She didn't have the kids call me after school. So I texted, kids call me. Nothing. At 4 I left a calm voice mail. This is the family phone I expect it to be picked up when I call. At 4:15 I text Kids call me. At 4:30 I leave another calm voice mail. Then I text. You are proving to me that you are crazy.
At quarter after 6. She text: Sorry I left the phone at home. The phone rings it's my son says he wants to be with me. He says d's friend is there and he wants to be with me. I tell him I'll be there in 15 minutes. Maverick supersonic.
I pick him up and talk to D. Kiss her and tell her I love her. I poke a little fun at D's friend because she has such a rhyming name. Wife comes to door and asks when I can bring him back. I said I don't know around nine it's a school night. I will call you.
She was in the house. My neighbor told me she took something. There was a mess in the sink, green juice, etc... I text her, you made a mess in the sink. (I'm thinking what are you doing in the house.) She text back, oh sorry, your d did that with her juice. Son spills the beans that they were in the house playing video games and mommy was getting somethign for sisters baby. Son and I have a great time playing video games. Get him bathed and fed.
I call her at 10 to nine and said he is ready. She asked if he bathed. I tell her yes. He also ate. She said okay I'm giving D a bath now. I said did D's friend leave. She said oh yeah she dropped him off.
I take him to her. Wife comes to door. Son goes in. Her and I have some small talk. I ask D to come to door, so I can kiss her good night. I tell her D you look so pretty. Have a nice day at school. Son starts whining to her that he is hungry. I said he ate at the house. She tells him to go upstairs and she would get him something. This continues about 5 times. I said son please just give mommy and daddy a little time. He keeps screaming he is hungry.
Then I loose it. I said to her. This is why you and I never had any time together. This constant parade from the kids. Now he just ate at our house, stop arguing with him.
Then I really loose. I said please give me a hug. She does but rolls her eyes. I kiss her cheek. I said please give me a real kiss. She said, no we never kiss. I said yes we did. You just stopped doing it.
I said I love you. I'm going to go. Son is still screaming. She says go or I'm going to shut the door on you.
I said why are you so mean to me. You will not invite me into your place. You come into our house, take things, and do not even ask. Stay out of the house. She said I needed something for my sisters baby. Well I said ask then.
I said I love you. Please say it back. She puts on hands on her face. I love you Phil. Now give me a hug. She hugs me and rubs my chest. And there is son standing there still yelling at her that he is hungry.
Yeah, how stupid am begging her again. Telling her I love her and forcing her to say it back.
You know I know I'm doing everything wrong. I can't contain myself around her. I just want to burst. And you are all right. I am my own worst enemy. I can't leave her alone. I bother her too much.
But you see she was messing with me earlier. She wants me to snap. So that she can say, you see, you see how he acts.
I left. I took my ahwhile to get my bearings. I just put my hands on my face and sat in the car ahwile.
About an hour later. I text her. You are so mean.
She text back. I know.
I was watching the Republican convention. There was a line about the first lady. I said you would make a great first lady. She text. haha.
Now my cousin was texting me too. I got another text, I grabbed my phone, and it fell on the floor.
It's broke, the phone is broke it will not turn on.
It's like a damn force keeping us a away. The storm. The network went down. The power outage. Her parents show up.
Everytime I think I'm getting a little closer. Something happens. Something weird. How many times can you drop a phone and it still works about a thousand. This one took one fall from about 4 feet and died.
I called her from the home phone in the morning. I said kids call me on the home phone. My cell phone is broke. It will not turn on.
She calls back. I tell her my cell is broke. She says Oh I thought I called the cell. No you called the house phone.
WTF??? She didn't even know it was the house phone. It has caller ID. Even if she looked at it, and should have realized is was the house phone.
She says her schedule is changed can I get the kids at such and such a time. I tell her yes. She says the kids are happy I don't have to work tonight. I'm thinking I'm not.
Why am I so accomadating.
So now my cell phone doesn't work. I don't know what the next text was.
