I've not had a lot of "alone" time to be on here. H has been around quite a bit. I needed some time not thinking about "stuff" to try and get my head back together.
The netherworld is easy to be on for a quick break at work. This is not so easy. School is getting ready to start, students start moving in at the end of the week, so we've been busy.
Currently H is up at his brother's house about 5 hours away. He left yesterday. He should be back Friday night.
We seem to be at a standstill in regards to him moving home. Every condition he set for himself to moving home, is no longer in the way, yet he will not commit to it. It's funny, a month ago I was afraid he was just going to do it without discussing anything, but I was waaaay off base there. He wants to be here 90% of the time, but he doesn't want to just do it. In his head its like he thinks once the house is sold, we will move back in together. I told him that's not how it works. If he can't live with me in our current home, then he's not going to be able to live with me in another home.
We have a lot of good interaction, a lot of good quality time, but there is something holding him back. I think I just needed to let my mind let go of all this "junk" for a little bit.
Sometimes, doing nothing can be healthy. Gives you a much needed break from R issues.
Things sound like they're going fairly well, which is really good to hear, though I'm sorry it seems H is still a bit apprehensive. Maybe since everything seems to be better than what it was before, he's hesitant in taking that leap for fear that something might mess it all up again. Who knows?
Aside from that, you sound good - and busy! Hang in there, lady!
(((((Amy)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I agree that the location should not affect your interactions. But in reality, it does.
It represents a fresh start instead of old problems. A new place will feel different mentally/emotionally.
And above all else, time and patience. Something emotional is holding him back, and he will need time to work through that. Maybe he feels it's going too fast or too well?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I agree that the location should not affect your interactions. But in reality, it does.
It represents a fresh start instead of old problems. A new place will feel different mentally/emotionally.
Yep. I remember shortly after the bomb when my H suggested we move. He actually wanted to move out of state, away from family! I couldn't do it. My support system - my family - is here. My H is my family, too, but at the time, I just couldn't agree to it.
But I did get what it meant to him. Even now at times. He will occasionally say things like, "We should rent this place out and get a bigger house. Something newer. Get a fresh start."
Quote:
And above all else, time and patience. Something emotional is holding him back, and he will need time to work through that. Maybe he feels it's going too fast or too well?
It's like the saying - "If it seems too good to be true....."
What's it going to take to 'convince' him? Patience and consistency - reassurance through showing him all these positive changes are REAL.
(((((Amy)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I haven't been posting on my thread because absolutely nothing had changed. NADA. ZIP. That is until Friday night. Let's just say too many glasses of wine and a frustrated Amy do not a good combination make.
H has still been reluctant at committing to coming home or going beyond what we were doing. Our communication has improved leaps and bounds, he has had several AHA! moments that were awesome. They moved us much closer together. I probably could have kept doing what we've been doing for awhile longer except for one thing...he is here enough nights during the week, that I was tired of sleeping on the floor and refused to do so anymore! And yes, I mean sleeping on the floor.
The bed I've been using since H moved out is a nice bed, it's fairly new. But for whatever reason, the frame squeaks really bad any time you move when you're in the bed. If you're sleeping by yourself, you don't really notice it, but if there are 2 of you, it's noisier then heck. Well, one night when H was here spending the night, and wasn't able to fool around because the bed was too dang noisy and we didn't want D17 to hear, he got the bright idea of moving the mattress to the floor. That has become his modus operandi now when he spends the night. Once in a great while that's not so bad. But 5 out of 7 nights it sucks! There is NO support to the mattress then and I wake up with an aching back.
Sooooo...Friday night one of my co-workers had an open house type thing to celebrate the leader of our school resigning. (it was an awesome day when that happened). I had 1 too many glasses of wine. I have no idea how the conversation started with H, I couldn't even tell you everything that was said (TOO MUCH WINE), I just know we were laying on that darn mattress on the floor and I just knew I had had enough and I was done. I was done sleeping on the floor, I was done working on our marriage, I was just plain done. I gave H an ultimatum and I knew I was fine with the ultimatum. I wasn't expecting him to move home the next day, but I knew I needed a time frame of some sort, because we were pretty much living life like were were together again but the way were were doing it wasn't working for me.
I remember apologizing for doing this while I wasn't sober and late at night when we were both tired. He told me I didn't need to apologize that everyone hits a breaking point and he knew I'd hit mine. We didn't come to any decisions that night, in fact I was pretty sure that when morning came, I would be telling him goodbye. I knew I'd hate it, but I also knew I was going to still mean it and be ok. He did tell me that he couldn't imagine my D and I not being in his life, but he didn't think he was ready to come home. He told me that he didn't think there was anything better out there, he just wasn't sure he could recommit. He reminded me that at one time I had told him to come home for 3 months and if he still felt the way he was I'd move out and he wanted to know if I still meant that. Now when I said that, it was after coming home to my house being cleaned out and reminded him of that fact. I agreed that I would still do that though. I also told him that if he was coming back home without being 100% committed, then I didn't want him to come home, I would move out now. I know there was a lot more said, but like I said basically I went to sleep thinking we were probably done.
I got up before him, made my coffee, then he got up. He asked me to come sit by him on the couch because he wanted to continue our conversation from the night before. He stated again that he just couldn't imagine us not being in his life. He couldn't picture it. He said he was still nervous about recommitting to coming home, but he didn't want to lose me, and he also thought that this time around things will be different because we've both grown and he wanted to move home next weekend (the 25th). We have spent the last 2 days (yesterday and today) talking about what we both want, need and expect. And I am going to have to finish this later because he is not giving me space at the moment to think.
He's moving back! That is such great news and I am happy for you! It sounds like you both are continuing to communicate very well - awesome!
And I'm glad he is being considerate of D17 (not wanting her to hear anything ). I remember when I was that age, and sometimes I could hear things I REALLY DID NOT want to hear ! *Gag* LMAO!
Great to hear from you again!
(((((Amy)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
). I remember when I was that age, and sometimes I could hear things I REALLY DID NOT want to hear 
! *Gag* LMAO!