Ground hog day WAW #19

[fig]

Phil...
when you laugh at someone when they get anger it belittles their feelings

perhaps your wife has felt this as long as you were together

you are not always right
your ways are not always right

acts of violence are NEVER right

no one can make you do anything
you always have a choice

own up to that
take control of your own life
take ownership instead of pussing out

[LostPhil]

fig,

It's more of the same. Your telling me I'm pussing out. I find that ridiculous. Which now totally proves my theory about you.

I had to have son call wife but he didn't even want to talk to his mother. Then she is yelling at him that she doesn't want to here it when he misses her. She asked me to drop him off after Church, but he says to her he doesn't want to.

After Church I have him call her again to tell her he doesn't want to be with her. This puts me in a very akward position. A great feeling of sadness. Then she asks for me to talk to her.

I said I'm sorry I do not know what to do. Do you want me to drop him off to you anyway. She says no thats alright because he will be up my butt next week. Now she is pratically yelling at me. I said would you please calm down. She says I can't calm down because I just found out that the boss is going to be at the store with me all night. I said well why don't you run the store for her. She will not let me and she nick picks over everything.

I'm thinking gee that sounds like someone I know.

I said have you asked her. She said you now boss name isn't going to let me. Have you asked. NO, I HAVEN'T.

I said gee you are so mean, you are so cute when you are mean. She said oh what are we going back ten years from now. I said yes, but it didn't work then either, nothing works with you. You are just a mean person. Let me talk to D. You just talked to her an hour ago. So, let me please talk to her. She says ok, I'll drop off D later.

I ask D if she wants me to pick her up to go to lunch. She said she was tired, but sleept better than last night. I said we are going here. Do you want to go? She says no. I said is mommy ok, she seems very mad. Are you being good? She says yes. I said ok, love you. I'll see you later. She says she loves me.

There is no end in sight. She hates her boss because she nick picks. Shouldn't that tell her something about herself?

AmyC... AmyH is someone on FB, I thought it was you. They are trying to invite as friend.

[fig]

STOP PUTTING YOUR KIDS IN THE MIDDLE OF YOU TWO

you two need to STOP

those poor kids

don't ask them what's happening

don't make them chose

don't put them in the position where they have to say who they want to be with

don't pit them against the pther parent or use them to say "see, I'm better than you"

just stop

[frank_D]

In other words Phil, you decide for them and tell W what you want.

[Bworl]

Phil,

You should be getting the message that for many of us, the primary concern right now is your children. The hostility between you and your wife, along with the constant need for controlling the other is the last thing your kids need to be in the middle of.

The Nemours Foundation was established by the DuPont family and is dedicated to childrens health. On their website Kids Health, they offer several articles regarding children and divorce. Let me share a couple of comments...

Crucial to a child's ability to get through a divorce is the ability of the divorcing parents to maintain a civil relationship. Conflict between parents — whether they're separated, divorced, or still together — causes major stress for kids that can last well beyond childhood.

We should ALWAYS err on the side of protecting our kids. Angry conversations should NEVER occur with the kids anywhere near the conversation, whether in person or on the phone. Conversations with others about our situations should not occur with the kids within ear shot.

The affects are easy for us to minimize when we're in the midst of the garbage, but they are real and potentially long lasting. We are talking about the PRIMARY security relationship in these children's lives.

Keep the details in check. Take care to ensure privacy when discussing the details of the divorce with friends, family, or your lawyer. Try to keep your interactions with your ex as civil as possible, especially when you're interacting in front of the kids. Take the high road — don't resort to blaming or name-calling within earshot of your children, no matter what the circumstances of the separation. This is especially important in an "at fault" divorce where there have been especially hurtful events, like infidelity.

Your kids are very young. They do NOT need to see Mom and Dad as adversarial bodies. They should NEVER be getting the impression that one of you thinks poorly of the other, or, even worse, that they are better off with one of you than the other. While those things may be true and may be issues WE have to deal with, it is NOT something the kids need to be a part of.

Consistency and routine can go a long way toward providing comfort and familiarity that can help your family during this major life change. When possible, minimize unpredictable schedules, transitions, or abrupt separations.

And this is the big one to me. Your kids are tossed about back and forth, this way and that. It's absolutely horrible for them, especially at such a young age. The two of you are the adults - make the decisions as RESPONSIBLE adults and parents and take at least THAT part of the horror of separation out of the picture.


There's nothing wrong with taking input from your kids about putting together a workable parenting plan. But this daily inquiry of where they want to stay THAT night is absurd.


As adults we are supposed to be the ones who realize that many times our kids initially reject what they want most. Your children will choose if you force them to, but what a terrible position to put them in. And eventually they will come to resent both of you for making them participate in the drama between the two of you.


Time to do something you've never done...


Blessings,

Bill

[AmyC]

AmyC... AmyH is someone on FB, I thought it was you. They are trying to invite as friend.

I'm not on FB.

EDITED - personal contact information is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.

[braveheart]

AmyC... AmyH is someone on FB, I thought it was you. They are trying to invite as friend.

I'm not on FB.
*deleted by dbmod*

AMY, where have you been? So many of the old regulars are gone. (Not to imply that you are old, just an expression! LOL) What is the latest with you?

[AmyC]

I don't post much these days, braveheart, but I'm still rollin' with the flow. I just do it much more low key now .

Phil doesn't like us to talk to each other on his thread


EDITED - personal contact information is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.

I don't keep an active thread anymore although H and I have lots of good interactions these days.

Thanks for asking.



Peace,

AmyC

[phoenyx]

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Virginia Peeples
Vice President
The Divorce Busting Center
[e-mail]

how come she gets to

[braveheart]

I don't post much these days, braveheart, but I'm still rollin' with the flow. I just do it much more low key now .

Phil doesn't like us to talk to each other on his thread


EDITED - personal contact information is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.

I don't keep an active thread anymore although H and I have lots of good interactions these days.

Thanks for asking.



Peace,

AmyC

Sorry Phil. AMY, I guess I will just have to make my own and then you can fill me in!