Jack, I'm waiting your response? SG locked my thread because I had to respond to nonsense.
Some of you have the inability to follow simple directions. If you are not going to post to me, then don't post. Don't bog me down with details. Please just support me. Don't ridicule me...
Forrest Gump seroiously you are banned from ever posting to me again.
You seemed to have taken a turn for the better, but now this.
First of all--your thread got locked because you were inappropriate and mean-spirited (again) to those who have been trying and trying and trying to help you.
Second of all--you didn't "HAVE TO" respond to anything in the way you CHOSE to do so. You don't seem to grasp that you continually blame everyone else for your behavior.
Third of all--it's beyond me why people still try to get through to you. At best you argue, at worst you ban them from your thread. How many people have quit posting to you?--gotta be near a dozen! And they're telling you that your behavior and responses to them are childish and inappropriate and they're no longer going to open themselves to your lashing out at them. But you don't seem to get that, either. No one is ridiculing you. They are simply trying to get through to you. What kind of support are you asking for, Phil? No one here is going to say, "Poor Phil, his wife done him wrong and he's such a great guy, a wonderful humanitarian, how could anyone not want to be married to him?" Believe me, folks have better things to do than get chewed out while trying to help you, but they honestly care and they put themselves out there, and you turn on them if you disagree with their well-considered replies.
The thing is, you probably have a better chance than most people on these boards to salvage your marriage, but because everything has to be done on your terms, you're squandering a zillion opportunities. What on earth do you want from us, Phil?
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
He wasn't trying to help. He asked an irrelevant question and I told him like it is. Then here we are getting off track. Guess what else I don't have tolerance for besides the wicked?
Nonsense and stupidity...
Guess what else hoosier, read some of my other post to people. I'm obviously listening to every word everyone says.
What do I want from this community. How about compassion! Keep me positive so I can keep this lighthouse lit.
Jack, my last sentence was not a bait. It is me telling Forrest once again to go away. Now the moderator should see that and ask him to not post.
Journal: I get home and hear the dryer running. The washer and the dryer is running. Looks like I just missed my family because the timer on the washer just started.
Now I have a decision to make. Do I stay home and make myself available for her frequent visits tonight or do I leave and go do something.
When is the BS going to start with her texting. Do you want to see your kids? More like when can I dump the kids off on you so I can be by myself. She'll ignore her phone and texts from her children. Then she'll just show up late to pick them up. Then I'm supposed to act like nothing is wrong with that.
When you address them again and again, you bait them...knock it off. Respect is when you request. Moderators and administrators ban.
Now I feel you are disrespectful to hoosier.
You are LUCKY and BLESSED to have these folks posting to you.
One thing I found out years ago when my counselor at the time suggested group therapy: part of the reason for group therapy is for you to build temporary relationships and eventually you see each other's behaviors when you're happy, when you're irritated, etch. The other folks observer your behavior and can call you on it in a group and you can learn from it.
We experience that here on the board as well. And what we are observing in your behavior is that you have an edge.
I would bet your wife and children experience this with you as well, especially from the various things you say in your posts.
If you want to post here, you must be respectful.
Even more importantly.........if you want to save your relationships......LEARN from these great folks who have taken from their time, heart and intelligence to help YOU.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
It didn't matter my take on the laundry. It was a reoccurring issue in your threads one that seemed exaggerated in how much it upset you; a button. It matters what the laundry actually represents to you, to figure out why it bothers you so much.
Its not that she is doing laundry in your house. It matters that you feel she is checking in on you and snooping, and that pisses you off.
Help you today...
People treat people they way they are treated; eventually.
Fuel...burn up your anger first.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
He wasn't trying to help. He asked an irrelevant question and I told him like it is. Then here we are getting off track. Guess what else I don't have tolerance for besides the wicked?
Nonsense and stupidity...
Guess what else hoosier, read some of my other post to people. I'm obviously listening to every word everyone says.
What do I want from this community. How about compassion! Keep me positive so I can keep this lighthouse lit.
Jack, my last sentence was not a bait. It is me telling Forrest once again to go away. Now the moderator should see that and ask him to not post.
Journal: I get home and hear the dryer running. The washer and the dryer is running. Looks like I just missed my family because the timer on the washer just started.
Now I have a decision to make. Do I stay home and make myself available for her frequent visits tonight or do I leave and go do something.
When is the BS going to start with her texting. Do you want to see your kids? More like when can I dump the kids off on you so I can be by myself. She'll ignore her phone and texts from her children. Then she'll just show up late to pick them up. Then I'm supposed to act like nothing is wrong with that.
