Thank You. I admire your strength and value your input. I am not sure about the After the LRT. I would love to save my M and work it out. She is in love with the OM and wants out fast but now realizes that the financial results will not be comfortable. So she wants to cake eat as long as possible. I want to force her hand.
Yesterday was another rough day. W took the kids to see the IC that I have been taking them to for months. She never wanted me to take them and never went with us but suddenly wanted to go because she is afraid that I told them about the OM and to get the IC to push me on custody. The W seemed unhappy with the results at best. I will talk to the IC today and find out the details.
She was on the phone with OM for 2.5 Hrs last night. It is becoming a 2-3 Hr/Day event with her to the point where that is all she does. I told her that she needs to start paying her private cell bill (and others)today. She should have been paying it all along.
I went out last night on a GAL activity and had a blast. I am doing so again on Saturday. I am avoiding "dating" but am interacting with adults, having fun and laughing once in a while. This sounds bad for DBing but I am really starting to see that things will be pretty good on the other side. I assume that this is being emotionally prepared for the other side.
I went out last night on a GAL activity and had a blast. I am doing so again on Saturday. I am avoiding "dating" but am interacting with adults, having fun and laughing once in a while. This sounds bad for DBing but I am really starting to see that things will be pretty good on the other side. I assume that this is being emotionally prepared for the other side.
Actually, this is what DBing is all about. DB is for YOU - you must take care of yourself first! You want to save your M but you are strong enough to move on if it is not saved. D is a piece of paper. Many couples have reconciled even after D.
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I told her that she needs to start paying her private cell bill (and others)today. She should have been paying it all along.
There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. She will have to pay her own way after D so she may as well start TODAY.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Mabey paying the bills will make it more " real for her" right now she can make any hurtfull hatefull desision she want6s and can still have all of the luxery of a marrage. ( sorry cant spell typing with one hand)
Another huge day. My STBXW moved all day on D negotiations, agreed to start paying her personal bills and we are very close to a D agreement. She is still on the phone w/ OM for 2-3 Hrs per day and this seems to be helping me on the D. We are down to one issue - Money. She thinks that I have to keep her lifestlye the same and support her (and OM) in basically the same way that I support her now. I told her that the kids are my responsibility - not her. She is having a huge reality check on the post D financial situation.
I think that we are going to get "stuck" very soon on negotiating the D and end up in formal mediation if not litigation.
She actually sounded like a human being yesterday in several conversations. First time in months.
E just keep doing hat your doing. As in being kind but not getting walked on. My W is the same way. she has a huge sence of intitelment right now. She cant seem to figure out why I have wants and needs I have to set on hold because SHE likes to spend to much.
I am in the "after the after the last resort technique". Which means push the D hard and build the pressure. Force her to see reality about this thing. Like in the book where you imagine that your spouse is gone instantly. She is now getting cold feet on the D because of the money and realizing that her lifestyle will change. What she really wants is to stay together in the same place post D and see the other guy.
Thanks. I have been gaining strength every day since I let go. It is still very hard to live in the same house. I crave alone time.
My W and I now agree on all but one item in the D. It is a big one but workable. She is getting really nice to talk to and has been flexible about everything in the D. She gave me compliments today, is calling me honey and dear and has expressed a desire to talk more often. The more that I push the D, the nicer she gets. This has been a huge 180 for me with pushing the D. I was riding along and not wanting to talk about much less do anything.
If I could only get this attitude WRT working on the M. She is in love with the OM so the best that we will get to is Stage 2. We are solidly there now.
Eagle - Can you identify what type of affair you might be dealing with here? You say she's "in love" - is she emotionally attached or is she simply feeding on the "euphoria" of this feeling? If they're talking as much as you say - it sounds like the latter. This doesn't last and usually ends horribly. What do you know about him?
Me: 41 H: 50 M: 15 years S14-D12-D10 S: 05/07 Back home: 08/08 EA: 4 yrs
Ex HS Boyfriend that is 8 years older, twice divorced (2nd in Dec)and unemployed. I believe that they went from an EA to PA in the last few months and are hooking up again in late July. He lives about 1,500 miles away. The A is the reason for the D. She is absolutely obssessed with the OM. I think she may just leave me and kids to be with him. She wants him to move here ASAP.
