Sometimes when you start to GAL - it takes awhile to see the effects of your efforts. Sometimes it is like networking at work. I have been working on balancing work and life for awhile and feel like I am finally seeing the results!
This weekend's GAL Events:
(i) Friday: Fundraiser party;
(ii) Saturday: Volunteering at a Food Distribution Center; and
(iii) Sunday: Cooking class at Williams Sonoma
Work: Once again the butterfly effect... Sometimes the clients come into your life based on a single conversation or a chance meeting. Sometimes they disappear the same way...
There is a lot of uncertainty at work. And it is affecting me and the people I work with... It is tough b/c I have to keep my own reactions in check. And I also have to not react to how other people are reacting. Actions that would normally viewed as irresponsible - well everyone deserves a little latitude right now... people that work above me - below me.... maybe even myself.
The Seminar in October. I am going to skip it. I am worthless if I am not ON. And I need to take a break, recharge and then go back out there. And this would interfere with my GAL plans. And really after putting GAL on hold for 5 years - it is time to prioritize personal over professional. The professional is not going anywhere...it can wait.
They have 3 meetings a year anyway - the next one is in February and in California. I use to live there and have friends from my past and through work and Humongo Client. I can combine the whole trip into business and pleasure.
That being said - I have already starting researching and gathering data on Potential Humongo Client II. Need to get thosre butterfly wings flapping...
I think I need to be gentler on myself with respect to work right now. It is natural to be down given recent events. I am willing to make allowances for others - and need to extend the same courtesy to myself.
All in all life is good! It is an adventure. One never know how something that appears insignificant today can butterfly effect into something incredible tomorrow!
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Well, I understand the oddities of the consulting ebbs and flows. Here I am in the midst of old boy network, and it really is an old boy network.
I saw your comment about recognizing my xw's dumping of relationships to streamline. I think this is common in people who have used work as a way to overcome difficulties in relationship skills. Why be patient with something you feel unsure at or makes you feel inept when you have this other thing you can really shine at? Of course that outcome is as bad as the one I find myself in - dumping work to focus on relationships. My standing and the perception of the value of my work has suffered because of my focus.
A friend of mine is in a male-dominated field and has to work 3x as hard to achieve results. Sometimes I don't understand where she finds the energy to do all that she's doing. But she has really been a rock for me throughout my D because she went through similar circumstances 6 years ago.
Her biggest piece of advice was to be gentle about restarting relationships. She kept trying and trying and failing and failing and it just prevented her from reaching a comfortable spot with balancing career and home life. Once she took the time she needed, she started finding the balance. That doesn't mean she was good at it, she just became clearer about her wants and what she wanted from others, as well as determining how to better accept others. She told me that it took her 5 years before she really felt ready.
She also told me that her biggest problem was projecting onto others what she least liked in herself. It was easier for her to reject people when she could recognize in them some small aspect of something she really hated about herself. I don't know how you feel about that, but it gave me a lot of food for thought. I hadn't examined my own reactions that way, but I find it to be helpful.
i know i always USED to attract the whack jobs that would propose on date #2, stalkers, freakshow guys
it was me doing that
when i realized what type of person i REALLY wanted to attract and then tailored behaviors and such for that (you know...what we put out into the universe is what we get back)
the pressure of finding a relationship or the right job or the right person or the right whatever
all those pressures were distracting me from what was necessary...which was me...i was sending out those desperate needy feelings which brough in desperate needy people
the truth came to me when i realized the person i wanted to be and worked to make that happen
when i stopped placing the blame elsewhere
and realized it came from within
now i am at a wonderful job with a wonderful man and an amazing family
my relationships with those people that are important to me improved and when crazy happened to venture in, i was able to get rid of it in record time
lodo and fig - I was very moved by your posts... I read them this morning and I will respond to them when I am sober ... if that should happen in the near future
So the fundraiser... I told my boss to go to he!!! (that would be me telling me - remember fight club )
And I went shopping. I had a list - and really being from the world of billable hours - I had my schedule down to 6 minute increments.
So I bought earrings, a bracelet, things w/o straps, hose ( not sure if I would use this), shoes with toe thong (that the hose would not work with, and this torture device that is suppose to stuff things in where they belong - no time to try things on -brought it all home and left myself an hour to get dressed - and water Ms. Wiggie.
The earrings worked. The bracelet worked. NO way was I going to squeeze into the torture device! Dam! thing didn't make it past my calves - how on earth was wine and running food going to fit into my tummmy with that thing on! So I switched to hose (you need something to allow the dress lines to flow...) and squeezed into old silver sandles (which were too small b/c yoga makes your feet grow! )
I had fabulous time at the fundraiser. I was at The Table with Mike Lookinland - sat next to him (acted the part of Bobby Brady) and my friend the Fox anchor. I had such a good time talking to Mike - not about People magazine stuff - but real stuff - the type of things I enjoy - but cannot post about... There was a question/answer period - I promised I would not ask Helen Thomas questions.
Then the dancing - it was all women! So after another drink or two or three (perhaps 4) - I felt compelled to walk up to all these non-dancing H's - tell them I have not dated in 5 years - and needed them to give me a reason to date again - I needed them them to dance/and demostrate a little affection for their W's!
