Time for truth and honesty for a new beginning

[phbear316]

Wow, seems my stitch locked for some reason. It usually locks around 100, but for some reason it cut me at 70.

HUH, probably tired of me whining. LOL

Well hope all are well, don't have much time right now for update I will be back later

bear

[Jeanette1120]

Well I'm glad to see the HAPPY FACE next to it!!

Shows alot of your growth

Hugs bear!

Jeanette

[W2G]

Bear,

A new thread.. and a funny happy face!! Do I sense a renewed you?

Just want to say hello and I hope you are having a really great day/week.

Oh, and with regards to living with H while going through this. I think it's likely easier to pick yourself up and act more "as if" when the spouse has left... but it's probably easier to DB and make visable changes when your spouse sees you every day. I don't know if that's true or not because I only know what it feels like to literally be physically separated.

I'll try to check in later.

[phbear316]

Jeanette, W2G

I decided since my last thread locked so early someone was trying to tell me something, something needed to change

So we went with happy faces!! Glad I made you all smile

I decided i was tired to listening to myself whine, so I decided for at least one week, I was not going to whine, or feel sorry for myself. Kinda like giving up something for lent, for those who are catholic. I was thinking about it in church on saturday about giving up something for lent and i decided i have given up a lot of myself and i have sacraficed a lot of me over H. So I decided I was going to stop or give up feeling sorry for me, I can give back more to others. Will this last, I don't know, My goal is to try this for one week. It may go to two, three, etc. Will i have a bad day, yes. I want more better days than bad days. My aunt also asked me on the way out of church how things were going and I said the same, she said, Oh I was praying things were better, but she looked at me and said, don't give up. My reply was no I am not giving up, not even close to. GOOD! she says, Good! Don't give up.

H has been different this past week, these moods only seem to last a day or two then back to the alien that lives in the house, but this mood has lasted one solid week. H has been very chatty, joking like old times with me. Helping out much more around the house, making dinner. Why and what is going on I have no clue. I will change nothing of what I am doing. I am still going to gym, shopping, errands, waiting for warmer weather so i can get out in the garden and down the shore. I still wish he would start to talk about us, but I am not going to push, not bringing up one word about us and R.

Valentines day is thurs, I have a two cards for h, one mushy one general. Right now I have no plans to give him either one. I will give him one if he gives me one. Most likely it will be the general happy v day.

My moms birthday is Monday, we usually try to go out to dinner to celebrate. Part of me feels bad going sat night (if this is what she decides, all up to the bday girl) then I stop to think, hey, he did this, this has been his choice not yours. I would prefer to go out sunday, less crowded etc. Still gives h the opportunity to maybe say lets go out to dinner for v day. In the past we never went out on the day itself too crowded. But my mom will come first, sorry H. Again H's decision to do this to us, not mine. I am tired of carrying a double amount of guilt, pain and hurt. I have enough of my own, don't need to carry h's.

Well thanks for letting me ramble, I have got to get some work done. Check in later

Hugs
bear

So for now no more whine, only wine that comes in a glass for me. LOL

[phbear316]

Jeanette

How are we feeling?!?!

W2G

Did you ever get that milk?

bear

[phbear316]

just got a phone call from H, He had to tell me something about someone and he is on his way home. He gets home and is getting the mail, and says oh there is a box for you from the credit union, did you order checks? My reply was yes. Oh h says, i will put them on your dresser. YIKES

My heart sank, Did I just blow it by getting a checking account? Have I possibly undone something good that may have been happening. My first instinct is to say something to him tonight about it. But NO, if H wants to know, h needs to ask me. Ask me why i have my own account. I have to keep reminding myself a stupid checking account is not and does not mean its the end. WHy do i feel bad, why do i allow myself to feel bad. FEAR, bottom line, fear. I am beginning to despise that word, (along with others) Has this pushed him away? Sigh, well i have to look at it this way, you are going to proceed with your plan of divorce now over a checking account? come on, a checking account. What are you going to do when you find out H, I have my own credit card.

