Trying to hammer thru issues with H, it's like trying to crack concrete with a plastic bat.
My work party is tonight, and another social party an hour away. I receive a 30 year service award for work. H says he is coming with me to my work party and then we're going to the other party together.
Forward steps? yes, it is. H has stayed clear of any kind of party stuff with me for a couple of years. This is a recent change that we go places together.
Is it enough yet? No.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
My work party was good! I received my award, and a standing ovation from all the people I work with. <blush> Because I am one of the managers I also handed out awards. I also made it to the Top 4 of the Rock Paper Scissor Tournament and won a top prize.
The best part of the evening came unexpectedly when a person came over and told me how wonderful I looked while standing up front, my hair was so beautiful and I looked like I glowed. <BIG blush> How easy it is to make someone feel better with a few kind words. (make mental reminder!)
We never made it to the 2nd party as we ended up at the first one longer than planned because I advanced so far in the tournament.
But right now, H is doing chores but just poked his head in and asked if I had plans today....he invited me to join him today for his plans. Off we go, together.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
bnd, even though there is a difference between MLC and WAS the pain of being LBS is still there. That's why we are here for support. Limbo isn't fun.
You are absolutely right.....so let me clarify my statement on the other thread....
If the WAS is a MLC'er, then there are certain things that you can deal with, and there are ways to handle the situation.
We learn how to detach. We read books on MLC. We GAL and allow the MLC'er to deal with their own issues while we stay in the background, hoping that one day we will be able to provide them with a soft landing.
If the WAS is a just that, a Spouse who could not handle the relationship anymore then we must also come to grips with the fact that not every Marriage will be saved, no matter how hard we may try to make things work.
We have no control over our Spouse and the choices they make for their lives.
If they have chosen to end the relationship because they fell out of love and moved on and have never looked back, then we have to accept this, as hard as it may be.
Going to see a therapist for ourselves not for the Marriage.
Taking a look in the mirror and making those changes for ourselves not the Marriage.
Being a LBS in either situation is emotionally trying and can suck the hell out of you if you let it.
But each of us has to get to a point where they have to accept things for what they are.
It is what it is........
And you can make excuse after excuse for what the WAS is doing, but if there are no classic signs of MLC then you can analyze til the cows come home, ain't nothing going to change....and the LBS needs to GAL.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
