you think will come of seeing the evidence?

I'm just asking. I have complete access to my wife's computer from any other computer in the house and most of our biggest fights have stemmed from my 'snooping'. Funny enough, the snooping hasn't gotten me anywhere.

I used to take the log file every night. I can't remembe the last time I copied it over. It serves no purpose. Our spouses will do what they are doing regardless of what we know.

I know how it is to need to know. To feel that you are catching them at something. But that will NOT solve anything.

I read a log a while back where my wife told a friend that she has a friend setting her up with a hot divorced guy, with kids, who has his act together. It drove me nuts. The truth is, she is going nowhere. Don't torture yourself with the information you're looking for.

Instead, accept what you already know (it's in the signature). Work on you. Your first step HAS to be focused on you and you alone.

This is my opinion. I know some have been successful in showing evidence and turning things around but that is a VERY rare occurrence.

[phbear316]

Hi Indriel

No H's name is on the primary account. We are on the family plan so H's phone is first then mine.

No that is the problem i cannot get the phone away from H. He sleeps with it, takes it into the bathroom with him even while he is taking a shower, so i have no access to it. I have been told that under verizion you can get a list of text messages not the whole message but date and times.

Thanks for the info
phbear

[phbear316]

Michael Mc C

Thanks

I know he has told me he is having an affair, I have started to gather information for myself. I have collected hotel bill that he has left in suitcases, etc.

I know it will solve nothing, but it was just for fact finding, and for information. I wanted to have it for my when i needed it to go to a lawyer.

I am not at that point right now to go to a lawyer, I still believe in us and that we can save our marriage.

I guess i wanted to have the information to show H that i am not as stupid as he thinks.

I snoop to find out information, like i found out that he was going to Florida for christmas, he told me less than 18 hours before his flight, with tears and such. It how can i say was easier for me to handle him telling me he was going because i had known about the trip since early November. He booked the trip in late October, I found out, the second week of Nov, by reading his emails, he hid it in a folder marked workout routines.

I know snooping only causes hurt for me, and i rarely do it, i do it more to protect myself. So it is not very often.

Thanks i appreciate your advice
phbear

[SueS]

phbear316-

I'll get on and post more later, but one thing I noticed right away is you said that you need the evidence if you ever retain a lawyer. Check your states laws on divorce. I live in a "no-fault" state. Infidelity means almost nothing here....or so it seems. I saw a lawyer a few weeks ago and other than possibly using it for a few minor details regarding debt, it's not an issue here. Unfortunately, a WAS can do what they want and their being unfaithful has no affect on the court decisions. It's a non-issue. Sad, but true.

SueS

[Ohio_Mark]

Let me echo what SueS said. My attorney told me that the judge that will hear our case is irritated when a party to the divorce accuses the other party of infidelity. He advised against going down that road.

[phbear316]

Hi

Thanks for all you imput, i have heard in NJ, that adultry get you no where, but abandonment of affection if you can prove it, is grounds for divorce. I have heard this. I have personally not spoken to a lawyer yet. I would prefer mediation, well actually i would prefer my marriage being saved.

I was just looking to have some proof, versus my word. I just feel my h will try to lie and say he did not have an affair, but he has been very open in telling me when he will be staying out overnight with her. He has done this two times now, once i have a hotel receipt for for a family friends wedding. And this past weekend he left me a note telling me not to wait up that he would not be home.

I know it most likely will make no difference if and when we get to that point (again don't want to) but i just want h to see, you did not pull the wool over my eyes, i have all this on you. Kinda like look you have nothing on me except loving you thru the hell you are putting me thru right now. Sorry rambling.

Thanks again for info, i will check back later on

phbear

[fooled again]

Hi phbear,

I completely understand your need to snoop, to gather information, for your peace of mind or for legal purposes. In a sense you are trying to exert some control over your sitch, since they say knowledge is power.

There is a major problem with snooping, and I can tell you with 100% certainty b/c I was there - it WILL drive you insane. The more you snoop, the more you find. The more you find, the more you feel the urge to snoop. It becomes an addiction. You find yourself spending huge amounts of time, energy, and maybe money (they have sophisticated computer monitoring software you can buy, hiring a private detective) trying to find more and more about your S's A. You become obsessed, anxious, and nothing else matters.

Just writing about it brings back those feelings to me and my heart starts to beat faster and I can feel the adrenaline being released into my system. It's no good. It won't help you. I didn't see it until I was in a very dark & lonely place in my mind, and even today, a 1.5 yrs later, I'm still tempted to snoop. I did not like the person I became.

But as soon as you let it go, you can focus on yourself, your needs, your own happiness. The others are right, you knowing what he is doing won't stop him - it just makes you look bad, and they get better and better at hiding things. In a way you are lucky - at least your H is open w/ you about the A and is not telling you he wants to work on your M, while he's carrying on his A in secret. My H lied to me about his A, told me there was nothing going on. I felt like I was going crazy b/c I did find stuff and when I confronted him, he lied. I didn't know what was reality anymore and I couldn't trust my own instincts. It was the worst time in my life.

I started to feel better when I decided to live my life, that if that's what he's chosen for now, and I can't stop him, then I have to take care of myself and my D. The moment I said I was done w/ him and went dark (I was totally serious) he started moving toward me. We still have a very long way to go, but that was the turning point - NOTHING else I did before that made any difference, and I thought I had tried everything, for over a year.

And one more thing, if you are able get through this and you and your H can start to work on your M, the more you know, the harder it is to forget. I found out way too much, too many intimate details, so that everywhere I go there is a reminder of my H and OW, everything I do I think about what he did w/ her, places & things I used to enjoy have been spoiled.

I wish you good luck with your M, but you deserve to take that energy and spend it on yourself - stop squandering it on your H if he doesn't deserve it right now.

FA

[phbear316]

Fooled again

My h just made it so easy for me to snoop, he left his booty call suitcase right out for me to see. There was the bill for the hotel. I scanned a copy for myself and put it back. I also did this with the receipt for a coach bag he bought someone but me for xmas. I still have not gotten a Christmas gift,

I have improved 100% in the snooping dept. I used to be consumed with it. Especially his phone. but he is smart he deletes every call log, text message, everything. I have given up, it just useless he takes the phone to the bathroom every time. And now i am starting to see a pattern of every night at 10pm he is either on in the bathroom or in the spare room on computer, texting with her i am sure. I just hope one day he will drop that phone in the toilet bowl, oh what a chuckle i will have.

I know things will not change overnight, i was just so hurt by a note he left me last week of don't wait up for me, i'm not coming home. thanks for understanding crap. I just felt if i could get the info, great if not its ok. I have the note.

Thanks again
bear