A Rough Year Continues.... 4

[TwinDad]

((((((Hope))))))

Sorry the alien came out again....sometimes they can be such jerks. I am glad the rest of the day went ok. When he talks like this does anything preceed it? (i.e. do you guilt trip him). I understand the "macho" think from his perspective, don't agree with it but I understand it. I did feel it was nice that he brought dinner. The approach I take in these sitchs is when my W decides to go out with the girls and have a couple of drinks, I assume she will not be home till much later (despite what she might say). I then start to look forward to the evening....what am I going to do after the kids are in bed. If she comes home early....great....else I have a fun evening planned.....sometimes I get a little disappointed when she does come home early....lol....but I always let her know I am glad to see her.

[Kenny]

My Fifteen year anniversary is coming up on the 10th September.

I dont really know what to do. Its a big thing for me, but w will still be too alien at that time to acknowledge it based on her rate of transformation back to human.

I am truly sorry for you too that H is treating you the way he is. How they cant see the hurt the cause is beyond me.

Its just wrong.

Thinking of you and sending good thoughts

[1hope]

I am pretty sure he was feeling guilty about the timing of the anniversary. We were talking about someting else, baseball tickets that I had bought so we could attend a game on his birthday. He said "then it's the next weekend that I will be up north for the golf outing." I said, "well our anniversary is on Friday," and he said "actually I think we are leaving Thursday because we are golfing on Friday."

So, I would guess it was guilt. He hadn't put the dates with the numbers yet. When he figured it out he tried to down play it.

I really didn't have a hard time with it last year, because I did not feel well, and I didn't feel much like celebrating. Our anniversary was on Thrusday, but the guys did not leave til Friday. We were still together at home. HOWEVER, that weekend was the first one that the EA was up at the same time all the guys were, and partied pretty hearty with my H at the bar. It was the very beginning of their R, I am sure. So I am sensitive to that timing.

And this year it is our 10th anniversary, and that is an important event to me.

However, it is still more than a month away. If I can keep making positive DB steps, he may figure to do something ahead of time for us to celebrate.

I am working hard at not having expecations. That is a hard one for me.

[TwinDad]

I am working hard at not having expecations. That is a hard one for me.

Honestly, I think everyone has them...it is a matter of how we let it affect us when they go unmet.

I hope he comes through with soemthing for the anniversary....PMA

[1hope]

I hope he does too. The 10th is a special one in my mind.

It is over a month yet away, so if we keep making progress like we have, he may do someing.

I will keep up the PMA.

[TwinDad]

Hope,

Just checkig to see how you are doing today? Hope all is well

[1hope]

I'm doing well. How about you?

Had some nice communication with my H yesterday and the opportunity to have lunch with him during the day again.

He called me on the way home from work and said that he was going to stop for a few drinks, and wanted to let me know because he thought I might be waiting for him.

That was a good thing, and I thanked him.

He called me later in the evening and said that he would bring dinner home for both of us, so even tho it was after 9, I agreed.

He came home about 9:30 and we shared a late supper and then went to bed and watched the rest of the baseball game.

Wonderful calm and communication. Some changes on his part, I will admit, but mostly changes in how I am looking at things so he will feel good enought to in turn make the changes that he has.

I thank you for sharing your experiences, the way that you reacted and how you looked at things when your W went out.

It works!

[TwinDad]

No problem, it was something I had to teach myself. Before when she used to say she wouldn't be late (7-8) I would expect her home at 8:30 at the latest. I used to get very mad when she wouldn't be home by then or at least didn't have the courtesy to let me know. Of course that would come out in one form or another. Now she comes home earlier and earlier. If our IVF is successful then I won't have to worry about her having a few drinks for quite some time....lol

The last time she went out and came back extra early, I almost sent her back out so I could enjoy my "me" time.....lol (I didn't of course)

It is good that he called later in the evening and gave you an update/expectationa dn he was sensitive to your feelings. That is a good sign that he is starting to respect you more

[1hope]

Yes, I've been feeling it in other little ways too.

We have been in the hot tub together the last two mornings. Yesterday he brought out a towel for me and both days he has gone in an then come back out to refill my coffee cup.

Can you believe it?

[TwinDad]

Excellent Hope,

Remember he is trying and this is still an effort......reciprocate, show him his efforts are noticed and appreciated. That may mean doing something nice for him or merely not giving him a hard time if he goes to have a couple of drinks.....true giving