You can choose to see it as asking an irrelevant question, or you can see it as trying to clarify what you're saying. You have used jargon here from time to time, and folks have asked you to clarify your meaning. I read it as perhaps some jargon-clarifying. When you attribute a negative connotation to someone's statement or behavior, it's called projection. It will most generally lead you down the wrong path, so it's very helpful for one's growth to know when you're doing it. You do it a lot, Phil. This was an example.
Sorry, Phil, but you certainly do NOT appear to be listening to every word everyone says. Or you may be listening, but disregarding good advice because you seem to believe you are wiser than anyone else here, and arguing and spewing nastiness at the people trying to help you. That's not really listening, Phil.
You have received tremendous compassion from this community. Probably more than you deserve, given how you have disrespected so many people here. And you know what, it's not our job to "keep you positive." Your feelings are not our responsibility. That's a critical concept, Phil. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings. No one can "make" someone feel anything. And feelings are neither good nor bad. They simply are. What we DO as a RESULT of those feelings can be good or bad, and we are also responsible for what we choose in that regard. No one "MAKES" you do anything if you become angry with them--if you choose to smack your wife in the face, she didn't MAKE you do it. We can offer you advice, encouragement, support, compassion--and we have--but we cannot "KEEP YOU POSITIVE." You've got to work on that yourself.
Your wife does more laundry than anyone I've ever heard of in my life. And you mention laundry in almost every one of your posts. Whoever made that observation wasn't trying to be a smarta**. There is some significance to the laundry, Phil, and the sooner you give that some thought the wiser you'll be. I don't know what it is--I don't live there, don't know your wife, etc. But I'll bet if you try to think somewhat symbolically, and don't project bad intentions, you will begin to understand why she is there daily doing laundry, and why it's such an enormous issue to you.
OK, your last paragraph? You are already deciding what she's going to do wrong in your eyes tonight and getting upset about it. And it hasn't happened. It's unfair to blame someone for something that hasn't yet happened. And it adds to your stress level tremendously. Perhaps you feel as if you're simply making a prediction based upon past behavior. But that's not all you're doing--you're acting "as if" she will do things you're unhappy with. What would happen if you acted "as if" she wants you to be able to see your kids, and have them see you, every day as you have expressed a desire to do. What if you acted "as if" she'll be on time, at an agreed-upon time, and plan for the kids to phone or text her--once--and she'll reply. Doesn't that already feel less stressful, less antagonistic? Do you think she might respond to you in a different way if you expected the best, instead of the worst?
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Nope, because you know I came home and I wasn't going to put up with the visit or the opportunity for her to dump the kids and go have fun.
I went golfing. At 7 my son left me a voice mail just to say hi and he didn't want to stay with me tonight. I called back a 1/2 hour later to talk to the kids. Daughter doesn't even care she is watching TV and eating ice cream. Son talks on the phone but is very hard to understand. I ask for his mother. She gets on the phone. I tell her that D's game is on Wednesday at six. I have to go out of town on Tues. So see if she can work days that day. Ok, she acts where are you. I don't tell her. I went freaking golfing, but she doesn't need to know that. Then she asks if I want to see the kids. I said well I'm not home right now. BOOM she hangs up. Doesn't even give me an opportunity to work something out.
I call back. No answer... I try again, because I thought the call was dropped. No answer. I wait five and call back. Son answers. Talk to him for ahwhile. Then talk to D again. They are not interesting in seeing me. I ask to talk to their mother. She gets on. I ask did the call drop, or did you hang up. She said I hung up. I said well you could have at least said good bye. Then she says I'm busy. I said ok talk to you later.
I stay out.
I come home... She came. Laundry was taken dryer still warm. My clothes are in the basket unfolded.
I start folding them. Find a pair of her underwear in there.
Yeah she is playing games with my head, has been. Well sorry baby... I love you but I'm not intertested in crumbs.
I asked her when she left to leave me an intimate. Was this her way of leaving an intimate. They are not even that nice. I mean they are nice, but not something you could get a bunch of nerds to pay a dollar to look at.
Yeah pretty in pink...
No, I know why wife. I know what she does. I can read her like a book. I know what she thinks before she thinks it. Except now... Well I know what she thinks when she comes down from the clouds that is...
I'm not available to her whims. She needs to start respecting my schedule.
Hang in there phil, I know you can do it. Folks here mean well so if something rubs you the wrong way, practice "water-off-a-ducks-back". C'mon man...if you can't ignore us when we irritate you how you gonna ignore the W when she stirs stuff up with you?
I wish you the best man. Focus on you. Detach and be happy.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