I think this cell phone causes too many problems. It makes it way to easy for her to act crazy. Hide behind text and such. I don't think I should get another. But I can't cancel it....
The cell phone... It's the devil. But it's my lifeline. All my friends numbers are on it. My family, etc... it's like another appendage.
Now I just called and it is a big PIA to get another one under warrenty. They have to send one to you. You have to pay shipping.
Maybe it is a god send its broke. It will force her to talk to me in voice. She can't text me. I can't text her anymore.
But her text to me in the evenings were crumbs.
I don't want crumbs anymore.
The only advice I want is about the cell phone. The other stuff I already know what I did wrong. I don't need told. I'm just writing it all down to explain what a total idiot I am.
And SG, I do believe marriage has a great deal to do with theology, and the two need discussed together.
Good thing the cel phone broke - now you can't text her so much you get charged with harrassment. Let it go. And stop calling her. She can't breathe. You are there. You lose it with her. Blame the kids. How can you blame a kid for wanting something. What he wants and NEEDS is love and attention. From both of you. He needs parents. Who behave like adults.
If you know we are right - why are you so mean to us? Why are you so mean to her? How can you expect anyone to be respectful to you when you are not respectful to them?
I told my ex when he first left that respect needs to be earned. (he was upset that the kids no longer respected him) and he agreed! For once!
I have always lived by the rule that we should treat others the way we wish to be treated. You are screaming for how you wish to be treated. So do the same for your wife. And your kids. And for the other posters here.
And theology is a different subject. This is divorce busting. Do you want to bust your divorce or not?
Did you really do all that in front of yoru kids? And did you say that that was why things happened...because of the constant parade from the kids??????
holy bejeeeeeebers
you need to leave her alone stop calling stop texting stop
if you were on your cell plan for awhile you may qualify for a phone upgrade
The only advice I want is about the cell phone. The other stuff I already know what I did wrong. I don't need told. I'm just writing it all down to explain what a total idiot I am.
I understand. I know that you are now clearly seeing what you are doing and how it is affecting the situation, your W and your kids.
What can you do to change what you're doing? It's so hard because you're hurting and you just want it fixed.
Except you can't fix it. It's one time in your life where you or I can't fix the relationship. And we're used to fixing things.
I'm a software engineer, I work on really HARD projects and I fix others designs. But I can't fix my W.
I CAN fix me, and change how I act and no longer react to her.
You can too Phil.
Here's the thing though. I'm starting to wonder if you're not going through an MLC yourself? Phil, there's so much pressure on you that I think you're in need of someone to talk to, a friend or a counselor. Do you have a friend to confide in? Do you see a counselor?
Do you have someone to vent to? Not write but talk to on the phone or in person?
Everyone needs people to talk to. Nearly every church has a crisis line you can call or a family support / divorce support group.
Oh, and I also suggest that if you need a cell phone NOW, see if you are entitled to an upgrade and you can go buy one cheap or maybe get one free
Yeah, here is the funny part. Since I know this phone is like my third hand I called the stores to see how to fix it.
They told me that a warranty exchange would require that I wait about 5 to 7 days to get a phone. They said they have a loaner phone. But I can't make it to that store today.
I need my phone. I look on the web to see what stores are around work. I find one and go. Turns out they only cell the phones there. But the guy tells me to buy a prepaid and put your sim card in it. I asked to call the store. The guy at the cell stores says yes it will work but we are not allowed to sell them like that. I said dude this is my life line to my kids. Will it work. He says yes.
So I got hooked up on a prepaid. And guess what... that's right you guessed it. She was texting me this afternoon. Can I pick up the kids at the ice cream shop. 15 minutes later can you come here and pick them up.
Then I get back and the work phone has voice mail. It's her. I was texting you and wondering why you wouldn't text me back, and then I remember you told me your cell phone wasn't working.
She totally forgot that from the conversation four hours before. I left a voice mail and told her. I talked to her in voice from our home phone and told her. She called the home phone and thought she called the cell.