And I was quite satisfied that quite a few W's were pleasantly surprised this evening. This whole M thing is so much work - I may not be ready to do it - but well this whole management experience has given me the cahunas to force other people to...
And my not-affiliated with any organized religion guardian angel had his/her eye on me. I had such a great time. AND I have been posting about joining this gym - but procrastinating b/c I do not want to be a walking mass of pain... Well at the silent auction I bid $80.00 on a $500.00 annual membership at the gym I wanted to join. Sigh.... guess who won... guess where I will be tomorrow...guess how I will be feeling 48 hours after that....
And my friends bid on the wine and food stuff - well I couldn't bid against my friends - so I will drink with them and offer them passes to my gym - not that they need it...
Can you believe I sat NEXT to Mike Lookinland! At first I thought that was Peter Brady (the one tha married the 18 year old) but really he is sane one and has a sane really cool wife!
No - no single men there - but really one needs to take a day or two - or perhaps a year or two (or more) off from Block related issues and just have a little fun sometimes!
Life is good! Especially after a martini and several glasses of wine! I think I am really behind at work - aren't martine's wonderful b/c that really doesn't matter right now.
Now I am off to go drink water - b/c I am old - and hangovers are he!! and I have to be at my volunteer post by 8:30 am!
Then the dancing - it was all women! So after another drink or two or three (perhaps 4) - I felt compelled to walk up to all these non-dancing H's - tell them I have not dated in 5 years - and needed them to give me a reason to date again - I needed them them to dance/and demostrate a little affection for their W's!
quote from Robin of the Batman series.
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Holy Olive Branch Batgirl.
ok not really
Instead of generating hate and discontent among several women you actually created an instant network of allies who are able to filter out the weeds and show you a few good prospects. How many women these wives had to fend off from their H's and hate single women. I bet you can work a jury or judge like that if given a chance.
Olive branches are good things when used properly.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I saw your comment about recognizing my xw's dumping of relationships to streamline. I think this is common in people who have used work as a way to overcome difficulties in relationship skills. Why be patient with something you feel unsure at or makes you feel inept when you have this other thing you can really shine at? Of course that outcome is as bad as the one I find myself in - dumping work to focus on relationships. My standing and the perception of the value of my work has suffered because of my focus.
My power couple friends all talk about struggling to balance the two. And I think normally you go through phases of feeling more inept at one than the other as you face challenges in each area.
In my head, the label marriage meant that I no longer had the option of dumping the R. That is where your xw - didn't get that she had already made a commitment that she needed to honor.
In my case, now that there are no labels to bind me - I find myself very wary of trying to do both again... Perhaps cautious is not a bad thing. And in a strange way - since I have gotten over the end of my marriage and for the most part have a good life - I feel very hesitant to introduce anything that may change what I have... I value the predictability and stability.
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She also told me that her biggest problem was projecting onto others what she least liked in herself. It was easier for her to reject people when she could recognize in them some small aspect of something she really hated about herself. I don't know how you feel about that, but it gave me a lot of food for thought. I hadn't examined my own reactions that way, but I find it to be helpful.
Thank you for sharing your friend's story. It resonates with me - even the 5 year part. I agree with your friend about projection. I could see it when The X did it - it is tougher recognizing it when I do it myself...
Yesterday at the fundraiser - when one woman found out I was single - she said "wait here - I want you to meet someone." It was so reflexive - I am not even sure how I did it - I bolted. Of course alcohol always makes it easier to give into one's natural inclinations.
However today when I volunteered today at the food distribution center - the head person was my age, attractive and did not seem to be wearing a ring. I didn't feel claustrophobic today b/c I felt like I had my space. We worked together and we talked but I didn't feel any pressure... I am not sure if I even view him as someone I would date - I don't feel like I have to decide that today.
Who knows maybe The Block is a filter and when men that I am comfortable around come around - I don't feel the urge to run away. And the creepy ones are filtered out.
I know I am rambling - b/c I haven't figured it out yet...
Thanks for your very insightful post. It really did help me.
i know i always USED to attract the whack jobs that would propose on date #2, stalkers, freakshow guys
it was me doing that
when i realized what type of person i REALLY wanted to attract and then tailored behaviors and such for that (you know...what we put out into the universe is what we get back)
I also attract "whack jobs that would propose on date #2, stalkers, freakshow guys." Although in the past year or two they are fewer in number.
I had a discussion with a friend where I told him it was me. He said his W was/is also approached by the same type of people. She just set the boundary down very firmly immediately.
I think part of it is what we put out. I think part of it is how we react when we are approached by these types of people.
I have gotten much firmer at nipping R's with these types of people in the bud.
I recognized and took very decisive action immediately when I met one at the Resort. He was persistent but he finally got the message.
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my relationships with those people that are important to me improved and when crazy happened to venture in, i was able to get rid of it in record time
I think having the mindset where one is willing and able to take action to get rid of the nut jobs is a part of what we put out in the universe. I think freaky people can smell fear.
Thank you for a very thoughtful post fig. I appreciate it.
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