I am a sad puppy these days. I was so close to piecing, that I thought I was there. At this point TJ is scared, and back to wanting a D. That is after he gets an all clear, you got it together from a counselor. I think he has heard it from many sources, "you need help, man."
So I sit here, going dark. I believe it is the right thing to do. I can heal, and I can get my perspective back. I am combing over old material that helped me 2 years ago. TJ is classic MLC. He felt love for me and it scared him. I DB, and I have to say it got me to this place that TJ is so troubled with. This is all his problem, I know that. I did everything right. I was real with him. So now, I am going dark. I am not sure if that is a last resort, or if I am just close to the last resort. I guess I am going to Stand Silently.
I will not take any calls from him. I will not tell our D's about the latest developments, he will have to do that again. I will not assist in the D, he will have to do it again.
My nagging questions are these:
1. By being his friend, the D was dismissed. He was not ready to do the work needed to work on our M. It did work. Do I do this again, or go with my gut and say, he is beginning to cake eat?
2. After much thought prayer, and encouragement from trusted friends, I took a chance to end the D proceedings. It worked, but lets face it I am right back here. I told him that I believed in us, in him and thought if he gave us a chance, then we could be happy together...... so we were reconcilling...... but I was serving as a reverse bandaide, if you will, as he got out of the R with OW. Now, he runs. He changes his mind like a girl, and the tides will turn, but.../
did I interfer in his MLC? I just let him know my feelings and the way I see it. I really didn't think or know it would work, I was just satisfying a need in me to do everything I could to keep my M. I actually sent the voicemail from my C office, with his encouragement......
Overall, I find that leaving it to God works the best. Be the best Holly I can be, and enjoy every minute, and do what is right and good. If I trust him, I have a bountiful life, with or without TJ. I just trust that God hates divorce. He will move TJ to be a better man, and he is not satisfied with TJ's lack of faith and spirit. If we are best together, it will happen. I am just a sad puppy right now.
Thanks for listening, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Oh Holly, I don't know what to say but (((Hugs))). I hear your pain but I think you will do the right thing. TJ has to want his as much as you do. Is he gone back to op do you know ? Thinking of you.
No, I think not. He did go for a visit (flight and everything) I guessed that something like that had happened, and he admitted it. He also said it was a mistake. It is too complicated between them, and he does not love her anymore. He doesn't love me either! He doesn't feel guilt...
get the patttern?
I did tell him I wished he felt safe talking to me, and he told me he did feel safe talking to me. Ok.
This is not over. I know it. But it is so sad.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I did tell him I wished he felt safe talking to me, and he told me he did feel safe talking to me. Ok.
This is not over. I know it. But it is so sad.
Believe me, I know what you mean by "But it is so sad.", especially when he says he feels safe talking to you. He says he doesn't love you. But you and I know that love is a choice. He doesn't know it (yet). He's confused and scared. Try to persistently imagine the outcome that you WANT, so that law of attraction can work to your advantage. -PH
you know, I am hopeful that it is. I don't know, but that is my hope.
I keep hoping that Snodderly will come by and comment. But just now. I knew what she would say.
He is not done cooking yet. Get on with your life and your focus, and let him finish up alone.
Snodderly, I know you are right. I can do this. But the needy part in me seeks that age old question, well, how much longer?
No answer, but I take my healing a day at a time. One moment at a time.
Thanks for voicing your thoughts B. It encourages me.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Plenty, I do get the power of positive thinking. I am doing that, but it has taken a full week to get there. Thank you.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
lol