Why? Because her mind is totally short circuited.
I called her back and talked with her. We actually talked. She wants to go to the store after work. I asked if she was picking the kids up after work. She said maybe after she goes to the store that way then can stay with you for a little while. I said you know d will want to go with you, and son will want to stay with me. I said it's total role reversal with those kids. She was my little daddys girl. And he was your boy. Now both them want to be with the other parent, because maybe it is there way to try and bring us together. I told her I know I'm not suppose to be saying what I said last night, it's totally against what the experts think. But I do not care what the experts think. I care about what I think. I would jump in front of a bus for you right now. Right this very moment. I am in hell, walking through hell. And you have the decisions to make that go away. Now I shouldn't have even have said that. But the decisions are yours. I wish I had the magic answer to make all of this be right. But I don't, you do.
I said who are you working with. She says b girl. I said you see I don't have a chance in hell with you when you around her all the time. She said please we do not even talk about it.
I said it doesn't matter when your in her prescence I'm finished the last thing on your mind.
She said, ok, well I have a customer. I said, ok I'll see you soon.
This sucks, but my head is clear. This beyond sucks... But I don't feel like I'm in hell.
Fig, I asked you to go away...
Barbie, thanks for paying attention. Really you don't have a clue. If you did you would have respected my wishes and not said what you said.
Do not overwhelm me!
Forrest, forget it I'm not accepting the invite on FB.
If posters are saying things that you take as 'judgemental' or 'attacking' then please, just don't reply to them. Remember that everyone has an opinion and if you disagree with them you do NOT have to defend yourself. You do NOT have to prove anything to any of us. You do NOT have to justify your actions to ANY of us.
Nobody on this board has any right to sit in judgment of you or your actions. We're all here because we made mistakes and did stupid things.
So when you feel like you're being judged, Just don't reply to them.
Reply to the people who give you ideas that you can work with. If someone gives you a post where part of it seems judgmental and part of it has some good ideas, take the good ideas and ignore the rest.
Remember, people who post are coming from their own perspective, bringing their own hurt and anger, and their love, to this forum.
So, I promise that I'll do my best to be kind and compassionate even when we disagree, and I appreciate the same from you.
Ok?
I want you to stay on the board so that perhaps some of us can help you carry the load while you go through this.
Believe that for the most part all of us care about you and your family.
I'm a software engineer, I work on really HARD projects and I fix others designs.
I'm a systems administrator. That is all I do is fix things. I fix everything. If it can not be fixed then I fix it. I'm also very mechanical. I was a printer tech. I could rip laser printers apart blindfolded. I'm also a computer tech. I fix everything.
Yes I have people to talk to. Yes I talk to my priest. I vent to them. They don't have answers. No one does. Only she does.
And in the last post, the same time you were writing. I got that cell phone problem licked. And you know what I'm not going to tell her it is fixed. That will force her to call me.
You are right Frank. I also suggested that I'm going through a MLC of my own.
Constantly worrying about losing my job. Going on interviews. Built a giant addition for her. Going to school full time online. I have allot on my plate.
Hi, Phil. I have never posted to you though I have read some (not all) of your sitch. I am not here to bash you or anything even remotely close to that.
Just wondering if you could please answer Barbie's question:
Quote:
How can you expect anyone to be respectful to you when you are not respectful to them?
If you could honestly answer that question, you might possibly give me (and others) some insight into my H's mind and why he acts/behaves the way that he does. I would greatly appreciate it and thanks for your time. If not, no worries.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I'm a systems administrator. That is all I do is fix things. I fix everything. If it can not be fixed then I fix it. I'm also very mechanical. I was a printer tech. I could rip laser printers apart blindfolded. I'm also a computer tech. I fix everything.
Are you on call 24x7? Is your cell phone a 'leash' to your company?
Quote:
Constantly worrying about losing my job. Going on interviews. Built a giant addition for her. Going to school full time online. I have allot on my plate.
So, perhaps one of those things needs to be taken off your plate - for now?
