No matter what kind of relationship problems you may experience, there are times when things go more smoothly(EVEN if your spouse is in MLC.).
ike so many other people, are you guilty of focusing solely on what isn't working rather than what is?
What's your best guess as to why people tend to focus on the Negative?
What are your thoughts about focusing on the problem-free times?
What things are / were both you and your partner doing at these times (especially YOU!)? What's different at these times? What are the "exceptions" to the "not-so-good" times, times when things turn out a little different than usual?
Are there times that you "know" that things are going to turn out bad? Are there times when you "know" that things are going to turn out good? What are YOU doing to make that happen?
Are there good times that you're taking for granted?
What are some of these times, either in the past or the present?
When are you better able to see the glass as being "half-full"?
Last edited by sgctxok; 08/20/0803:08 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Honestly, most of the "glass half empty moments" have been of my own doing.
I choose to take an innocuous or offhand comment, a look, etc. and in my own mind turn it into something far worse than it actually is. The funny thing is, I don't do a similar thing with POSITIVE interactions with W, since I've been "trained" here that one of the big words here is "caution" with regards to optimism ("e.g., "don't set yourself up"). As a result, I had a very easy time getting myself in a mental doom spiral (esp. in mornings and late at night), but a much harder time being positive.
What helped (and still helps) me stop the negativity?
-Calming down and taking stock in how far W and I have come in just three short months since the "bomb."
-Remembering that W has never used the "D word" at any point in speaking with me. Ever. Heck, she has even dropped mentioning the "S word."
-Knowing darned well that my sons love me and will continue to help be a tie between W and myself.
-Remembering to "act as if" when interacting with W at times that I fear might be confrontational. 99% of the time, things actually work out well.
-Looking at interactions with W as God-given opportunities to show her my positive changes, demonstrate my support and love, and exercising patience.
-Ditching the "helpful advice" of third-parties who just don't get the concept of standing for marriage. It's hard enough as it is without a virtual chorus of naysayers creating more useless static.
Me: 47 Kids: 2 boys, 14 & 8 Bomb: 5/5/08 Married: 16 years, together 20 Divorce final 8/11/10 I remarried, to an amazing woman: 3/17/12... "Once in awhile, in an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale"
For me, it's not so much noticing the good things, but more not mentioning them. I'm working on reversing my tendency to comment on the bad while taking the good for granted.
