No, Ithink she definitely feels relief, but part of me now thinks. "why did i have that conversation and accept it was over ? If i'd just changed myself before I did that, I might of had a better chance". Thing is, that wasn't what we agreed. We agreed to play happy families for our boys so the sudden rush to get a lawyer etc just shocked me a bit.
I am totally being for me and my boys at the moment. Joking about with the wife and going to play it cool. Can only deal with me as others say. Hoping she speaks to her sensible friend soon as currently not really and just speaking to loads of women who are ante men !!!
..."why did i have that conversation and accept it was over ? ....
I did the exact same thing. Don't worry about that. That was in the past. Stay focused on today and your real goal.
Always ask "will this action bring S closer, or push S farther away" before any actions. Remember, some of the actions may be counter intuitive (You are dealing with Alien S).
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Every post I read on here and every response I get perks me up a little. It's nice (well, not nice as we'd rather not be here, but you get me) that we are all in such similar situations.
A few things that I cling to and maybe I shouldn't. Would appreciate what this means
W is still wearing wedding and engagement rings. It's a week since 'chat' so seems a long time to have just forgotten they are on to me. What would you think this means ?
W was a bit nicer yesterday and we had parents evening at school last night and it was very much as a coupe type of thing. Had a nice time there was no car conversation for the 5 mins on way home. Do others strugle with what to talk about ?
Before the 'chat' W would always talk about stuff a bit of a while away, this doesn't happen as much now, but it does sometimes and is still in the context of a family
I'm sure there is more in my head but I think I best do some work. Been spending so long on here of late. Hope to reply to other reads a bit later.
"why did i have that conversation and accept it was over ?
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Hoping she speaks to her sensible friend soon
I'm sorry, but you are still looking for miracle, one shot cures for what ails your marriage and it doesn't work like that. Reasonable friends don't talk people into staying in their marriage. You can't talk your wife into staying. If anything, it's worse to have any friends or family trying to tell her that this is the wrong thing.
People don't change because they are talked into it. Did you change when she was nagging you? No, it took an action on her part, truly intending to leave you, to make you take action. It will take prolonged, sustained changes to hope to make a dent in her determination to leave. It won't miraculously happen over night (in all likelihood). You have to show her someone she would be crazy to leave and still she will have to be the one to decide that it's worth giving the relationship another shot. She didn't reach the point of divorce overnight....she won't reach the point of reconciliation overnight either. And she might not ever reach that point...but you can't control that.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Many Thanks JM, that makes more sense of your reply on the other thread which I have just read first.
I'm glad I ask on here and get this feedback as I certainly think it's avoided me making any further big mistakes (so far)
I'm actually really enjoying the being me again as I haven't been for a while and also been unhappy and although I want my marriage to work, I'd rather I was happy again and the old me than what I had become.
book is due tomorrow, really looking forward to it !!
Anyway, mini update with some questions I guess. Sorry for not posting on others, it's more difficult at the weekend at home.
W went out Friday night and I did last night (hung over now !!!) and we have got on ok over the weekend so far in general. However, my wife has finally taken off her rings... what does this mean ? why now and not before ?
I was osrt of clinging to that a little too.
Also, we all have needs and I'm getting rather lonely. Not just S, but I miss those pecks, cuddles, muck around play fights etc. Have others ended up getting that elsewhere ? for the wrong reasons ?
Maybe i've just got morning after beer anxiety and paranoia as I often get. Might be better tomorrow.
Sorry to hear about the rings , thats always a bit of a hit. Try not to try and analyse what she does , you cant control it so its wasted energy.
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Also, we all have needs and I'm getting rather lonely. Not just S, but I miss those pecks, cuddles, muck around play fights etc. Have others ended up getting that elsewhere ? for the wrong reasons ?
If you hope to save your M you will best to stay away from others for a while, it sucks but you get used to it .
Physical excercise is very good for you through the stressfull times ahead , better than beer .
Also, we all have needs and I'm getting rather lonely. Not just S, but I miss those pecks, cuddles, muck around play fights etc. Have others ended up getting that elsewhere ? for the wrong reasons ?
My kids give the greatest hugs and kisses! Snuggling with kids is the best part of my day. (I always thought I needed this from W, the kids are doing an excellent job!) I don't even want Alien wife to touch me (I long for my old wife though)!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
No, no miracle and no real change but I spent most of yesterday with my boys on my own.
I got up a bit late as was out Sat night and W was out with youngest so I went downstairs with oldest (O) and WTF. It's snowing like the Antartic !!! (ok, not really but how cool. not seen it like that since I was about 10 !!!). So I had some brekkie, got me and son dressed and went out in it. W came back and Youngest (Y) came out to. Then went and got paper and Y went to bed.
O then went to a party so I went to my mums with Y and grandad had rang up for us to go round and build snowmen and I just played with him and nan and grandad which was really nice. O then came round as W wanted to go to shops with MIL so we went back out all of us and built more snowmen, had snowball fights etc.
We then went home and I did some chores, then made dinner and noticed W had text to say having food at her mums. So she came home gone 6pm in time for baths etc and bedtime. I then watched a cracking film at 9pm while W read and I was on laptop.
Cracking day, really enjoyed it. Kids are so much fun
Hey Aurthur, glad you had a good day! My D makes me feel better no matter how low I go. She really does have a spell over me and her smile makes everything seem OK.
My W took her rings off a while ago and has been dabbling with wearing other rings in place for a while now. After some time, you don't really notice it anymore. I have considered actually taking mine off now as she is pressing forward with the D, but whatever. They are just rings right? Take it lightly!
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