I didn't think I needed to journal - but I was wrong. This not the right time to stop.
I am not okay. Ironically I am okay in the sense that it is okay for me to not be okay for now. I need to be okay when I get back on September 6th. And I booked the vacation as quickly as I did b/c I need to be okay by early September.
I broke out in hives earlier this week and my stomach feels raw. I have no appetite - very unusual for me.
A neighbor saw me on Saturday and asked me what was wrong - she said I look like a walking zombie. A total stranger at a restaurant walked up to me asked me if I was feeling okay. I don't have dark circles under my eyes - I am just very very tired and I think it shows in my demeanor. That is when I came home and booked my trip immediately.
I am so mentally exhausted that I can't sleep. Very unusual for me - I usually fall asleep w/in minutes of my head hitting the pillow. I am not thinking but my brain is too tired to shut down.
And there have been changes with respect to humongo client - that I simply do not have the energy to be clear headed enough to deal with the changes right now. However, there is nothing can't wait till I get back. Essentially the IP group is dying and there is an exodus of in-house attorneys going on.
That is not a bad thing b/c they are going to other potential humongo clients that will send me work. I will need energy to establish new R's - but I have at least a month before I have to decide anything. I do not have to decide anything today.
A friend that is editor of a publication asked me to be a co-editor on a bar association publication. It is easy work with a lot of visibility and makes me look more important than I am. Nothing needs to be done before September.
I have enough contacts at other humongo clients that I can pursue - I just haven't b/c I simply did not have the capacity to take on more work.
I am financially sound and can survive 6 months to a year if worst case - I have nothing. That happened once post D when the Nutty Partner fired me w/in three weeks of my legal D and I survived. This is nothing like that.
I have spoken with the new adoption agency I found out about at the seminar. I interviewed the head of the agency last week. This is a good fit. She is in her 60's now. She adopted three children from India as a single mother - the first one when she was 45. We have discussed strategy. Once again - there is nothing that needs to be done before I get back from my vacation.
I have standing job offers from multiple law firms and two large corporations - so it isn't like it was post D where I use to post about my fears of ending up under a bridge.
I am completely caught up at work - all invoices, all admin work.
All that remains is grunt work. I am not doing my normal level of quality - but it is good enough.
There may be other unsettling news with respect to work - and really I need to just let it go and worry about it after my vacation. The last time I checked there is no relationship between how much one worries and results.
Life is good. I just need to rest a little so that I am able to appreciate it. There really is nothing that needs to be done today that can't wait till after my vacation. I want to get some of the grunt work out of the way - but if I really don't feel like doing it now - it can wait till I get back. I need the type of rest where I am away from everything and anything that requires me to make a decision - not matter how small that decision.
I guess life is good b/c I can afford to not be okay till September 6th. And I have already set events in motion to make sure I am okay by the time I need to be okay.
A friend that is editor of a publication asked me to be a co-editor on a bar association publication. It is easy work with a lot of visibility and makes me look more important than I am. Nothing needs to be done before September
Very good way to network. Outstanding.
Enjoy any scuba diving. Work will always be there sounds like you need to clear the head otherwise in the long run you will be less effective.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Hi AG.... this sounds like a lot of stress related to Sept 6th manifesting itself in a breakout of hives. Vacation sounds like a good quick solution. What do you think you need to do in future to be handle additional stress? Can you talk with someone about what's happening on the 6th.? Cheers .... Soup
P.S. We took Jayce to the Vet specialist in Toronto yesterday. We're supposed to pick him up on the 27th. He was "purrrrring" when we left him. Kool cat that Jayce. :-)
You are addicted to the bb. It has nothing to do with DB. You need to get back to the counsellor but I'd recomend a new one. The one you see sounds like a "play therapist". It is obvious from your posts and your behaviour that you are beyond anything that journalling can help. And this bb is NOT for journalling - there are blogs all over the Internet for that. You have lashed out and offended nearly every person here on the board. You tell us you are leaving but you don't stay away. You can't - you enjoy the attention of the guys too much. Even No Hill continues to write to you despite the nasty you inflicted on him a few months back.
No vacation is going to fix you, AG, not at this point. You are too messed up.
Wow ! Barb, I'm surprised at your lack of compassion.
I don't post much around here anymore but I still check the board regularly. I don't feel I'm addicted. I do feel that checking here constantly reminds me to be a loving and compassionate person, not to mention DB principles. ...Soup
Thanks. It is not a academic publication on case law. It is statistics involving market rates for our work - so every one reads it.
My goal is to print the schedule and write in the dates in my calendar. Fortunately nothing else needs to be done today.
Quote:
Work will always be there sounds like you need to clear the head otherwise in the long run you will be less effective.
Yes. It will. Fortunately I don't have to decide if I will dive till I get there.
I was up till 5 am today - just couldn't sleep. Even though I am tired - I am still feeling wired. I need to find a way to get back on a regular sleep schedule again.
I am going on vacation from August 30th through September 6th - that is why I keep using that date. I suppose I really should use Sept. 7th since I am flying in late at night.
I was thinking about Jayce and have been meaning to email you asking how he is doing.
You know Soup - I allowed myself to get too tired. I need to take vacations before I need to take them.
Sage advice AG... take more holidays... even just long weekend ones.
Jayce will be OK. I'm sure of it. Tomorrow they will give him his radiation iodine treatment. Then he'll be monitored daily for effectiveness as well as the radiation disappearing. He has to stay in a lead lined room with other cats receiving the same treatment. We pick him up on the 27th, if his levels of radiation are safe. Otherwise it'll be a few extra days. He has a really loving disposition. Purrs when you just look at him. The Vet said that cats who have his disposition do much better than cats that are aloof and sometimes nasty. The Clinic has to be the largest vetinnary(sp) clinic I've ever seen. There must be over a hundred people or more working there with over 75 vets. Our Vet calls us daily with his progress. Ellie needs those updates. :-)) Cheers ... Wolf