You know I hope this makes h want to talk to me. Ask me some questions, lets have some communication about us. Ask me about it, why i have it. Talk to me.

My heart wants to think the past few days that ow is out, i may be back in good graces. But I also am well aware, that I cannot and will not get my hopes up. For i cannot confirm his status with her. Remember bear, there is still the possibility he may go out friday night and not come home. Sigh, one day at at time, one step. All i can do

bear

[sgctxok]

You did not push him away.l You're ok, honey.

If it IS over with OW......and I'll bet it is.........please don't feel you can go ba ck to the same old same old.

Please use it as a time to win him back. Not with sarcasm, not with having him pay a price for the hurt you've had....But just focus on the things that are good be tween you and used to be good between you.

If he senses he isn't pay a price, his love for you will so increase Bear....he has shown he is a man who feels the guilt....who as tried....albeit not enough....but some.....


this is YOUR TIME to be the HERO!!! NOW!!!

I'm praying for you. Im counting on you. I'm counting on God to show you clearly what he wants for you.


And Bear....no holding back, no excuses because HE has given you all that you need.

[ediemarie]

Hi Bear!

I haven't posted to you in awhile, just wanted to let you know that I'm following along!

Congratulations on the new account!!! You are going to love it. I had such trepidation about seperating our finances. I always thought that once married you had to have joint financing. I discovered, and quickly, that it wasn't the best decision for us and separating our accounts gave ME such freedom. It was a gift that H didn't even intend to give to me. Before you know it, you are going to love it!!

Nice job in giving up whining for lent. Great way to look at it. Change your thinking and your life will change. What else can you 180? Anything else that could use tweaking? What else can you do to become more independent?

Glad to see some improvements in your R. I can't help but think that the space you gave him a few weeks ago may have helped. How can you continue to give him space and still be present?

Praying for you!
Em

Keep the changes going! You sound so much better.

[sgctxok]

Glad to see some improvements in your R. I can't help but think that the space you gave him a few weeks ago may have helped. How can you continue to give him space and still be present?

What a wonderful concept....giving space AND being present!!!

[phbear316]

SG

Hi, I hope you are right, I did not blow it, or push him away. I just hope it is making him think.

I cannot let get my hopes up about it possibly being over with ow. I know i will just be setting myself up for heartache. And i don't want that

SG I have to tell you and i am being totally, totally honest. I have stopped all sarcasm, truly I have. Like i said, h has been joking with me, and even called me a wacko the other night. Cause i did something wacky, nothing offensive or mean about it. We were laughing about it. H seem more talkative, still not about us but talking. I feel the true test will be thurs, friday and sat. If he comes out with his "I'm going out line" Which means time with her. I will know she is still around.

SG I just am having difficulty with the focus on the things that were good with us. You know right now, i just don't know what was good with us. What did work what did make him happy. I just keep thinking h claims he has been unhappy with me and us for so long. I don't know what made him happy and what did not. I mean i know the reasons he gave, no kids, no school for me, etc..yada, yada, yada.

I am praying to god to show me, show me and help me what to do. To get him back. I need your help too. I feel like I am in a maze and i cannot find my way, I just keep running into a dead ends and I am running in circles.

As far as paying the price, he has to deal with that, I cannot make him deal with it. I have my own price that i am paying off per say.

What i need is for him to show me some thing has changed for him. show me h you want to try. I get no signals or signs from him. So how do i know if I am wrong in one move or right in another?

Which leads me to a question SG that maybe you can answer or not. looking for your imput. When does it become H's time to join in this renewal of us? Why does it feel I have to put in 1000% of me, and he is not putting .000001% . When will he get on the boat per say. Is he on now with being nice to me? Or is this just a set up? Sorry so many questions just what has been going around in my head the last few days.

I am just doing my best to drop the rope, let go per say. Living my life, It may not be full of glamor, constant parties, and going out. But I am leading my life with out H, even if inside it is killing me.

thanks sg as always for you imput and wise advise

bear